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Social Tell a Joke

Michael Jackson's nose falls off...my nose falls off...haha :(

Sorry that's not a joke...literally my nose is falling off

Or was it funny on South Park

Might be a joke
 
magnetic septum piercing does not cause a structural deviated septum (which is a displacement of the nasal cartilage and bone usually present from birth, genetics, or physical injury), but it can cause severe localized tissue damage, necrosis, and a septal perforation (a hole through the wall of the nose).

Sorry back to jokes ...
 
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Guy walks into a chippy, orders his chips, looks for somewhere to sit down. All the seats are taken apart from one table where a leper is sat eating his chips.

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all, sit down, friend”

They sit silently together eating their chips. Until the guy looks up, looks directly at the leper and promptly vomits profusely.

“I’m sorry, man. I get this all the time. Don’t feel bad, I’ll just leave,” says the leper.

“Oh no, no! You’ve done nothing wrong! Stay! Stay!”

“If you’re sure…”

They return to silently eating their chips. Until the man looks up and, once again, vomits profusely.

“Nah, man. I get you’re trying to be nice but honestly don’t worry: I’ll just leave”

“Please don’t! It’s not you! I promise!”

“If you’re really sure…”

They return to silently eating their chips. Until the guy once again looks the leper directly in the eye and vomits profusely.

“Look, mate. I appreciate you trying to be nice but this is getting weird now so I’m just gonna go”

“No! Please don’t! You’ve done nothing wrong!”

“Then why the fuck do you throw up every time you look at me?”

“It’s not you - it really isn’t… it’s the bloke behind you: he’s dipping his chips in your neck”
 
A man, down on his luck, goes to the local church to pray.

He prays for food and, miraculously, a hunk of meat falls from the sky.

“Hallelujah!”

The man goes home to feed his family.

This continues for a week until he finally encounters the priest.

“Father, father! I have prayed for sustenance and the Lord has provided!”

“Really?”

“Oh yes! Just last night he provided us with sausage and we were fed!”

“Hmm… well we currently have a programme where lepers are painting the ceiling so I wonder if it was the Lord of maybe just the loins…”
 
An Irishman, A Scotsman, and a Englishman all walk into a pub. They all sit down, and each orders a pint of beer.
The bartender bring them their beers and at the same time a fly lands in each of their pints.

The Irishman, flicks the fly away and chugs his pint, then he orders another one.

The Englishman has a hissy fit, and demands to be given a new pint; because there is fly in it, and he won't drink it.

The Scotsman grabs the fly by his wings, holding it over his pint. He then, red faced and angry, screams at the top of lungs: Spit it out, spit it out, spit it out ya wee thieving bastard!! Spit it out!!
 
Jnowhere said:
An Irishman, A Scotsman, and a Englishman all walk into a pub. They all sit down, and each orders a pint of beer.
The bartender bring them their beers and at the same time a fly lands in each of their pints.

The Irishman, flicks the fly away and chugs his pint, then he orders another one.

The Englishman has a hissy fit, and demands to be given a new pint; because there is fly in it, and he won't drink it.

The Scotsman grabs the fly by his wings, holding it over his pint. He then, red faced and angry, screams at the top of lungs: Spit it out, spit it out, spit it out ya wee thieving bastard!! Spit it out!!
Click to expand...

o37otRN.jpeg
lool
 
An older Irishman, an older Scotsman, and an older Englishman all find a lamp on a beach in northern Scotland. The scotsman grabs the lamp and wipes the sand of it and a Genie appears. He says, "Thank you for releasing me from that lamp" and tells them, he will grant them each a wish.

The old Scot says, " Me grandfather was a fisherman, me father was a fisherman, I'm a fisherman, me son is a fisherman, and my wee grandson wants to be a fisherman".

So he says "for my family and all fisherman I wish that the Oceans and seas will always be teaming with fish".

The genie; grants him, his wish, and Oceans and Seas are full of fish forever.

The older Englishman says, " I am sick and tired of people invading and ruining my country". So for my countrymen and future generations; "I want an huge impenetrable wall around my country"!

So the Genie grants him his wish.

The Irishman takes a swig of whiskey from his flask and asks the Genie if he can tell him about the wall, The Englishman wished for.

"Sure", says The Genie. "It is an impenetrable wall that runs along The Anglo-Scottish boarder. Then down all along the coast of England, up the Anglo- Welsh border and back to Scottish border in the west".
" It is 3 miles high, a mile thick and made of stone."

The Irishman takes another swig off his flask, and says "This is for me ancestors; "Genie would you fill it to the brim with raw sewage"!
 
Jnowhere said:
An Irishman, A Scotsman, and a Englishman all walk into a pub. They all sit down, and each orders a pint of beer.
The bartender bring them their beers and at the same time a fly lands in each of their pints.

The Irishman, flicks the fly away and chugs his pint, then he orders another one.

The Englishman has a hissy fit, and demands to be given a new pint; because there is fly in it, and he won't drink it.

The Scotsman grabs the fly by his wings, holding it over his pint. He then, red faced and angry, screams at the top of lungs: Spit it out, spit it out, spit it out ya wee thieving bastard!! Spit it out!!
Click to expand...
Funny cos it's true
 
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