I texted my ex today and she ended up telling me that the guy she's now with beat her up last night, giving her a black eye, swollen lips and a bunch of other minor stuff. I didn't exactly know how to respond other than to tell her that she needed to contact the authorities ("No, no, no...I have warrants"), what he did was wrong, and that she needs to get some kind of external help sooner than later. She just kept telling me that she loves him and that he's a good guy who just had a bad night. And she rejected the idea of going to a support group because she in her head equates that with being pathetic and a failure.
Despite no longer having feelings for her after a terrible breakup last year, I still feel really emotional about this. Nobody deserves anything like that. And then I want to blame myself, as my irrational thinking has strung together a chain of events that blames my own actions for this. Essentially when I went to in-patient rehab suddenly in a year or so ago, I was abruptly cut out of her life and she lost a lot of support from me (emotional and financial). She had to move in with people she barely knew and had to take a second, and even for a bit of time a third, job. Still not being able to meet the demanded rent (she was battling her own addiction at the time), she apparently left that living situation and moved in with this dude who did this to her. So if I didn't let my addiction spiral to the point of an abrupt ship-off to rehab, she would not have had to bounce around housing situations with little money and weak/strained relationships with the people she had to move in with in order to avoid being homeless, and she would not have ultimately end up feeling trapped in a new relationship with a guy who beats her just because she needed the roof he provided. I know, she's an adult who needs to take care of herself, and she made the choice to live with and date this guy. But I still want to blame myself because the way I see it, my screw-up was the first domino.
So this has been emotionally screwing with me all day now. I keep texting her information about support groups and other ways to get help, but she just keeps telling me that I don't understand, don't know the guy, etc. And yet these are mixed in with texts about how she feels alone deep-down and her own rhetoric about whether the fact that he provides for her should forgive him, at least partially, for the violent acts (which seems to me like a dig at me for not providing for her when I abruptly went to rehab).
I know that I should probably just cease contact with her and hope for the best.
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