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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Recovery The 2022 alcohol support thread
- Thread starter F.U.B.A.R.
- Start date
axe battler
Bluelight Crew
I think somebody needs to drink a couple of pints of water and maybe take aspirin before bed ^^
I'm feeling a little ropey this morning as I got a little white and drank 7 cans. I'll try my best not to drink for the next few days.
I'm feeling a little ropey this morning as I got a little white and drank 7 cans. I'll try my best not to drink for the next few days.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Out of the last 7 days I only drank 1 night I'm doing OK here 
Yesterday was unusually rough psychologically, was really feeling like shit about my life. Just one of those days. I think today will be better.
Yesterday was unusually rough psychologically, was really feeling like shit about my life. Just one of those days. I think today will be better.
Fiori di Bella
Bluelight Crew
I realized today that I hadn’t had a single drink since my bestie came over with some Charddie on Tuesday last week. I had been drinking every day, and stressing when I didn’t have anything to drink in my house. I’m not really sure what happened to get me to stop for a week, but I’m not complaining.
stardust10
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2020
- Messages
- 1,604
Still going strong after 9months. Had a few hard weeks and gonna be many more to come as I'm starting psychology for PTSD trauma soon was worried about it earlier but I'm just focusing on today and the positives and it's a good one if I recognise it. I'm proud of myself I might have said it in the past but I can feel it. Ashamed undertones yes, I accept it as my illness that will get better hopefully with the help of psychologist but I truly am proud of myself. I still want the instant satisfaction but I'm on a journey as cheesy as it sounds and alcohol has no place in it for now - or maybe even ever.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
9 months! grats!
stardust10
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2020
- Messages
- 1,604
Thanks it means a lot
You're doing really well too it was much harder to begin with!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
out of the last 10 days I have 8 days sober!
80% pretty good, that's a B-
I'm trying to break through that feeling boredom in the evenings. I've just been watching a lot of movies and it's starting to make me a bit stir crazy.
hope everyone else is well!!
80% pretty good, that's a B-
I'm trying to break through that feeling boredom in the evenings. I've just been watching a lot of movies and it's starting to make me a bit stir crazy.
hope everyone else is well!!
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
doing much better with booze this past week.
apart from on the weekend, but that is the weekend. still, drank most of a bottle of gin on saturday night so yesterday was a write off.
but in the week i only drank one night last week, and i didn't enjoy it at all and even though i was relatively sensible by my standards it still negatively impacted my next day at work.
what's changed is i started taking magnesium in a desperate attempt to sort out my waking up between 3 and 5 every morning. and it fucking worked!! its amazing. being so tired made it impossible to feel good, and too tired to do anything, so i was bored, so would drink. not being tired means that i actually have the motivation and energy to do stuff that isn't booze related.
also, whole of last year i was swinging between drinking and bulimia. i made that hard for myself when i moved into my new house by telling my boyf about the purging. i've had ups and downs since, but so far for may i have only purged twice. i think that's the best i've done since i started purging regularly and means i no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for bulimia, which i'm really pleased about.
apart from on the weekend, but that is the weekend. still, drank most of a bottle of gin on saturday night so yesterday was a write off.
but in the week i only drank one night last week, and i didn't enjoy it at all and even though i was relatively sensible by my standards it still negatively impacted my next day at work.
what's changed is i started taking magnesium in a desperate attempt to sort out my waking up between 3 and 5 every morning. and it fucking worked!! its amazing. being so tired made it impossible to feel good, and too tired to do anything, so i was bored, so would drink. not being tired means that i actually have the motivation and energy to do stuff that isn't booze related.
also, whole of last year i was swinging between drinking and bulimia. i made that hard for myself when i moved into my new house by telling my boyf about the purging. i've had ups and downs since, but so far for may i have only purged twice. i think that's the best i've done since i started purging regularly and means i no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for bulimia, which i'm really pleased about.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
This is probably my greatest struggle more than anything right now relating to alcohol
My sleep is disrupted, I seem to sleep in 90 minute cycles, wake up and struggle to get back to sleep, in total I only get around 4.5 hours per night, often less, and it's wearing on me. No matter how much I try, prepare, and practice healthy sleep habits, I can't get more than that when sober.
Magnesium is awesome! It certainly helps, what form are you taking?
