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Supporting relapsing addict

G_Chem said:
I think this important to remember too. As much as you may feel you trust them. If your partner is an IV user, please be diligent in keeping yourself safe. Often times addicts will trickle truth. A one time relapse could’ve been a few months for all you know. Not every addict is a liar, but many are, it’s sad but true.

At the very least get regular STI checkups, please.

-GC
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Very true, i told my guy i was just popping more pills but was banging them. Clean supplies but still, almost to embarrassed/scared to tell the actual truth
 
C18H13ClFN3 said:
My significant other just had an injection relapse after a long sober period .. one part of me wants to say “you are doing fine . A slip in a 24 months period is nothing , let’s move on !! Relapse is part of recovery , let’s stay positive .”
And part of me is sad , angry , very hurt and scared .
What’s the right thing here for a 100% drug free individual? I guess I don’t even understand what it’s like . 😰 I’m going through some personally rough things myself and feel “out of league “ .
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Don't make a big deal out of the slip-up. I've seen it time and time again that someone who still wants his drug is likely to just take that as an excuse - consciously or subconsciously - to use more. (That's myself included.) Your initial instinct is spot on - encourage him, tell him he's doing good, one slip doesn't equal disaster, get back on your bike and keep pedalling. You can let him know you disapprove without turning it into a lecture. Basically act like it's a one-off and you see it that way.
 
Jennn said:
Yes. I feel awful keeping it from him, never really lied technically but not honest. It's a bad feeling and why i'm trying not to IV again
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There is a difference between not telling someone, something that doesn't endanger their life and lying about not having a disease such as hepatitis, hiv, syphilis ect....
If what you are doing only endangers yourself and they haven't asked; And if you haven't lied to them specifically about what you are doing and don't engage in anything that puts them at risk or truly betrays them, then that is a personal matter: Unless you are married then it is their business and vice versa.
If you are sharing needles or stealing money, then you have crossed a big line. Otherwise, in your case, you have a legit, legal reason to have perscription pain killers. You may occasionally misuse them but that is very common.
Your best course of action is to only use when needed and not shoot the drugs. There is of course the temptation to misuse occasionally, but that is almost unavoidable, try to keep that to a minimum.
I do not know what MS is like and neither does he. Besides it is not your fault. Just like you don't know what I go through, but my physical pain is my own damn fault.
 
Compassionate responses are generally more productive than any shaming response to the slip. The current evidence based theory around slips/relapse is that it’s a normal part of the recovery process. Google “Stages of Recovery.”
Studies show that those who are working towards abstinence come around to it after numerous slips, however each subsequent attempt at it comes with greater insight and motivation.
For each slip, a person may contemplate “what was it that led to my slip?” Is it the temptation of being around certain people who use? Do I now know that for me, at this time, I should stay away from these individuals?

Remember, the person who is sitting down on the train, is not the same person that first came in through the front doors. That is, we gain experience and insight, and we’re always growing and learning from our experiences.
 
C18H13ClFN3 said:
I feel my heart will bleed out just watching the daily struggle
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Watching my SO go through this very same had a huge impact on my use/abuse. I love her so what's the point in seeing her suffer for my real or imagined "needs".
I was scripted many meds and opioids and benzos were part of my therapy for quite a while. I attribute her influence (among other factors) in my recovery and know it drains her and stresses her out. I do not want to see her go through all that so the only option I saw was to start on this journey one step at a time.
Gets easier as we exercise our right to choose not to use this time, ya know? Getting pretty good at it actually. Exercising self control and being mindful of what our actions have on others is definitely a "thing" for me.
I feel it will all work out in your situation but feel the pain and frustration over this as I have seen it often over the decades and it's not pretty.
Take care of yourself first and know that you can always come back with questions and comments related to this - or other subject matter - at any time, yeah?
<3
J
 
C18H13ClFN3 said:
My significant other just had an injection relapse after a long sober period .. one part of me wants to say “you are doing fine . A slip in a 24 months period is nothing , let’s move on !! Relapse is part of recovery , let’s stay positive .”
And part of me is sad , angry , very hurt and scared .
What’s the right thing here for a 100% drug free individual? I guess I don’t even understand what it’s like . 😰 I’m going through some personally rough things myself and feel “out of league “ .
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so she's been sober for two years then just decides to pick up and get a syringe etc? Sounds a bit strange to me, not implying anything but personally I would be paranoid as shit.
 
I would suggest to be as supportive as you can be while maintaining your sobriety...maybe see a D+A counsellor with her or something. Sucks to hear :(
 
Opi_Kid_Rock said:
Compassionate responses are generally more productive than any shaming response to the slip. The current evidence based theory around slips/relapse is that it’s a normal part of the recovery process. Google “Stages of Recovery.”
Studies show that those who are working towards abstinence come around to it after numerous slips, however each subsequent attempt at it comes with greater insight and motivation.
For each slip, a person may contemplate “what was it that led to my slip?” Is it the temptation of being around certain people who use? Do I now know that for me, at this time, I should stay away from these individuals?

Remember, the person who is sitting down on the train, is not the same person that first came in through the front doors. That is, we gain experience and insight, and we’re always growing and learning from our experiences.
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This is why I have major beef with the 12-step model (well, just ONE reason out of a whole fucking smorgasbord).
Because within that model, any deviance from total and absolute sobriety is MASSIVELY shamed and blown up into a big issue. It's taken to such extremes that in fact one single instance of indulgence means all your progress up to that point counts for naught and you're regarded as being right back to square one. You go six months without drinking then have a couple beers? FAIL AND START OVER.
Also, those couple beers will be regarded as equally bad as a week-long bender because you 'touched alcohol' .
This unrealistic perfectionism just practically invites someone who had a drink or two to go on that week-long bender, because hey you failed to be PERFECT and you already fucked up your 'sober record' now, FUCK IT might as will go all-out as it's all the same.

That system has self-sabotage built right into it. And THEN they wonder about the dismal 3-5% retention rate in those programmes...
 
I was( can't physically drink) a drunk and I suppose (AA) it has helped some but there are many problems. Having a sip of beer will cost you decades of sobriety.
I did sincerly repent to God for my drunkenness and begged him for help. I am now allergic to alcohol and the thought of drinking makes me sick. Then again I only tolerated the taste but it had a strange very powerful euphoric effect on me; that euphoric effect at just a little and then drink till I blackout or pass out.
Back to a AA, I am a Christian( a lousy one) but the few AA meetings I went to had a cultish vibe about them. Also they try to make people co dependent on others. ( we ain't talking about a spouse or long time romantic partner) better half and strong relationship where you depend on one another is different.
This whole sponsor thing is like a weird un romantic, forced co dependency.
I have a copy of the two main books, never read them. Besides when I went to a meeting all I wanted to do is leave and drink more than I usually wanted too.
Many issues with AA (hey if helped some people, great). But all there issues can rolled into one big one. The weird cult like vibe.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
This is why I have major beef with the 12-step model (well, just ONE reason out of a whole fucking smorgasbord).
Because within that model, any deviance from total and absolute sobriety is MASSIVELY shamed and blown up into a big issue. It's taken to such extremes that in fact one single instance of indulgence means all your progress up to that point counts for naught and you're regarded as being right back to square one. You go six months without drinking then have a couple beers? FAIL AND START OVER.
Also, those couple beers will be regarded as equally bad as a week-long bender because you 'touched alcohol' .
This unrealistic perfectionism just practically invites someone who had a drink or two to go on that week-long bender, because hey you failed to be PERFECT and you already fucked up your 'sober record' now, FUCK IT might as will go all-out as it's all the same.

That system has self-sabotage built right into it. And THEN they wonder about the dismal 3-5% retention rate in those programmes...
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Recall that the cofounder Bill Wilson got kicked out from his very own AA due to wanting to consider how LSD could potentially help treat alcoholism. Bill thus became politically unacceptable to the core group at the time.
 
Support is good as long as you have something to work towards. You may not make it to all of the different levels and aspects and multi directional choices but you can head

up to those pathways. Something positive that will be the anchor to your strength. You don't have to believe in everything that is offered however, it can be offered, and you do

have a choice as

opposed . . . to okay just quit then. And be miserable and focus on only that. And don't do it anymore.



This way you have a choice to do something. Something positive that keeps you busy and active in a good way. Keeps the brain waves active, and interested and challenged,

instead of inactive and just sitting there doing nothing at all. Try things sometimes that can't really hurt but can be very helpful if applied as a perspective to focus on.


So it is a positive choice to move forward towards and instead of just doing nothing you have something else to focus on instead.

They can help as a group to focus on this together and learn what can work the best. Not trying to start conflicts or disputes. But to veer away from that direction all together

by trying to have less stress and more calmness.

It just means finding a support system for me and is what it can be all about !

🌻
 
Opi_Kid_Rock said:
Recall that the cofounder Bill Wilson got kicked out from his very own AA due to wanting to consider how LSD could potentially help treat alcoholism. Bill thus became politically unacceptable to the core group at the time.
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Are you serious,I am not doubting you, they do seem very rigid to the point of a stick up their ass.
 
Well, in all honesty, one relapse in 18 months? That’s very very good progress!

Excellent actually.

Remember, they aren’t using because they love it more or even necessarily because they even necessarily want to use.

Addiction to drugs is tricky for a lot of reasons but also because depending on the drug it really blinds you and it really feels like I’m being possessed when I was addicted to hard drugs. Did some things against my moral compass even.

I could see it being an issue if they weren’t working on taking care of themselves but one relapse in 18 months sounds to me like they are doing an excellent job.
 
C18H13ClFN3 said:
My significant other just had an injection relapse after a long sober period .. one part of me wants to say “you are doing fine . A slip in a 24 months period is nothing , let’s move on !! Relapse is part of recovery , let’s stay positive .”
And part of me is sad , angry , very hurt and scared .
What’s the right thing here for a 100% drug free individual? I guess I don’t even understand what it’s like . 😰 I’m going through some personally rough things myself and feel “out of league “ .
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It was common at the last rehab i was at to hear of people relapsing after 10+ years clean. Very unfortunate when it happens but I think it´s important to be supportive and understanding because being too condemning can cause the relapse to get worse. Obviously it needs to be addressed but just try to put yourself in their shoes beforehand.
 
washingtonbound said:
It was common at the last rehab i was at to hear of people relapsing after 10+ years clean. Very unfortunate when it happens but I think it´s important to be supportive and understanding because being too condemning can cause the relapse to get worse. Obviously it needs to be addressed but just try to put yourself in their shoes beforehand.
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I actually agree but at the same time, " Never trust a junkie"
 
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