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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

Tell a shit joke

What do say to a woman with two black eyes?






Noughting, she's been told twice already.
 
whats red wrapped in newspaper and sits outside a chipshp







an abortion of chips
 
British army unit in WW2 were starving hungry so the sage gives them a map to the location of a bacon tree 5 men set off






one comes back with bullet wounds ans says sarge it wasnt a bacon tree it was a ham bush
 
a man walkes into a pub with a dead dog. The barman says you cant leave that lyin there






The man said its not a lion its a dog
 
Author of a book called Death on a Cliff by Aileen Dover

Author of a book called Haunted House by Hugo Furst

Author of a book called Sex on the Beach by Sandy Cox
 
How many Hippies does it take to change a light bulb






10 one to change it and the other nine to share the experience
 
English man Irish man and a Scots man in a desert. Dying of thirst they come across a lamp rub it and out popps a Genie and grants them all one wish

The Englishman wishes to be in bed wife his wife with a full English breakfast followed by a blowjob and poof he is gone

The Scotsman wishes he was in his local with all the single malt whiskey he could drink and poof he is gone

The Irishman ponders his wish for a while and says its getting kind of lonely on my own I wish my mates were back with me
 
A man walks into a pub and just sits in the corner without buying a drink just reading a newspaper. After an hour pissed off the landlord walks up to him and says can I get you a drink. The man says thank you a double whiskey would be nice. the landlord bring his whiskey and says £4.80 please the man replies you offered me a drink I didn't ask for one thinks for your hospitality. Right that's it say the landlord your barred. The man drinks his large whiskey and leaves.

3 months pass and the same man walks in to the pub sits in the corner and reads his newspaper.Right that's it thinks the landlord and walks up to the man and says you're barred. What do you mean barred I have never been in this pub in my life in fact I am not even from round here I am just passing through. The landlord says are you sure and the man says honestly I have never been in here before. The landlord pipes up and says well you must have a double. Thanks says the man mines a large whiskey.
 
Irish Paddy walks onto a building site looking for a job and the foreman says answer a few questions and the job is yours. ok says Paddy

Question 1 give me a word with great in it. Easy says Paddy. I have a donkey jacket I think its great. Well done says the foreman
Question 2 give me a word with eight in it, Easy says Paddy. I have a daughter she is eight. Well done says the foreman
question 3 give me a word with fascinate in it. Easy says paddy I have a donkey jacket I think its great. No says the foreman FASCINATE if you dont get this right I cant give you a job. Ok says Paddy. I have a donkey jacket I think its great its got nine buttons but i can only fasten eight
 
tunesey said:
English man Irish man and a Scots man in a desert. Dying of thirst they come across a lamp rub it and out popps a Genie and grants them all one wish

The Englishman wishes to be in bed wife his wife with a full English breakfast followed by a blowjob and poof he is gone

The Scotsman wishes he was in his local with all the single malt whiskey he could drink and poof he is gone

The Irishman ponders his wish for a while and says its getting kind of lonely on my own I wish my mates were back with me
Click to expand...


A french guy, a german guy and a jewish guy are lost in the desert. They've been walking for miles and are dying of thirst.

The french guy says: "I'm so tired, I'm so thirsty - I must... I must have some fine french wine".

The german guy says: "I'm so tired, I'm so thirsty - I must... I have a good german beer".

The jewish guy says: "I'm so tired, I'm so thirsty - I must... I must have diabetes".
 
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?





Oral sex makes your day and anal sex makes your (w)hole weak!
 
Also some good ones MrCookiE must be the British sense of humour. What do you get after masturbating for five days



A Week End.
 
What do you call the part between a woman's pussy and her ass hole





A chin rest
 
A woman wakes up from a viginal tuck to find three bunches of flowers on her window sill....

One from the doctor to say "all went well"

One from her husband to say "I love you get well soon"

And one from tommy in the burns unit to say "thanks for the new ears"
 
A car pulls into a garage. While the attendant puts some petrol in he notices a penguin in the back seat. He says to the driver "ooh you've got a penguin. Where'd you get that?"

The driver says "i found it on the side of the road. i don't really know what to do with it to be honest..."

"You should probably take it to the zoo or something" says the attendant. "Yeah good idea" says the driver "thanks" and drives off.

The next day the same car pulls into the garage. The attendant goes to put in petrol, sees the penguin still there in the back. "i thought you were going to take it to the zoo"

"Yeah, i did that and he loved it. Now we're off to the cinema."


...
(probably butchered that one)
 
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