I drank last night, but overall I've only been drinking 1 sometimes 2 night per week which is a huge improvement. I'm a lot more motivated to quit and feeling a hell of a lot better than a month ago.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
i'm taking magnesium citrate. someone on another forum recommended that type in particular. i don't know what they based that on but followed it blindly, there was only one other type in the shop.
well done!! your liver will be doing much better. that is a massive improvement.
have you tried dipenhydramine or promethazine? i'm still taking dipenhydramine most nights, though often 25 mg instead of 50. i know its not ideal but right now i'm trying to focus on not hammering my GABA receptors any more.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I've never reacted well to DPH or anticholinergics in general. Even 25mg will give me significant RLS and just makes me feel weird.
I think abusing DPH when I was a teenager ruined it for me.
Wish I could get some promethazine but it's scheduled here. I'd love some hydroxyzine but they treat that like an abusable drug here and don't like giving it out. Ripple effects of the opioid crisis... Even the drugs junkies use to potentiate opioids are stigmatized here.
I think abusing DPH when I was a teenager ruined it for me.
Wish I could get some promethazine but it's scheduled here. I'd love some hydroxyzine but they treat that like an abusable drug here and don't like giving it out. Ripple effects of the opioid crisis... Even the drugs junkies use to potentiate opioids are stigmatized here.
OVER_AMPER
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 30, 2022
- Messages
- 75
My first post in this thread. Alcohol has definitely been a source of problems in my life but mostly just in recent years in regards to relationships. It has always been a source of relief from overwhelming issues floating around in my head. I've always been the type of person that could walk away from any habit but in recent times it seems I come back to alcohol to medicate my issues. I've never been to therapy and to be honest I feel that clinical therapy would probably just leave me feeling awkward and that it was a colossal waste of time for me. I've witnessed others go through therapy and it seems that they just pussyfoot around asking questions that they just reflect back onto the individual to sort through themselves. The thought of that seems to just piss me off about it and want a drink even more to escape the rambling bastard that I just paid for nothing. I would get better therapy from BL or some music or just picking on my guitar. That REALLY helps me a lot. It seems that I can let go of a lot of emotion just playing an instrument and stumbling across tones that seem to resonate with my feelings at the time. I've played many instruments since I was a young lad so it's easier for me to explore tones for emotion than it probably would be for some, though I'm just a self therapeutic player. That's literally why I do it. Maybe you should pick up an instrument and try it. I promise you the first time you hit a couple notes that resonate, it's like a language you can't speak but you feel it and it can flow out of you. Went down a rabbit hole there but back to the subject.
I've done a lot of drugs but always was able to walk away from them when playtime was over. I even quit cigarettes cold turkey for years after years of smoking and then I smoked again for some years. I quit them cold turkey some years ago and the smell of them make me gag today. I smoked crack with a friend after he and I had drank probably more than a case of beer and a fifth of whiskey. After I took a puff of the sizzly stuff, I immediately felt perfectly sober from where a drunk man stood a few short seconds before. I did this many times but walked away. Just didn't care enough about it to invest anything. By the way as a side note, I always thought Crack tasted like the smell of stale air from an inner tube or a basketball. ... I've done meth many times throughout my life and in many ways, though I've never shot anything because even the doctor better ask me if I'm ready before he/she stabs me with a needle! Don't like injections of any kind! Matter of fact I've got some good meth in the drawer right now but I haven't messed with it in many days because I over amped easy as you please last time I hit it and I didn't have a pleasant time but I managed ok. The shit must be near pure. I'll have to tread lightly one step at a time the next time I decide to touch it but I don't care if I went looking for it and it's gone missing. No biggie for me but you know what is a biggie for me? ALCOHOL!
I mentioned before in a different thread that I'm not a repulsive drinker. I don't get belligerent or violent. I'm a rather mellow drinker who tends to feel good, enjoy great music and conversations, gets hungry and finally gets sleepy. I've walked away from everything but alcohol. It's like I can't turn my back on it completely. I have a safety sensitive job that takes me out of town and I can go without alcohol for weeks and feel fine but once I'm off and I have time to reflect... it's a problem if I don't plan the day.
What I've found is that for me at least, moderation doesn't make me feel like I've failed. It seems to be a normal part of my culture except for the lack of moderation. There is a difference between urge and desire. There is a difference between what I like and what I don't like. There is a difference between what I enjoy consuming and what I do not. That line is elusive to the eye as it passes under your feet. I'm not telling anyone not to quit completely. By all means, do so if you feel you need it and more power to you!
