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TDS Social~EveryOne Look at Your Neighbor With Love

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panic in paradise said:
lol
whaaat???
=D
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I am so so shit at it man! I can't handle it :D


taow, I was just talking with my friend about poker this morning. She plays in tournaments and stuff and I reckon I could be good at it if I gave it a chance. I don't have enough time to play though.
My boyfriend is fucking obsessed with poker as well....I'm sure he would appreciate it if I showed some interest... :\
 
i love love love board and card games of all description....ESPECIALLY poker :D

dude i've never been to a MA meeting before. how was it?
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it's really cool. mj was always #1. i put it before everything and it ended up being my downfall/rebirth. it is very helpful to go to a meeting where other people have a similar addiction. mj is unique in that it isn't as absolutely destructive as addiction to other drugs, it is a medicine and tool for enlightenment, and should be used as such. getting high all day every day because one is addicted is a problem. ...don't get me wrong, i definitely need the AA as well, lol
 
n3o if he's playin hold em give me 30 minutes on pokerstars.net and you can learn / get a good concept of how to play hands down. If you want to tho man ! LOL If you want nothin to do with it ,, well then by all means don't hahaha. I make more off of going to foxwoods and atlantic city than I can in couple weeks at a normal job if i only go down every coulpe months and really play smart. It's a fun time man I used to study it like a wicked dork lol.
 
In exactly one week my probation officially ends, and I get my driver's license returned... yay! :D
 
spent a good part of my day crawling under a house fixing pipes.
everything was cool till i saw the spiders. things were everywhere, luckly i had a hammer to mash them with, they know my scent now.. its only a matter of time.
 
goin to house of blues in a bit... should be a decent time. I can't fucking take how angry I am - I need to get out to chill n just party down some man - my anger is my least favorite or up there quality. Really annoys me.
 
^^ Yeah, anger is one of the least productive emotions that a human can have man. Not good :(
I hope you're feeling better soon <3

D's said:
they know my scent now.. its only a matter of time.
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Nooo, don't be silly man :D Spiders don't "smell" you, they're not gonna come after you :) <3
 
fuck it I can almost promise I saved myself from trouble tonight , and I'm glad my heart listened.
 
So, I'm kind of excited........
My therapist has asked me to join a group for Mindfulness Meditation.
I think I'm going to do it.
Its a bit of a commitment, but I'm ready. :)
I won't start for a couple weeks and I need to read the print out on it but they're only letting 12 people in and I have to get back to her next week on whether or not I want one of the spots.
Its just about two hours once a week for 8 wks plus homework- but I'm kinda loving this idea!
 
Nice ocean :) I don't put much conscious focus on it right now, but mindfulness practice really has helped me a lot. It can really change the way you experience everything.
 
sounds like a good intro ocean. do you have any "formal" experience with meditation practice?
 
love love LOVE mindfulness meditation. dbt was based on it. even though i don't have dbt anymore, i still try to practice mindfulness daily and it's helped soooo much for me. :)
 
I don't really post here usually, but I read it and it's inspiring. I didn't know where else to put this, but my sister suffered from brain cancer nearly 10 years ago and has some minor brain damage, but she is alive still. She just got a job (she's had jobs before but the always fall through) but she actually got a job doing horticulture, something she loves and I feel like this is something she will actually succeed at.
I guess this is so important because alot of times my sister's illness and the after-effects trigger my drug abuse quite often as alot of times I am so depressed about it in general that I just want to forget in any way possible. I know this is being a pussy since my sister has to deal with so much worse, but i just can't help it.
I'm not saying that this will keep me from using, abut it is a good chance to try to make a change for the best.

anyways, hope everyone will keep doing well.
 
Hi muvolution, welcome to The Dark Side <3
Sorry to hear about your sister's illness man, but it sounds like she's doing really well now. She is very lucky to be alive and I'm sure you're thankful for that.
Do you speak to her about it at all? Perhaps if you open up to her and tell her how it has affected you, you might feel a bit more at peace with the whole situation. I can imagine it would've been really hard for you to have to watch your sister go through chemo and everything, but maybe there are certain parts of that experience you need to talk about in order to let go of them. What do you think?
 
Thanks everyone.
Yeah I talk to her about it - I know some things do affect me permanently, like there are times when her brain injuries are really obvious in memory or mood swings, etc... and it's like an instant trigger, I have to like immediately go get high (i'm an opiates person). But I don't quite tell her that much but I always try to let her know that I love her and am there for her, but when she doesn't change her actions or take advice, I just don't know what to do.

Another thing that I can't really talk to her or anyone about is that there was a girl who did chemo with her, and I was about 14 at the time an she was too (my sister was 11) and that (for me) is like the beginning of dating and stuff and I kinda dated this girl a little and I really liked her - she was on round two with lukemia and it went into remission - she had lost a leg from it the first time, so she was an amputee, but was just absolutely gorgeous, i can never ever forget her face - she went into remission and we kept seeing each other throughout my sisters treatment. Well she had a relapse,s o it was her third battle with lukemia, and I know she was on heavy pain pills, fentanyl and hydromorphone I think, and she tried to fight it for a couple months, but she was in so much pain that she died. I think she took her own life, cause of death was a massive overdose of hydromorphone and fentanyl, she was smart so I don't think it was an accident, but it was never said whether it was intentional of accidental.
That fucked me up, I think, and I think it has something to do with my drug of choice and sometimes destructive behavior. And I've only ever talked to one other person about this - I don't want to put my addiction problems on anyone because they are mine alone and these people went through so much more than me.... fuck. i don't know.
 
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