Recovery The 2023 Recovery Thread

[kiely]

I guess it went good.
Everyone had a good time and the food turned out great.

There is just one loud mouth who married my niece who is a dick.
He always gets little jabs in.

I’m just going to ignore him.
Fuck him!
He is jealous.

I had a good time with the rest of my family.
It is just hard rejoining in after my absence.

The main thing is that I am trying.
Gotta just keep trying and it will become easier.

and they use their passive aggressive attitude toward you and then laugh about it too. like they think they are so witty when they are so insulting because they can tell everyone to fck off in such a subtle way. because they are so nice but make sure to let everyone else know how you are the one that is the problem because you aren't complying with where they tell you and want you to go. and of course they are the nicest people in the world so they can.


But i want to tell them: . . . .

After abusing me . . . Please pray for me because I want to be perfect like you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ()

And he's just jealous of you because you are still a rock star !!!!!!!!!!!

edit: yeah, fck them back. but i hate to have to give them a second of my time.

 

[kiely]

Hey guys, yea holidays are tough for me as well.
Sometimes I can talk about it sometimes I can’t so much.
November is the time of year I get really bad PTSD symptoms, flashbacks, night terrors ect. from when my ex tried to murder me. I was beaten up so badly & barely escaped with my life .. literally… escaped running block after block so beaten up I don’t even know how I was able to run other than adrenaline & survival mode…. stayed in hotels & motels while trying to deal with my wounds & having a miscarriage alone …. (The actual story is really fd up & crazy but I’m not going to tell it here, don’t think I can do it & don’t want to trigger anyone too much) I guess this is enough

Hope it’s okay I wrote this here

Big hugs

I know right. The Holidays can be the worst . . . even under the best conditions. Hang on . . . we can do this !!

edit: I am so sorry for your trauma that is very very real. You don't deserve that and you are going to be alright. Because I know that you are bigger and greater and that must be intimidating to those that are so weak. I'm just so sorry/

 

[AngelsandFairiesarereal]

I know right. The Holidays can be the worst . . . even under the best conditions. Hang on . . . we can do this !!

edit: I am so sorry for your trauma that is very very real. You don't deserve that and you are going to be alright. Because I know that you are bigger and greater and that must be intimidating to those that are so weak. I'm just so sorry/

Thank you so much Kiely, your kindness means more than you know
Big hug to you

 

[deficiT]

Holidays kinda suck for me honestly, it seems like for so long I've been in some kind of program or some shit and away from family and friends. Kinda just reminds me that I don't really have irl friends anymore and I'm not really on good terms with anyone in my family aside from my adoptive parents.

But the worst months for me are honestly April - August, kinda ruins the spring and summer for me. I've spiraled out more than a couple times in those months. April is the month my father passed away and August is the month my gf passed away. Both difficult as shit, in different periods of my life. I'm hoping the future I'm building will be worthwhile and something that could make them proud. Instead of letting that stuff bog me down like I always did, I'm trying to use it as motivation moving forward, getting through the difficult stuff in life to ultimately grow into a better person.

 

[Frog Dreams]

There's a certain point where I drink too much when alcoholism kicks in. It's not one drink, or two. It's more like four.

If I don't drink four drinks (seven standard drinks), in short succession, on any given day, I remain Doctor Jekyll.

You drink more than you desire to when you begin due the disinhibitory nature of said substance.

This is extremely helpful. That explains why it happens after four drinks... So if I never cross that four drink boundary, I should be okay.

I've done this before, for months on end. Only having a certain number of standard drinks a day or only having a certain number per hour etc. Then I end up concluding that I'm not an alcoholic and I go beyond that limit and then I inevitably become an alcoholic again.

I had 7.2 standard drinks the other day and got into that compulsive "must keep drinking" state... but then had 6.8 standard drinks later and I didn't get there.

Better to limit it to three drinks. That's the best buzz, anyway. Being drunk is shit.

Alcohol and Amanita eh...you could hardly get two more different vibes imo, interesting

I have dipped my toe in everything, more or less.

Weirdly, these days pretty much all I'm interested in is naturally occurring psychedelics and alcohol... but the alcohol is an afterthought; I am approaching defeat: eventually, I suspect, I may have to stop drinking altogether.

...

It occurs to me that maybe everyone is an alcoholic (based on your definition, re: inhibitions) but some of us are more likely to get to that uninhibited state and really let go.

For me, drinking the equivalent of a fifth of vodka in one day isn't an incredibly rare occurrence. Probably happens twice a month. It's unusual for me to have less than five drinks and even that is a low number. Whereas, my dad and my wife (who never get super drunk) are more likely to have three drinks or so.

What I'm saying is: I think most people get sloppy after six or eight drinks.

I need to drink less.

 

[thatmf]

Holidays kinda suck for me honestly, it seems like for so long I've been in some kind of program or some shit and away from family and friends. Kinda just reminds me that I don't really have irl friends anymore and I'm not really on good terms with anyone in my family aside from my adoptive parents.