I've watched alcoholics try and quit and the shame they had for slipping up and having a few sips absolutely pissed me off because the people who were supposed to be supporting them didn't say that's alright, just pick the ball back up and keep going. No big deal. NO! They stigmatized their actions and probably made the situation worse for the individual because stigmatizing that simple set back was actually telling that person that they have failed. I despise these types of people who haven't walked a mile in your shoes and I would go farther to say that their support for you was likely simply to gain support of their own from those surrounding them because no one that really cares about you in the abstract is ever going to tell you that this is the ultimate failure you've committed. You don't need those toxic kinds of people supporting you because they don't support you really! Let me ask you that if someone with a mental disability was being taught to stop acting out on some behavior that they were driven to do and after a month of being good, they offended again. What do think they would be told? ................?............. I'll tell you. They would be told that they were brave and strong and they've done good this far and everyone can see the improvements that they've been achieving. .................. Now here you are someone who has a problem with alcohol. I've been around the block so many times, I know that for the most part, your problem might be with alcohol but the alcohol isn't the root problem. NO WAY JOSE!........ The alcohol use is a byproduct of the underlying root problem! Now think about that. You might not be mentally handicapped like the last example but you are definitely a victim of a psychological issue and when loved ones and friends stigmatize you as simply a drunkard yet they raise up on a pedestal those with clearly visible mental challenges yet condemn you, what are they saying? I challenge you to answer that question in a loving manner because if you do it's going to expose some serious shortcomings of the very individuals whom you thought would reach down and offer a hand to you in your darkest hour! I am not impressed by narrow, self interested, unenlightened people who claim to be saints.
You do your best and I'll gladly tell you to keep going. For me, moderation is key and acceptable. I may one day just give it up and walk away but I will not be told that I chose my problem over a loved one. If I had chosen alcohol over a loved one, I'd be at the bar or out with friends getting hammered. I certainly wouldn't be with them trying to have a life and fight my problems ALL ALONE.
Sincerely and yours truly,
Love OVER_AMPER.
I've done a lot of drugs but always was able to walk away from them when playtime was over. I even quit cigarettes cold turkey for years after years of smoking and then I smoked again for some years. I quit them cold turkey some years ago and the smell of them make me gag today. I smoked crack with a friend after he and I had drank probably more than a case of beer and a fifth of whiskey. After I took a puff of the sizzly stuff, I immediately felt perfectly sober from where a drunk man stood a few short seconds before. I did this many times but walked away. Just didn't care enough about it to invest anything. By the way as a side note, I always thought Crack tasted like the smell of stale air from an inner tube or a basketball. ... I've done meth many times throughout my life and in many ways, though I've never shot anything because even the doctor better ask me if I'm ready before he/she stabs me with a needle! Don't like injections of any kind! Matter of fact I've got some good meth in the drawer right now but I haven't messed with it in many days because I over amped easy as you please last time I hit it and I didn't have a pleasant time but I managed ok. The shit must be near pure. I'll have to tread lightly one step at a time the next time I decide to touch it but I don't care if I went looking for it and it's gone missing. No biggie for me but you know what is a biggie for me? ALCOHOL!
I mentioned before in a different thread that I'm not a repulsive drinker. I don't get belligerent or violent. I'm a rather mellow drinker who tends to feel good, enjoy great music and conversations, gets hungry and finally gets sleepy. I've walked away from everything but alcohol. It's like I can't turn my back on it completely. I have a safety sensitive job that takes me out of town and I can go without alcohol for weeks and feel fine but once I'm off and I have time to reflect... it's a problem if I don't plan the day.
What I've found is that for me at least, moderation doesn't make me feel like I've failed. It seems to be a normal part of my culture except for the lack of moderation. There is a difference between urge and desire. There is a difference between what I like and what I don't like. There is a difference between what I enjoy consuming and what I do not. That line is elusive to the eye as it passes under your feet. I'm not telling anyone not to quit completely. By all means, do so if you feel you need it and more power to you!
