• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS Photo Thread v. You look like..........

Status
Not open for further replies.
thanks :)
me too
theres another one on my facebook but its just not as visually appealing as that one, imo
 
don't know ya'll - hi i'm BPD. the type that's learned to stop sticking his head in the fire (coming into contact with other people).

this weekend it's totally owned me. finally facing the fear and going to the corner store to obtain nutrition was the usual trauma. back to work tomorrow. looking forward to yet another day being ripped apart by fear, shame for being like i am, and the humiliation that results from being psychologically frozen in the headlights of others' perception - and run over. mental roadkill !

anyhow, thank god for TDS. inappropriate feelings of affection !!!
 
Last edited:
Yeah nice to put a face to the name cato9lives :)
Where are you at with your BPD? Do you have regular therapy? Are you on meds? (of course, you don't have to talk about it if you're not comfortable doing so)
 
thanks both for the welcome. this forum can be a literal lifesaver, even for those too skittish to really participate ! (like me)

the BPD is daily brutality. walking through the world of people, for me, is like wandering starving through a supermarket with my lips sewn shut. it's a kind of torture. i LOVE the human race, but seem separated from it by bars made of my own bone and skin.

i'm an old fucker (how i feel anyhow), all of 39, and back in the 80s had a series of negative experiences with psychiatry. they did me big time damage. so i stay away from that, and i don't think there are any groups for this where i live. it's my feeling that this is a social disorder, in my case definitely, and one-on-one therapy would have limited benefits. i can see a group situation helping, but i'm not aware of anything in my area. and besides, a "group of BPDers" is an oxymoron !

so i "self-medicate". i cycle up and down on opiates, which provide me with essential relief from the anxiety and constant emotional shrapnel; without them i literally start to go insane from the mental thorns that rip away at me; and psychedelics and weed, which help me reframe the difficulties i face and keep my third eye on the cosmic evolutionary scene - making my little hairless monkey problems seem tiny !

i know the opiates are just filling that void, and i'd trade them in a heartbeat for the ability to play that hugely complicated game people play with each other every damn day; might as well ask me to mathematically describe quantum mechanics. and it's so fucking easy for them !

anyhow that's why i love this place ! i've seen a lot of similarly dysfunctional yet wonderful people on here, and it gives me hope that i can be fucked up and still be a good person !!! !!!
 
Last edited:
^Welcome cat :) <3
You look a little tiny bit like Panic in Paradise!! (I think its just the dark hair/pale skin, honestly:))
Your story sounds like something he could relate to as well................

edit:

=D
 
Last edited:
^Well, part of it is likely the angle- and part of it is ten lbs i lost :)
Thanks for commenting:D hahahah 'cause it seems like I haven't lost anything to me!!!
The scale says different but my eyes...........my eyes see the same ole me.
 
ocean said:
^Hey 180 is okay! :) Worth it to be clean!!
I gained 25 lbs after quitting smoking but I think it is a fair trade :)
Click to expand...

Ugh, I gained FORTY lbs when I quit doing cocaine in high school and got sent away for eleven months. Thankfully I dropped about 20 lbs of it and now I'm at a good weight for my height (it goes back and forth but is usually between 120 and 130 at 5'6").

It was definitely worth it though; definitely a fair trade. I looked way better being kinda chubby than I did really skinny... plus my boobs got fucking huge :P
 
^Yeah.........
When I was on coke I had a 19 inch waist, DD boobs, weighed like 125-135 at 5'9" and you could see bones..........I loved it at the time and now I look back and think what a cokehead I looked like-
I blew up when I quit doing coke............my mother said yesterday that she thinks I messed my body up bad (like got borderline diabetes and whatever) doing drugs- She is probably right :(
I stayed bigger but was happy- until I quit smoking cigarettes!! This last 25 lbs has put me in a funk about my weight.
 
Here are a couple of photos from the beach party on the weekend.
Note: It wasn't actually AT the beach, it was just in some guy's backyard with a whole heap of sand dumped on the grass hahaha. Good times %)
me_megan1.jpg


beachparty.jpg
 
hv2b2w.jpg

Hey Bluelighters & fellow Greenlighters!
Here is the most recent photo of me taken about a week and a half ago—prior to detoxing.
Luckily, this time around, it hasn't been nearly as harrowing. I've certainly had a hell of a past few years, though. Drawn to TDS due to my ongoing struggles with opiate addiction, PTSD, depression, and severe panic attacks.

Looking forward to hearing from you all! =D
 
Last edited:
Whats a "greenlighter"? I've been here a while and its the first time I've heard it. Is that what bluelight was called before it was called bluelight?
 
Bojangles69, From what I understand, a Greenlighter is basically the prison bitch to the Bluelighter in terms of 'rank'. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that is due to the fact that the Greenlighter is the 'newcomer'. More information can be found regarding specifics, but I'm feeling marginally ill and too fucking indolent to look around/post links, ect. Hope that helped a bit :)
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top