MissFormaldehyde
Bluelighter
So, I am MissFormaldehyde or you may call me M...as it happens to also be the first letter of my IRL persona. I'm 22...and I'm sorry if I sometimes confuse the fuck out of you with things I post. I come from a neighborhood with a really distinct vocab and sometimes forget not everybody else is.
A little about my life:
I'm currently between jobs and going back to school to continue to pursue English/Writing. I also see myself running an in-home daycare one day.
I'm a generally happy person,though, I definitely have my moments between anxiety and depression. I'm unmedicated for both just because of putting off ever talking to somebody about it. Part of me thinks maybe it's nothing ; the other is afraid of being 302'd. -_- It doesn't always help that I've always been a bit different and an outsider the bulk of my life. It takes a certain brand of person to like me, but, atleast I've found some of those individuals. In addition to the obvious that I've mentioned, I also love cooking, thrifting, urban exploration ,gaming,cartoons, comic books, photography, raving, yoga, meditation, the occult, the Goth subculture, and psychedelia.
I've never been addicted to anything, but, may or may not be a problem drinker depending on who's asking. My fiance is actually a (recovering? recovered?) opiate addict who relapsed and and started IV'ing heroin in a form of passive suicide days before he went to rehab for 3 weeks without me even knowing he was using anything like that in the first place. It was definitely a combination of hard times and not having regular access to Suboxone which helped his cravings the entire time I've known him and beyond. He never even did them recreationally in a Blue Moon. He's currently in IOP that ends in October, is on MMT, and is doing well.
Back to me, my interest in drugs goes back to 7th grade. I was just naturally drawn to the concept of being high, altering human consciousness, and loved exploring on the internet; especially Erowid. I started drinking and smoking weed occasionally. I tried wet a couple times around 13/14, but, it's one of those drugs in my area that you have to jump through hoops in Sketchville to get so I only smoke it now when it's around if I even feel like it. That being said I never saw it again until 18 and then a couple times in my 20's. I haven't since like March or April. When I was 16, I started doing nitrous and and ecstasy. Those were fun, but, having strict parents and low funds since I didn't get a job until I was almost 18, it was an occasional treat.
Flash forward towards my adult years to around 17-19; this is when I first had psychedelics. Shrooms. LSD (some of which may or may not have been 25i; not complaining just heard from word of mouth). Peyote. DMT. Salvia. Already being drawn to EDM/rave culture and finding myself in Goth clubs before, I dove right into Philly's scene when I no longer had to answer to anybody but myself. I rediscovered bombs and balloons, but, there was also other cats to be found: Sass, Molly, K. I even was able to try lean which I still like to get my hands on sometimes. I stepped back a lot from this all after my I met my fiance as I was starting to make raves (and the drugs in it) my life due to not finding love when I wanted to time & time again or a new job after being laid off months. He also held mixed opinions about it, but, a lot of it was a fake, inflated persona he put on to impress me that bordered into the lines of a mental illness. I still go to events, but, have found contentment in my life beyond.
When I was 20, my fiance introduced my to coke. I was always afraid to do it, but, himself and friends seemed okay. We did it like every-every other weekend the first 5 months of our relationship. I don't even see how people get addicted to it. Like, it makes you feel like like God for a good while but when I've gone on binges (especially week-long ones), I'm tired and am just like,"That was fun." We also experimented with Adderall together a few times in that span. He really hasn't been doing anything because he doesn't want to get kicked out of his program, but, prior to that we did either 1-2 times a month. Even rock, which, we did on a whim last year.
I've done benzos and prescription opiates a few times from 19-21, but, cannot find the appeal. I got high, but:
The only ones I found tolerable was Vicodin and Perc 5's/10's,but,the Tylenol aspect isn't really that worth it. I don't even take OTC painkillers other than when I am actually sick.
It just wasn't really my thing. I could never see myself being able to snort dope. I'm curious what opium may be like, but, have no idea where to even look.
Spice/K2 is also a waste of time. I've encountered it with friends/acquaintances on probation or with drug-testing gigs. After hearing about the girl who had a multiple strokes, that was definitely that. Long story short...I'm obviously open to trying things and have done my share, but, only a handful I actually seek out. I typically do amphetamines & dissociatives 1-2 times a month with the occasional bender that goes beyond that; sometimes every other month, roll and trip a few times a year, and drink & get blazed whenever I feel like it. Everything else is mostly in the moment/special occasion or a one-off. I want to keep it that way.