But the worst months for me are honestly April - August, kinda ruins the spring and summer for me. I've spiraled out more than a couple times in those months. April is the month my father passed away and August is the month my gf passed away. Both difficult as shit, in different periods of my life. I'm hoping the future I'm building will be worthwhile and something that could make them proud. Instead of letting that stuff bog me down like I always did, I'm trying to use it as motivation moving forward, getting through the difficult stuff in life to ultimately grow into a better person.

You'll get there. I want to say your hardest times are behind you but I can't see the future. It sounds like you're on a good path and things will get better. 3-6 months into quitting meth I really, really struggled with identity, was reaching out to people who didn't care about me that much and just attracting the worst kind of vibes. I think it's a karmic effect of quitting meth, you have to repay your debt to that God-awful drug. I'm almost at 10 months, saw a really triggering pic of some chick with a pipe on the internet and just thought to myself "how disgusting" (I didn't share my thoughts), but yeah, 2/3-6 months is the hardest, things don't really make that much sense. I can tell you've been through a heck of a lot, just keep your chin up and you will get there. I don't want to sound cliched but quitting and sticking with it has really paid off for me I know it's hard to stay motivated but it'll get easier with time.

 

[Jen X]

I don't think i ever will or can and it's sad. Wouldn't be so bad if i wasn't an addict before getting diagnosed with MS. Now i got a lifetime script and when stress hits i want to get high. If it wasn't for spending most my time with my boyfriend and not wanting to disappoint him i'd surely be banging my meds. He's such a good guy, if he wasn't around when mom died i'd probably be dead. BUT i'm dependent on 1 person, anything happens and i'll go off the rails again. I was trying to get 6 months with nothing but the pain gets so awful that no amount of tylanol would help

 

[thatmf]

There's a certain point where I drink too much when alcoholism kicks in. It's not one drink, or two. It's more like four.

If I don't drink four drinks (seven standard drinks), in short succession, on any given day, I remain Doctor Jekyll.



This is extremely helpful. That explains why it happens after four drinks... So if I never cross that four drink boundary, I should be okay.

I've done this before, for months on end. Only having a certain number of standard drinks a day or only having a certain number per hour etc. Then I end up concluding that I'm not an alcoholic and I go beyond that limit and then I inevitably become an alcoholic again.

I had 7.2 standard drinks the other day and got into that compulsive "must keep drinking" state... but then had 6.8 standard drinks later and I didn't get there.

Better to limit it to three drinks. That's the best buzz, anyway. Being drunk is shit.



I have dipped my toe in everything, more or less.

Weirdly, these days pretty much all I'm interested in is naturally occurring psychedelics and alcohol... but the alcohol is an afterthought; I am approaching defeat: eventually, I suspect, I may have to stop drinking altogether.

...

It occurs to me that maybe everyone is an alcoholic (based on your definition, re: inhibitions) but some of us are more likely to get to that uninhibited state and really let go.

For me, drinking the equivalent of a fifth of vodka in one day isn't an incredibly rare occurrence. Probably happens twice a month. It's unusual for me to have less than five drinks and even that is a low number. Whereas, my dad and my wife (who never get super drunk) are more likely to have three drinks or so.

What I'm saying is: I think most people get sloppy after six or eight drinks.

I need to drink less.

It's such a slippery slope with booze. I read in some study that alcoholism is genetic or something acquired. I've never really had a problem with drinking, I'd always stop after a big night.

Maybe try seeing a d+a counsellor? Have you talked to your psychologist about this? Coz it doesn't sound like you've been a massive drinker for that long (I am assuming a bit here). There's something behind drinking, maybe something you're trying to douse literally.

 

[Jnowhere]

Canada would turn me into a junkie, careful with Tylenol and other OTC meds with acetaminophen in them. Acetaminophen will kill quicker than pure opiods(liver issues). A lot of people die because of the acetaminophen in many drugs that contain narcotics. Sad, sans an OD, the acetaminophen in Norco, if abused, will kill faster than the hydrocodeine.

 

[Jnowhere]

Cane Toad dreams: your obsessing over it is troublesome, less drugs= more booze or other way around, is that what is going on?

 

[Jnowhere]

It's such a slippery slope with booze. I read in some study that alcoholism is genetic or something acquired. I've never really had a problem with drinking, I'd always stop after a big night.

Maybe try seeing a d+a counsellor? Have you talked to your psychologist about this? Coz it doesn't sound like you've been a massive drinker for that long (I am assuming a bit here). There's something behind drinking, maybe something you're trying to douse literally.

He is austrailian, they almost all drink like micks. How else could somebody sleep with all those really nasty snakes and spiders that infest the country. The Drug and alcohol counselors down there keep Foster's on tap.

 

[elgoucho9]

Well then people. Hope everyone is well!
I'm at 36 days sober from everything but the occasional night i've had a smoke of weed or hash. Even cut out coffee and sweets. Been strongly focusing on mending relationships with people in the real world and getting to the bottom of my own health problems.

Feels great not being addicted to anything. Haven't even had any mental cravings for any of the drugs i usually abuse. Even weed i've been sticking to just one bowl.

Only thing that bugs me slightly is some nights i feel quite bored since i cut off alot of people i used to hang with. Been completely social media free and avoiding any mates who might cause me to ruin my efforts. I feel like exercising every day has helped massively to keep me sane through the boredom. That and early nights, early to rise and get the training in early seems to set me up well for the day.

