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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS Social thread vs. 2012.1

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Goddamn same shit for me, nights mostly in my kid is going to live with her mother come mid year so that im sure will drasticly change things... I get pised goddamn it i wouldnt give up the last 12 years of raisin her for nothin... But goddamn iv'e the feeling im gunna cut fuckin loose when that change happen... "get life" also on the list.. nothing sadder than bein wanting to bust out but responsibility overcomes it:|
Caved in to ciggys again, its just me and a shiraz now, kiddo's tuckin into dinner a few tv shows and she b in bed. Dunno where tonights gonna carry me, wherever it is its most likley to be fucking sad. Must nearly b time for the ameribluelighters to be awakening (or still up) i always wonder about the U.S and some of the shit re drugs and stuff that they have to put up with.. It only quarter as bad as it is here in OZ/ NZ.
 
^ Im just glad i only haveto manage one.... If two other friends come over its fucking chaos, an ex of mine had two and @ one stage i was managing 3 of em.... (as much as ya love em they can be right little asshats) shit had me in a complete headfuck although admitidly this was around the time id wake up to benzos, have a drink, chug some PST, throw amps into me and drop a couple of E's... Im really gettin this impending feeling of i wanna go back there, but i must wait till ive not got her with me, kids and gettin on benderz aint good even if they are understansive of what ur doin... Like the time when my daughter was turning into a human rat and i had to explain that we couldnt go to the petstore because she was growing whiskers and a funny nose.... She was like yea right, u trippin let me go and get you a picture of icecream to look at. so no trauma caused she understood that we was havin a party and laughung heaps. She the best my lil un, even if she drives me insane with the pre-teen attitude:\
 
Ehh I guess I don't mind them once they are that age actually.
I live with my flatmate's 2 year old and occasionally her sisters 1 year old will be baby sat here, and they drive me mental just being around them, let alone if I had to be responsible for them *shudders* .
I stay in my room if I'm high, I don't want to teach them crazyness lol, actually I stay in my room anyway even when normal, I should buy a TV or something.. but theres only informercials on during my usual awake time anyway
 
I feel reasonably good actually, you know in general, with life, it's a bit of a mess but it's not so bad really, I'm not suffering.
 
I didnt really mean to teach my kid chaos it sorta just came with the territory since she was little. Ashamed to say by the time she was 3 i could put a bud in my hand and say "what that?" and she would jump up in tha air and go WEEEED! She as savy as i was and it hasnt diminished over the years, they jus keep gettin smarter. Am glad in a way she has seen me on just about everyhing and now @ this age.... wouldnt touch a cigerette, wont drink, understands psycotropic substances, the dangers of usage With the respect for substances and the fact that if you dont treat certain things as sacred and dont tread carfull.. she knows what can happen. Not the best parent il be the first to admit, but at least shes grown to see these things and steer clear. If the time comes i know she will come to me but i doubt she gonna follow my path. A good but bad example if you would.
 
I wasn't trying to say you were a bad parent or anything, I think children should be educated about drugs, maybe not at 3 but if thats whats happening around her its better that she understands it. I just hide away because a. they are not my kids and not my decision how to educate them b. I don't much like being around kids and c. I don't think I'd be very good at delivering a good drug education to children.
 
Well i think for one that how you handle this is great. especialy given that they not ur responsibility you are thoughtfull of others, thats something imo that humanity is lacking.... No way would i call myself a bad parent, Im not perfect by any means.... But ive done all that i thought at the time was best for her and nothing else. I wouldnt immagine ud make that call anyway Libbz, Ur a definite gem and i think we are on the same page with alot of things%)
 
I don't think I'm really thoughtful of others, I know what it feels like to have your needs, freedoms and rights routinely violated by others and grew up with a volatile resentment for people who take their liberties while denying others theirs. I do not think much about others, only that my rights are earned by allowing them their rights, if I take away theirs then I do not deserve mine, and have no right to protest those who do wrong against me. I think mainly of myself, but do not get in the way of others.
Actually I would go as far as to say I am almost completely self-absorbed lol.

If you are not causing suffering, if you are loving and caring and even better educating your children than that's more than I ever dreamed of as a child. If I saw someone abusing their kids, like I was, I couldn't stay out of it I don't think, it makes my blood boil, I know that people even abusive parents generally love their kids and are doing their best, but I have no problem saying they need help to become a good parent, even though it's none of my buisness, it strikes me deep inside.
I know I wouldnt be a good parent, so I don't have kids. no one forces anyone to.
 
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^ if you wasnt thoughtfull of others Libby, you wouldnt post tha love and hugs that you do. Like me you need to give more credit to urself coz u so much more of a beautifull person than u realise<3
 
Fair trade is all lol, I winge to everyone about my issues so the least I can do it try to help with some of theirs, usually I don't think I have much advice to give but I know love can make the world of difference too knowing someone is there with you you. *shrug* But yeah even if no one was helping me I wouldn't want people to be suffering, i think that everyone should feel this way though, this should be normal, some people are just cruel it's unnatural. I guess they have their reasons too...

You are beautiful person too *hug*
 
I know it's super naive and idealistic, but doesn't anyone else ever imagine what the world could be if everyone respected one another and worked together rather than exploiting those in weaker positions. I used to think such a world could be lol, when I was a child. I know it's not that simple now, but still... This is why I live my life inside my head, it's much nicer in there. Haha

I have to grow up and pull myself into reality, and my expectations of myself (like the world) have to become sooooo much lower than I'ld like them to be if I am ever going to un-paralise myself.

Oh satan, I hate when I get my ramble on, someone else's turn? please?
 
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I'll take a turn at rambling.

My father has always been a good man who has an anger problem and does not take care of himself adequately. I have needed to check on him nearly constantly. I do not trust him to care for himself. It is not difficult to discern that he has blown a gasket, so I need to take care of the house. I am tired of cleaning up this mess - but I am a good daughter.

I asked someone much more qualified than I am to sort this, and I was told it was a holiday weekend and that I had to handle it myself. I made supper way earlier and let my father relax. I won't put up with this crap any further. My eye is thankfully not as fucked as it could have been. Stupid head trauma. I can at least see out of it in order to make supper for my father, and if he hears the proper riot act, it is because he deserves it - and he wasn't the one who smacked me in the eye. Not this time.
 
Not this time? Excuse my ignorance of family love, but why are you caring for someone who beats you? And who did it this time?
 
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