A little about my life:
I'm currently between jobs and going back to school to continue to pursue English/Writing. I also see myself running an in-home daycare one day.
I'm a generally happy person,though, I definitely have my moments between anxiety and depression. I'm unmedicated for both just because of putting off ever talking to somebody about it. Part of me thinks maybe it's nothing ; the other is afraid of being 302'd. -_- It doesn't always help that I've always been a bit different and an outsider the bulk of my life. It takes a certain brand of person to like me, but, atleast I've found some of those individuals. In addition to the obvious that I've mentioned, I also love cooking, thrifting, urban exploration ,gaming,cartoons, comic books, photography, raving, yoga, meditation, the occult, the Goth subculture, and psychedelia.
I've never been addicted to anything, but, may or may not be a problem drinker depending on who's asking. My fiance is actually a (recovering? recovered?) opiate addict who relapsed and and started IV'ing heroin in a form of passive suicide days before he went to rehab for 3 weeks without me even knowing he was using anything like that in the first place. It was definitely a combination of hard times and not having regular access to Suboxone which helped his cravings the entire time I've known him and beyond. He never even did them recreationally in a Blue Moon. He's currently in IOP that ends in October, is on MMT, and is doing well.
Back to me, my interest in drugs goes back to 7th grade. I was just naturally drawn to the concept of being high, altering human consciousness, and loved exploring on the internet; especially Erowid. I started drinking and smoking weed occasionally. I tried wet a couple times around 13/14, but, it's one of those drugs in my area that you have to jump through hoops in Sketchville to get so I only smoke it now when it's around if I even feel like it. That being said I never saw it again until 18 and then a couple times in my 20's. I haven't since like March or April. When I was 16, I started doing nitrous and and ecstasy. Those were fun, but, having strict parents and low funds since I didn't get a job until I was almost 18, it was an occasional treat.
Flash forward towards my adult years to around 17-19; this is when I first had psychedelics. Shrooms. LSD (some of which may or may not have been 25i; not complaining just heard from word of mouth). Peyote. DMT. Salvia. Already being drawn to EDM/rave culture and finding myself in Goth clubs before, I dove right into Philly's scene when I no longer had to answer to anybody but myself. I rediscovered bombs and balloons, but, there was also other cats to be found: Sass, Molly, K. I even was able to try lean which I still like to get my hands on sometimes. I stepped back a lot from this all after my I met my fiance as I was starting to make raves (and the drugs in it) my life due to not finding love when I wanted to time & time again or a new job after being laid off months. He also held mixed opinions about it, but, a lot of it was a fake, inflated persona he put on to impress me that bordered into the lines of a mental illness. I still go to events, but, have found contentment in my life beyond.
When I was 20, my fiance introduced my to coke. I was always afraid to do it, but, himself and friends seemed okay. We did it like every-every other weekend the first 5 months of our relationship. I don't even see how people get addicted to it. Like, it makes you feel like like God for a good while but when I've gone on binges (especially week-long ones), I'm tired and am just like,"That was fun." We also experimented with Adderall together a few times in that span. He really hasn't been doing anything because he doesn't want to get kicked out of his program, but, prior to that we did either 1-2 times a month. Even rock, which, we did on a whim last year.
I've done benzos and prescription opiates a few times from 19-21, but, cannot find the appeal. I got high, but:
- forgot things
- got nauseous or actually sick
- was drowsy and slurring
- had blurry vision and headaches
The only ones I found tolerable was Vicodin and Perc 5's/10's,but,the Tylenol aspect isn't really that worth it. I don't even take OTC painkillers other than when I am actually sick.
It just wasn't really my thing. I could never see myself being able to snort dope. I'm curious what opium may be like, but, have no idea where to even look.
Spice/K2 is also a waste of time. I've encountered it with friends/acquaintances on probation or with drug-testing gigs. After hearing about the girl who had a multiple strokes, that was definitely that. Long story short...I'm obviously open to trying things and have done my share, but, only a handful I actually seek out. I typically do amphetamines & dissociatives 1-2 times a month with the occasional bender that goes beyond that; sometimes every other month, roll and trip a few times a year, and drink & get blazed whenever I feel like it. Everything else is mostly in the moment/special occasion or a one-off. I want to keep it that way.
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(She left me 5 years ago because of it)
Im so glad you dont like the opiates or dope, too many lose their heart and soul going down that path. Glad to see you use so responsibly too when you do use. Many of us dont have that self control, good on you girl. I can relate to being an outsider a bit I am not a very social being without booze or benzos but I also realize Im personally better off without them. 
