elgoucho9
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2023
- Messages
- 1,915
Church service was good today. We've been going over Moses and I could relate there some. How God has us at times take the long road through life rather than take short cuts. The long way would avoid conflict and issues versus the short road.
I know recovery is a long road type of deal, the other time's I had got sober were the shorter routes because I wanted my family back, materialistic things back, a girlfriend, all that shit, however now I know that I didn't place my life in the care of my HP to give me my life back, and all those other times, I'd relapse.
I've been looking at the bigger picture. That I do not want to live a miserable life, and slowly getting some stability helps me with my overall positivity on what to expect later.
I'm again a week clean from tobacco. I smoke a single black and mild during the week, which is actually a huge change from a pack of Newports a day. So slowly getting some air back into my lungs.
Proud of you man you're doing great. What you said about finding stability and choosing not to live a miserable life is true.
It's sad but i find to truly avoid it all i need to not be so accessible myself. It involves cutting off people who i liked even, had a good laugh with, but they just don't fit in with moving forwards. Also, it's like i can no longer interact normally. I'm constantly paranoid anyone from the past drug scene calling me or messaging are trying to set me up. Then the ones who are not even if i meet up with friends its a slippery slope for ending up drinking, which leads to more. Or someones always got benzos. Solitude is the only way for me at the moment. I have 3 good friends i speak with, none of those stay here anymore, 3 who are local, but are liabilities. I have to be quite detatched from what's going on now and stay in my own lane. It's tough when you want more from life but have to sort yourself first.