I've watched alcoholics try and quit and the shame they had for slipping up and having a few sips absolutely pissed me off because the people who were supposed to be supporting them didn't say that's alright, just pick the ball back up and keep going. No big deal. NO! They stigmatized their actions and probably made the situation worse for the individual because stigmatizing that simple set back was actually telling that person that they have failed. I despise these types of people who haven't walked a mile in your shoes and I would go farther to say that their support for you was likely simply to gain support of their own from those surrounding them because no one that really cares about you in the abstract is ever going to tell you that this is the ultimate failure you've committed. You don't need those toxic kinds of people supporting you because they don't support you really! Let me ask you that if someone with a mental disability was being taught to stop acting out on some behavior that they were driven to do and after a month of being good, they offended again. What do think they would be told? ................?............. I'll tell you. They would be told that they were brave and strong and they've done good this far and everyone can see the improvements that they've been achieving. .................. Now here you are someone who has a problem with alcohol. I've been around the block so many times, I know that for the most part, your problem might be with alcohol but the alcohol isn't the root problem. NO WAY JOSE!........ The alcohol use is a byproduct of the underlying root problem! Now think about that. You might not be mentally handicapped like the last example but you are definitely a victim of a psychological issue and when loved ones and friends stigmatize you as simply a drunkard yet they raise up on a pedestal those with clearly visible mental challenges yet condemn you, what are they saying? I challenge you to answer that question in a loving manner because if you do it's going to expose some serious shortcomings of the very individuals whom you thought would reach down and offer a hand to you in your darkest hour! I am not impressed by narrow, self interested, unenlightened people who claim to be saints.
You do your best and I'll gladly tell you to keep going. For me, moderation is key and acceptable. I may one day just give it up and walk away but I will not be told that I chose my problem over a loved one. If I had chosen alcohol over a loved one, I'd be at the bar or out with friends getting hammered. I certainly wouldn't be with them trying to have a life and fight my problems ALL ALONE.
Sincerely and yours truly,
Love OVER_AMPER.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
@OVER_AMPER Great post man and welcome to Bluelight!
Therapy can be really underwhelming especially if you get a bad therapist, which many are unfortunately. For me I find the benefit in the accountability it provides to yourself. Often when you talk to someone else about what you are thinking in your own head it provides some sort of relief or reinforcement. Just talking to someone about your most personal thoughts, externalizing them, can be very helpful. Even if I don't really learn or realize anything new after talking to someone, I often feel better or more confident than had I not gone. But it can certainly be hit or miss.
One of the best things I love about bluelight is just being able to talk and relate to other addicts, we truly understand each other. Non-addicts simply just don't understand and can be extremely judgemental.
Unfortunately I can't moderate alcohol, at all really. Drinking, for me, is like falling down a flight of stairs. I can't choose a step to land on. I stop when I run out of momentum which is when I black out.
For me, moderation is choosing not to do hard drugs. Alcohol is my moderation, in that sense. Haven't done any hard drugs for almost 2 years now. My last overdose on fentanyl was my stopping point and final wake up call on that front. I can't moderate alcohol, but at least I won't be overdosing anytime soon (knock on wood). I have lost too many friends to fentanyl, and too much of myself.
Anyways, welcome. Hope to see you around, we're a cool and supportive bunch
Therapy can be really underwhelming especially if you get a bad therapist, which many are unfortunately. For me I find the benefit in the accountability it provides to yourself. Often when you talk to someone else about what you are thinking in your own head it provides some sort of relief or reinforcement. Just talking to someone about your most personal thoughts, externalizing them, can be very helpful. Even if I don't really learn or realize anything new after talking to someone, I often feel better or more confident than had I not gone. But it can certainly be hit or miss.
One of the best things I love about bluelight is just being able to talk and relate to other addicts, we truly understand each other. Non-addicts simply just don't understand and can be extremely judgemental.
Unfortunately I can't moderate alcohol, at all really. Drinking, for me, is like falling down a flight of stairs. I can't choose a step to land on. I stop when I run out of momentum which is when I black out.
For me, moderation is choosing not to do hard drugs. Alcohol is my moderation, in that sense. Haven't done any hard drugs for almost 2 years now. My last overdose on fentanyl was my stopping point and final wake up call on that front. I can't moderate alcohol, but at least I won't be overdosing anytime soon (knock on wood). I have lost too many friends to fentanyl, and too much of myself.
Anyways, welcome. Hope to see you around, we're a cool and supportive bunch
OVER_AMPER
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 30, 2022
- Messages
- 75
@Snafu in the Void ok. How much do I owe you? Because you just did what a therapist would do but you did it for free so far. I thank you for the warm welcome. I hear you on the alcohol issue. I think alcohol is probably my most knowledgeable drug topic. I firmly believe I could probably help you. It's just a matter of whether you trust a fellow alcoholic or not really. I see what you have said and I indeed can relate to that but you aren't seeing the line when you walk across it. You might not care if you see it but if you do, I can help you recognize it.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
Nothing, because we just exchanged therapy!
-->
Spoken like a true therapist!
OVER_AMPER
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 30, 2022
- Messages
- 75
Omg. I laughed so hard I woke my mom. I'm visiting her. She's like what the fuck. HaNothing, because we just exchanged therapy!
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Spoken like a true therapist!