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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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severely etarded said:
I'm glad you feel a little better too. This site has already lost WAYY too many good members, definately would hate to see it lose ANY more. Good luck on that ticket. Remember though, no matter what, there's another drawing in a few more days, and it's not hard at all to get another dollar in a few more days for the next drawing. I expect to lose, and play next week, Life goes on, it's just not worth ending if there's still a glimmer of hope it could get better. Could it get much worse? :\
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i spent the money on a beer and stole two =(
 
im ready to repent, for every dig cause im ready to die, just like big, Im so depressed, my life is stressed pass the gun and il take the test. Im off the kit but im sick of it, everyone judges and they dont know shit! I rhyme so freely to let it out, cause deep inside im screamin out i took the rope and tied it up, didnt have the balls so i just gave up. How would you feel when your crying out?
Got a heavy habit that you cant live without And your mums never there and your dads never cared Alone in this world, but admit your scared ask for help but by yourself all this is not good for your health, Tryin to live on basic wealth. Old rab mac, and ronnie sal, fuck it doc just pass a val. try to get me off this low, convince me to have another go, at life, but i give up, give me a big hit of dirty muck, im going under, ive treble dosed, fuck this life, adios. (fades away)
 
My Lyrics to a short verse i wrote. I can't kick this feeling of suicide. Everyone turned on me after heroin. I've lost all my mate's and im only a kid. I will never have the "respect" i had. The place i stay is such a small city that everyone knows everyone and is impossible to start over.

I really don't know why im typing here, i guess a cry out for help. I've used 2 days in a row minus today when i had 4 DFS. Im fucked and back to square one, i owe money for hash that i have in hash. Just cant sell any, to pay. It's late. I could go get 100 quids wrth of heroin and do it. But i cant get anything right now. The quality is that shit i doubt id even go under. Im scared to die, i dont want to die. Its my only option. All i ask for a fresh start these past few months and all i get is kicked in the fucking teeth. I cant bare the thoughts in my head any longer. I want to numb myself.
 
HighlandSwedger said:
My Lyrics to a short verse i wrote. I can't kick this feeling of suicide. Everyone turned on me after heroin. I've lost all my mate's and im only a kid. I will never have the "respect" i had. The place i stay is such a small city that everyone knows everyone and is impossible to start over.

I really don't know why im typing here, i guess a cry out for help. I've used 2 days in a row minus today when i had 4 DFS. Im fucked and back to square one, i owe money for hash that i have in hash. Just cant sell any, to pay. It's late. I could go get 100 quids wrth of heroin and do it. But i cant get anything right now. The quality is that shit i doubt id even go under. Im scared to die, i dont want to die. Its my only option. All i ask for a fresh start these past few months and all i get is kicked in the fucking teeth. I cant bare the thoughts in my head any longer. I want to numb myself.
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Sounds like you're just in a bad state of mind. It will pass. Try to focus on survival, even if it's painful it will be worth it. Death is just too fucking permanent. I've been there, trust me. I have this 5 story building nearby where I can access the roof, and I go up there sometimes and look down, and think to myself "well, this is it. this is how it all ends...". Ya I got a thing that says "Moderator" under my name on here. woopity fucking doo. I got problems IRL I am too embarrassed and ashamed to even talk about on here, but I keep buying lottery tickets & hoping for a miracle of biblical proportion. I just drink another beer, pop another pill, smoke another joint, and hope & pray to my agnostic god things will get better. I know EXACTLY what you mean, there is RARELY a day when I don't seriously think I should just go end it all. I'm still here though.

You don't want to kill yourself though, trust me. Like I told Dragonfyr, you could literally be killed or die somehow, tomorrow, or even just a few minutes from now. Shit happens in life, and once you die there's no turning back. There's no need to kill yourself, life is short enough as it is. You might as well enjoy it while you still have it. Because before you know it, it will be gone, whether you like it or not. You might as well just let death come for you, because trust me, it's on it's way for all of us :\ No reason to bring it sooner.

And at the end of the day, as shitty and hopeless as it sounds, you know what keeps me going? Lottery fucking tickets. The fact there is a 1/25,000,000 chance I could win enough money to buy me a better life. It only costs a dollar to play each drawing, and when I have a dollar, I have a dream :\ Fuck it, just float on, eventually the drug use will catch up with all of us, and death will come. NOBODY lives forever. I do recommend getting help if you can also. Drug withdrawls usually inspire my irrational suicidal thoughts much more than normal.
 
severely etarded said:
Sounds like you're just in a bad state of mind. It will pass. Try to focus on survival, even if it's painful it will be worth it. Death is just too fucking permanent. I've been there, trust me. I have this 5 story building nearby where I can access the roof, and I go up there sometimes and look down, and think to myself "well, this is it. this is how it all ends...". Ya I got a thing that says "Moderator" under my name on here. woopity fucking doo. I got problems IRL I am too embarrassed and ashamed to even talk about on here, but I keep buying lottery tickets & hoping for a miracle of biblical proportion. I just drink another beer, pop another pill, smoke another joint, and hope & pray to my agnostic god things will get better. I know EXACTLY what you mean, there is RARELY a day when I don't seriously think I should just go end it all. I'm still here though.