For anyone in recovery watched a great programme on netflix "Recovery Boys", set on a farm in America where they have ex addicts doing daily activities and working on the farm. Really quite interesting. Goes to show how much of a difference having a solid routine can help someone get sober.

Anyway folks just popped in to say i'm doing well and still sober. Aiming to keep it that way for the forseeable.

Wish everyone else well on their journey. Its not easy but it is the most worthwhile thing you can do

 

[Jnowhere]

I started smoking again, between that and a pancreas that doesn't let me eat much. How did I gain nearly 20lbs(about 9 kilos) I'm not fat at all.

 

[Frog Dreams]

Maybe try seeing a d+a counsellor? Have you talked to your psychologist about this? Coz it doesn't sound like you've been a massive drinker for that long (I am assuming a bit here). There's something behind drinking, maybe something you're trying to douse literally.

Never seen a drug/alcohol counsellor. Hardly ever seen a psychologist.

I don't think there is something at the core of my alcoholism. I'm generally an extremely content person. I don't even have a conflict with the drinking. Other people do.

EDIT: I'll rephrase that. I don't think there's any trauma to process at the core of my alcoholism. Something is there. I think it is a desire to be (ultimately) free and let go.

Cane Toad dreams: your obsessing over it is troublesome, less drugs= more booze or other way around, is that what is going on?

@Jnowhere

No, that's not what's going on. I can quit everything. It's not difficult. I've done it many times.

EDIT: Maybe that has something to do with it, actually. I'd prefer to have LSD but that's a "hard drug" and it's "crazy" to much acid all the time.

I choose to drink, then I get to a point (after a certain number of drinks) where I choose to keep drinking... If I don't have four plus drinks, that doesn't happen.

EDIT: Alcoholism genuinely confuses me which is confusing because nothing confuses me. I find it frustrating.

 

[Jnowhere]

Never seen a drug/alcohol counsellor. Hardly ever seen a psychologist.

I don't think there is something at the core of my alcoholism. I'm generally an extremely content person. I don't even have a conflict with the drinking. Other people do.

EDIT: I'll rephrase that. I don't think there's any trauma to process at the core of my alcoholism. Something is there. I think it is a desire to be (ultimately) free and let go.



@Jnowhere

No, that's not what's going on. I can quit everything. It's not difficult. I've done it many times.

EDIT: Maybe that has something to do with it, actually. I'd prefer to have LSD but that's a "hard drug" and it's "crazy" to much acid all the time.

I choose to drink, then I get to a point (after a certain number of drinks) where I choose to keep drinking... If I don't have four plus drinks, that doesn't happen.

EDIT: Alcoholism genuinely confuses me which is confusing because nothing confuses me. I find it frustrating.

It depends on where you live, also alcohol, from my perspective, is not very good tasting. I was forced by the courts and then became allergic to it, so it has no appeal to me at all( Anymore) prior to this, it is all cared about. Sometimes alcoholism is gradual for some.
Not me.

 

[Frog Dreams]

I don't think I'm an alcoholic, specifically.

It's the same with a couple of different drugs. Meth, heroin, alcohol, MDMA. I tend to go hard because life is short and I might as well dive in and fucking enjoy it... So, I avoid almost all of these drugs. Except alcohol.

(*With psychedelics, I don't keep chasing a high because I achieve it and I am satisfied.)

If alcohol wasn't legal, I'd let it go. Problem is, I think, I'm such a maniac (drug wise) alcohol is the only thing that keeps me grounded... Or, that's what I tell myself anyway.

...

Had red wine today, which was nice because I got to that point faster. I don't like drinking three litres of beer to get to a decent point of intoxication. Better to drink a higher concentration alcohol, then (later) eat food and drink water later.

Alcohol is not something I can do all day. It's an end of the day thing. That's an important step to getting it under control, I think.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@elgoucho9 - great to hear.

Do stay vigilant though.

Great work

 

[tokayeahok]

2 and a half months clean and sober now from anything and everything. Starting to sort of get back into a decent enough sleep pattern. Still oversleep a bit during the day and get tired and want to nap. The biggest thing for me now is just getting a job so that I can eventually get my license and car back, get back to normal life, at that point the world should open up for me a bit.

Detox, hospital, programs, etc. are good as they helped me onto the path, but I really just want to get to a point where I can have a normal life. It's been way too long for me and I'm frankly sick of institutional living. The past few years have been extremely difficult, the future is starting to shape up, I just need to be patient with it.

this is wonderful news big hugs man

 

[tokayeahok]

sorry i’ve been away BLers, for the past three days i think i’ve had norovirus. i’m finally on the mend i think as i’m not shitting my brains out as much. the stomach pain with this one is reaaaaaall lmao.

have hardly been taking any kratom and only taking one of my gabapentin a day since i just can’t be fucked to do anything since i don’t have any energy. been sleeping a lot. good to hear from everyone in here glad a lot of you are doing okay.

much love

 

[CFC]

Just thought ma recovery/attempting-recovery peeps might want a chuckle: