• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

Super Nova

yakksoho

yakksoho

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 6, 2001
Messages
274
Location
Toronto, Ontario
The romance took up seven spaces
18 night long stars displaced
for kisses installed nightly
___(slightly)
inside of memories in space; but heed unto
___Those Kings
Whose thrones
___let silver rot
& whose busts shone
___(with gold -- the sun let go and)
___as the night unfolds
___whose kisses laid (in sad soft places)
___let eyelids draw
___down mirror worlds?
Did the universe reflect
one moment did each parsec
___kiss___----___undress
but as six bodies realigned --
___celestially -- the sky caressed
18 long spaces uncompressed.

___said then: I held one's hand and
___had he known I'd let go though
The crimson lives we led The
cyan lines he laid on me
have left a circle
___(uninscribed)
I let my hair down on my wedding
day the band elapsed and kissed each
Star Face - Super Nova
As the night-time's kiss
________declined.
 
Your work lately is so carefully constructed, you have really gotten more intricate these days! Leaves me smiling in awe, and like Plazma, not much else to say =D
 
amazing piece i agree with the two smart ones above lol,,

seriously though,,, i think this is one of your best,, definately put the imagery in my head and makes me think of colorful thoughts,,,great stuff
 
Its really good, except the two rhyming words next to each other and one in parenthesis I feel ripped off rareforms Faded (Jaded)
 
Are you referring to "nightly (slightly)"? Of course I know who rareform is but I haven't read the piece you're talking about..can you post a link?
 
I like the colourful thoughts comment, cherub! This poem is about missing somebody, I think the colours in my head are like tears turning into stars
 
Its a good poem, but I jsut dont see the point of putting some words in parenthesis, It does emphasize it subversiveness to the line before, but in my eyes it was rareforms idea.

Im too lazy to find the link but the poem I think is called Tears Faded (Jaded) Beneath The Sun
 
Um I don't think the idea of parenthesis is trademarked. Check out some Cummings. Or this. ;)

Parenthesis or the lack of doesn't detract from the fact that this is good stuff!
 
I love the fact that there is a blend of 'classical' and 'contemporary' verse here... in the sound, the tone, the structure, the rhyming, and especially the word choice (from 'heed' to 'parsec', from 'crimson' to 'Super Nova'). And yet nothing jars in this poem (not to me anyway); it has a fluidity of expression, a litheness that I like very much.

And yes, Cummings brought experimentation with parentheses (and other punctuation / typographical characters) to the fore... and he's certainly not the only one to use this technique; many poets of a 'language'/'postmodern' persuasion have employed it too. And I could post a couple of my own poems that use parentheses for certain effects.

I like the use of parentheses in this poem - it's minimal and effective. Whereas in vurt's linked poem, as he acknowledges, it's more liberal and experimental - but no less effective in my book. Parentheses can be used to stratify thought, to add a level of subtlety to the flow of expression... they can be used to interrupt/problematise, or to 'encapsulate' (capsules of thought, or (dreams within (dreams), or the (rhizomic) spread of discourse)))

(better stop this now before I become too wanky) ;)
 
You put it perfectly, Wordy -- parentheses stratify thought. When I use them it is either for this reason, or for contrast of the sounds of words, kind of like wordplay, which is how I was using them with ".. nightly (slightly)" (which is also obviously a stratification of thought, an addendum if you will).

I am not familiar with the work of cummings (few vers libre poets, or 20th century ones for that matter, have captured my attention yet; I tend towards more classical tastes). But as has been pointed out sometimes the use of parentheses is gratuitious for artistic reasons, but also I disagree that in my poem they were not necessary, they were for a specific reason..

The romance took up seven spaces
18 night long stars displaced
for kisses installed nightly
___(slightly)
inside of memories in space;
Click to expand...
I think things must always have a reason, though sometimes undetectable even to the artist. In this poem's instance, there are two adjectives describing the kisses. The narrator of the poem recieves kisses every night; this would usually imply that the two people are lovers, but in truth the narrator is in love but the object of their affection is distant, and the kisses are surreptitious and strained because there is a tenuousness in their relationship. This is why the poem exists, to explain the element of missing somebody.

& whose busts shone
___(with gold -- the sun let go and)
___as the night unfolds
___whose kisses laid (in sad soft places)
___let eyelids draw
___down mirror worlds?
Click to expand...
The first set of parentheses is similar to the reason I indented this part; its a comment, and the sun is representing the lover in this case, or rather the force of nature that compels the narrator to be in love, and the gold is a contrast to the vision of the "kings", but is not directly related to the rest of the stanza.

The parentheses around "in sad soft places" are there specifically because this is a direct reference to Ezra Pound's Night Litany:

Yea the lines hast thou laid unto me
___in pleasant places
And the beauty of this thy Venice
___hast thou shewn unto me
Until is its lovliness become unto me
___a thing of tears.
Click to expand...
The presage of this passage holds strong meaning to me and I relate it to the emotions I feel when creating poems like 'Super Nova'. Also is any of my poems complete without some tracable homage to Pound? (;^__^)

To me parentheses have prodigious usage, and they can be overused "artistically", but also can be employed as such, as illustrated in vurt's incredible piece which he linked to. This was outstanding work, it blew me away every time I read it (and I read it many times!).

Thank you all for the criticism (and the compliments of course) it is quite wonderful. <3
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top