OverDone said:
hey Highland, i can relate to those feelings of hopelessness and the seemingly impossible task of getting back to how it was. Man, those feelings are just feelings and they do pass.

sometimes when I'm feeling like taking myself out I fuckin' cry because I just KNOW that it would be a waste, that I DO have something to offer so it feels like being stuck in this awkward middle-ground of wanting to die but not wanting to die.

I've come to realize that I never really wanted to die at all. I just wanted the pain to go away.

I dunno, I'm writing this because for some reason I see some similarities in you that pertain to me.

All I know is that these feelings ABSOLUTELY pass and its NEVER too late for a fresh start, man. It does take a lot of effort to get back to square but before you know it you have actually EXCEEDED your original hopes

taking yourself out is NOT your only option. Its the worst option. Dude, shoot me a PM if you feel like talking, venting, screaming, anything.
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Thanks man, i slept it off. Although im feeling kind of ruff today its alot brighter outside. I know that sounds crazy but i swear when things in my life look up, the sun comes out. Like everyday i used to wake up from a detox it would be sunny and id feel fresh. Well today is no diffrent..I just gotta pick myself up and move on and deal with my problems one by one, cause no one ever gave me a manual. So one can expect to mess a few things up and be anxious about even taking baby steps ?

You don't want to kill yourself though, trust me. Like I told Dragonfyr, you could literally be killed or die somehow, tomorrow, or even just a few minutes from now. Shit happens in life, and once you die there's no turning back. There's no need to kill yourself, life is short enough as it is. You might as well enjoy it while you still have it. Because before you know it, it will be gone, whether you like it or not. You might as well just let death come for you, because trust me, it's on it's way for all of us :\ No reason to bring it sooner.

And at the end of the day, as shitty and hopeless as it sounds, you know what keeps me going? Lottery fucking tickets. The fact there is a 1/25,000,000 chance I could win enough money to buy me a better life. It only costs a dollar to play each drawing, and when I have a dollar, I have a dream :\ Fuck it, just float on, eventually the drug use will catch up with all of us, and death will come. NOBODY lives forever. I do recommend getting help if you can also. Drug withdrawls usually inspire my irrational suicidal thoughts much more than normal.

And the guy above, thanks alot. I know what you mean, i put on football coup's. Slightly better chance of winning, more money to be lost. But it keeps me clean. (Broke but not always a good thing). P

Too all that replied, on top of it being a better day and mind set, i got my last henry sold. Even better.
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HighlandSwedger said:
severely etarded said:
Sounds like you're just in a bad state of mind. It will pass. Try to focus on survival, even if it's painful it will be worth it. Death is just too fucking permanent. I've been there, trust me. I have this 5 story building nearby where I can access the roof, and I go up there sometimes and look down, and think to myself "well, this is it. this is how it all ends...". Ya I got a thing that says "Moderator" under my name on here. woopity fucking doo. I got problems IRL I am too embarrassed and ashamed to even talk about on here, but I keep buying lottery tickets & hoping for a miracle of biblical proportion. I just drink another beer, pop another pill, smoke another joint, and hope & pray to my agnostic god things will get better. I know EXACTLY what you mean, there is RARELY a day when I don't seriously think I should just go end it all. I'm still here though.
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Thanks man, i slept it off. Although im feeling kind of ruff today its alot brighter outside. I know that sounds crazy but i swear when things in my life look up, the sun comes out. Like everyday i used to wake up from a detox it would be sunny and id feel fresh. Well today is no diffrent..I just gotta pick myself up and move on and deal with my problems one by one, cause no one ever gave me a manual. So one can expect to mess a few things up and be anxious about even taking baby steps ?
You don't want to kill yourself though, trust me. Like I told Dragonfyr, you could literally be killed or die somehow, tomorrow, or even just a few minutes from now. Shit happens in life, and once you die there's no turning back. There's no need to kill yourself, life is short enough as it is. You might as well enjoy it while you still have it. Because before you know it, it will be gone, whether you like it or not. You might as well just let death come for you, because trust me, it's on it's way for all of us :\ No reason to bring it sooner.

And at the end of the day, as shitty and hopeless as it sounds, you know what keeps me going? Lottery fucking tickets. The fact there is a 1/25,000,000 chance I could win enough money to buy me a better life. It only costs a dollar to play each drawing, and when I have a dollar, I have a dream :\ Fuck it, just float on, eventually the drug use will catch up with all of us, and death will come. NOBODY lives forever. I do recommend getting help if you can also. Drug withdrawls usually inspire my irrational suicidal thoughts much more than normal.
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And the guy above, thanks alot. I know what you mean, i put on football coup's. Slightly better chance of winning, more money to be lost. But it keeps me clean. (Broke but not always a good thing). P

Too all that replied, on top of it being a better day and mind set, i got my last henry sold. Even better.
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i can hardly handle this.

im fighting and living on hope and for my family,,, they have no hope anymore, and are only becoming estranged.

i miss my youth, i miss how my family could of been, if i wasnt allways so selfish and careless, and if this profound sickness never came from wherever it comes..
 
