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Social Tell a Joke

jasperkent said:
OK, I'll tell my one Xmas joke, which I tell every year:

Why were the three wise men covered in ashes & soot?

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(in my best rural TN accent)
'Cuz they'd come from a far!
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good thing you mentioned the accent, otherwise it would have been lost on me (as i think will be lost on users not familiar with us accents)
 
jasperkent said:
OK, I'll tell my one Xmas joke, which I tell every year:

Why were the three wise men covered in ashes & soot?

.
.
.
.
.

(in my best rural TN accent)
'Cuz they'd come from a far!
Click to expand...
This reminds me of one of my favorite jokes:

Q: What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A: a violin has strings, whiles a fiddle got strangs

( Said in a proper hillbilly accent)
 
chippermonk said:
Well, I wasn't sure if this should go under Religion and Philosophy section rather than Jokes, but anyhow.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi wanted to see who was best at their job, so each went into the woods to find a bear and try to convert it,

Later, they all got together. The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the catcechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion."

The minister says: "I found a bear by the stream and preached God's Holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him."

They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a stretcher in a full body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I should not have started with the circumcision."
Click to expand...
Hehe 😄
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
lol I wish I could hear you do the accent. I got a thick Bronx accent and think Tennessee accents are cool lol 😄
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Well, my put-on accent sounds very much like Trae Crowder's real accent (below).
It's basically the male version of Dolly Parton.
Yes, I grew up with folks who talked exactly like that. And yes, even my normal voice sounds a little bit like that. I reckon.

 
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chippermonk said:
This reminds me of one of my favorite jokes:

Q: What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?

A: a violin has strings, whiles a fiddle got strangs

( Said in a proper hillbilly accent)
Click to expand...
Which reminds me of the joke popular among bluegrass musicians:

Q: How do you know if a banjo player is knocking on your door?
A: They knock too loud, too fast, and they never know when to come in.
 
A penguin goes into 7-11 and walks up to the cashier.

The penguin asks, "got any grapes?"

The cashier says, "No, we don't have any grapes."

The penguin leaves but comes back 20 minutes later and asks the cashier, "got any grapes?"

The cashier says, "No we don't. This is 7-11. We do not sell grapes."

The penguin leaves but comes back 20 minutes later and asks the cashier, "got any grapes?"

The cashier angrily says, "LISTEN - We don't have any fucking grapes and if you come in here again asking for fucking grapes I will nail your ass to the motherfucking floor!"

The penguin leaves but comes back 20 minutes later and asks the cashier, "got any nails?"

The cashier yells, "we don't have any fucking nails!"

The penguin asks, "got any grapes?"



---

When you tell the joke, it's best if you give the penguin a funny voice.
 
Bacon, eggs, toast, and orange juice walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
 
when Inuit go clubbing
it has an entirely different meaning for them
than the rest of the world
 
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a shot and a beer.
After a few minutes the neutron orders another round.
After ordering a third round the neutron asks the bartender how much the neutron owed.
The bartender just looks at him and replies "for you, no charge".
 
A hot dog goes into a bar says hey bartender give me a beer bartender looks at the hot dog says sorry pal can't do.

Guy walks into the bar says hey bartender give me a beer, bartender turns around looks at the guy says yes sir coming right up.

The hot dog says whoa whoa whoa I asked you for a beer and you tell me you can't do it and this guy walks in asks for a beer and you're telling him coming right up what's going on ?

Bartender turns to the hot dog and says sorry pal we don't serve food here.

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what do you tell someone with 2 black eyes

nothing, they've already been told twice

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Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they are ugly and they smell.
 
two Chinese
one speaks Mandarin
one speaks Cantonese


one is the eye doctor
the other is the patient

they agree they're not gonna speak Chinese because they speak different dialects

so they agree to do the exam in English


eye doctor

looks into the eyes of the patient

and says: oh, rooks rike you have a cataract

patient says: no no I drive a Rincoln
 
I used to play triangle in a jamaican band. I didn't do much just atood at the back and ting.
 
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