Ah man ive felt like shit too lately. It's like im fucking trapped and i don't see a way out in the near future. I can't fucking go anywhere, got no friends around where i live, i have a family here that has nothing to do with each other and things are getting worse and im poor as a church mouse.

Today was the most depressed, frustrated and just utterly hopeless ive felt in a long time. The shotgun looked pretty good this afternoon to be honest and i havent felt that way in awile.

Just try and hang in there PIP.
 
I'm suffering from some kind of horrible disease that is rotting my muscles inside me, causing me incredible pain, and giving me seizures. Or maybe not? The symptoms keep changing, the doctors can never pin anything down. I'm doing THEIR JOBS, telling them what diseases it matches, and they send me off for tests and have me wait a MONTH to tell me I was RIGHT. America infuriates me sometimes.

The only reason i'm hanging on is because my friends happiness is more important to me than my life will ever be. I can't stand living, but I could never rest if I thought I would make a single one of them sad. I want to die, but I cant. I need to scream this to them, to people, but they'll freak out, so I have to keep it inside. I want the pain to end. :(
 
^^ How long has this been going on for?? Please don't give up hope yet, I'm sure you will eventually get a proper diagnosis <3

paranoid android said:
The shotgun looked pretty good this afternoon to be honest and i havent felt that way in awile.
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It would be such a goddam shame if you cut your life short like that PA, because as ocean said you've got a LOT more life to live yet. Can you maybe lock your shotgun away while you're feeling depressed?? Or can you trust yourself to not to allow the shotgun to be an option when you're depressed?

panic in paradise said:
my family,,, they have no hope anymore,
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I know in your darkest moments you think that they've lost hope, but they haven't. Your strength through this whole ordeal has inspired many many people here in TDS and of course you'll have moments of weakness, we can't be strong ALL the time. But I know you'll see better days yet. Hang in there man.
 
n3ophy7e said:
^^ How long has this been going on for?? Please don't give up hope yet, I'm sure you will eventually get a proper diagnosis <3
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Seven years. It's amped up recently to the point where I cannot function. I was given painkillers, and at the high doses, life was blissful again. I loved everyone, just like I used to. Smiled all the time, absorbed the world like a sponge and was a decent human being. But in this pain i'm not. I could seek out heavy opiates, and I have them available, but if I use them, i'll lose my friends. So then i'll only be alive as long as the needle stays sharp. I want to go back to loving everyone. :(
 
RollinOnACoaster said:
Seven years. It's amped up recently to the point where I cannot function. I was given painkillers, and at the high doses, life was blissful again. I loved everyone, just like I used to. Smiled all the time, absorbed the world like a sponge and was a decent human being. But in this pain i'm not. I could seek out heavy opiates, and I have them available, but if I use them, i'll lose my friends. So then i'll only be alive as long as the needle stays sharp. I want to go back to loving everyone. :(
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Is life not on opiates impossible due to your pain at this time?
 
n3ophy7e said:
It would be such a goddam shame if you cut your life short like that PA, because as ocean said you've got a LOT more life to live yet. Can you maybe lock your shotgun away while you're feeling depressed?? Or can you trust yourself to not to allow the shotgun to be an option when you're depressed?
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It's not my shotgun it's my dads. We actually have 2 shotguns even though neither of us goes hunting :\ . So i can't lock them away and my dad thinks im nuts as it is. Ya he's actually said that and says i just need more fresh air and that i take too many medications. Yeah right dad fresh air and no bipolar, anxiety or pain meds will do me wonders im sure 8) . Why is it that the biggest morons think they know everything?

Im feeling a good bit better now and im not feeling suicidal anymore thank god. Im just bummed out about alot of stuff. 2 main things that keep me from killing myself are the hope of a better life and what it would do to the people that care about me. I know how horrrible is is when someone close to you commits suicide and i really don't want to put the people i love through that.
 
I am so happy to read you are not suicidal anymore, PA. You are awesome. The world needs you. Such a bright mind can make anything happen. Remember that.
 
this is what they tell me.eand that y tell me.
they just want to move across the county...
but, i cant do much for myself, and thats only going to progress...
i think they are going to be very disturbed and stunned when i say, that i really cant handle day to day tasks physically, or the larger goals I HAVE wi, and i have to go with them.h out them.
i cannot be homeless, or retain sanity coping with pain in a homeless shelter.

again, a parasite.
an incredibly expensive parasite, im sure i cost around $200,000 annual in medical expenses, then theres everything else, i need.

they have lost hope, any thg i say is taken as dreamy semantics at t, or a minion little thought.is point.
 
You are not a parasite, PiP. Do not call yourself that. You are a damn good man who needs help. Everyone needs help.
 
i dont call myself that.

i have been refereed to as that in different points of my active addiction, and now this.

there are inevitable consequences here, and aint none of them anything good.
only a handful are situations where decisions shape the outcome.
the situation(s) where there is no control over are far beyond me, and theres only so much i or anyone can do - i can accept that.

im willing to face this for the rest of my life, but no way no how with out them- i can not accept that.
saying this should speak volumes, it does to me.
 
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