Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

[Captain.Heroin]

because I don't trust anyone on bluelight

i don't even trust the people I know irl

That's OK you don't trust anyone you know in real life, the number of people I trust in real life is probably less than 10.

There's a lot of people at Bluelight that I know for a fact you can trust. Even if you're not sure about it, just try talking to someone. No one at Bluelight has any reason to betray you because no one at Bluelight knows who you really are IRL (unless you know Bluelighters in real life, and then just don't choose them to talk to).

 

[Dragynfyr]

I don't know


I spent last night feeding a fire to stay alive in 32 degree weather.... it was a good thing


I don't know what to do

someone said they wanted to hang out, think they were just bullshitting me though


Thanks to those with kind words. I know they are empty, but still, thank you...

I just don't know what to do. I can only hope there are better things in the future and I shouldn't have just pulled it off a decade ago

 

[Nibblez]

I don't know


I spent last night feeding a fire to stay alive in 32 degree weather.... it was a good thing


I don't know what to do

someone said they wanted to hang out, think they were just bullshitting me though


Thanks to those with kind words. I know they are empty, but still, thank you...

I just don't know what to do. I can only hope there are better things in the future and I shouldn't have just pulled it off a decade ago

Sometimes, people in real life will tell you things that they don't mean, but that's usually because they have something to gain from doing so. I've had plenty of so-called "friends" who kissed my ass all the time and said nice things because I smoked them up and was generous with my booze. They all left when I cut them off. The difference with this online forum is that no one knows who you are, and none of us stand to gain anything from deceiving you. We are here devoting our own time that could be spent doing something else because we truly care about you and want you to get better. We think you're worth it. So it's pretty likely that we do mean what we say and that our words are not empty.

Life is precious - cherish it always. You'll never know how good it gets if you stop before it runs its course.

Take care of yourself,

Nibblez

P.S. - who gives a shit if they were bullshitting you or not? You are the one that matters - you are the priority. As long as you enjoy yourself, who gives a shit? Don't worry about what other people think or how others judge you, ultimately life is about taking care of #1, which in everyone's case is themselves!

Also, life has no reset button, but your financial status sure does! It's called bankruptcy, and while it sucks, it sure sucks a lot less than dying. Give it a try first, you might be surprised by how much it can change your life for the better. As for the cheating women, fuck em. If you allow their actions to affect you, they've won. You want to get back at them? Live your life, work hard and succeed. Turn your life around. In the end, their actions intended to fuck your life up will have done jack shit.

 

[Dragynfyr]

just woke up, didn't mean to fall asleep...christ..out of mixers.... straight vodka now. killed half the 1.75


life is precious to those that deserve it and those that can afford it

I'm going back to sleep. can always drink the time away.. till the money runs out again at least


I feel like I'm flirting with death with the benzos, taking more and more, hoping to just stop breathing already.

wish me luck to not get up =\


^And I already told a few people 'they won'

 

[Nibblez]

just woke up, didn't mean to fall asleep...christ..out of mixers.... straight vodka now. killed half the 1.75


life is precious to those that deserve it and those that can afford it

I'm going back to sleep. can always drink the time away.. till the money runs out again at least


I feel like I'm flirting with death with the benzos, taking more and more, hoping to just stop breathing already.

wish me luck to not get up =\


^And I already told a few people 'they won'

"Deserve"? "Afford"? Cmon now, life is the only thing we're born with. We all deserve life because we were all given it as a gift when we were born. You absolutely deserve life! Please cherish your gift!

A permanent solution to a temporary problem is not the answer. I know you must be feeling alone and probably a sense of "eh, fuck it, this life is just not worth it." right now, but things change! Give life a chance, and it may surprise you with some nice things!

Wish you luck to get up,

Nibblez

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Thanks to those with kind words. I know they are empty, but still, thank you...

I just don't know what to do. I can only hope there are better things in the future and I shouldn't have just pulled it off a decade ago

I think if our words were empty we wouldn't spend the time typing them to you.

just woke up, didn't mean to fall asleep...christ..out of mixers.... straight vodka now. killed half the 1.75


life is precious to those that deserve it and those that can afford it

I'm going back to sleep. can always drink the time away.. till the money runs out again at least


I feel like I'm flirting with death with the benzos, taking more and more, hoping to just stop breathing already.

wish me luck to not get up =\


^And I already told a few people 'they won'

I would consider stopping drinking; it's only going to make you more depressed.

I can't imagine you enjoy feeling the way you do.

 

[Dragynfyr]

a hand on the bottle and a foot in the grave. I hadn't drank for over a week, was using benzos to get off the sauce. Got depressed and started combining. For the last 5 years I've had a girl friends family to share for thanksgiving. I 'broke up' in june, but it was over since April when she fucked my 'best friend'. She just didn't tell me till june. Still feel so dirty touching her after that.


Fucking holidays

It's just after noon. Who else is drunk already?

I have like 20 xan bars left on the outside.. and the last 99 pack I was saving to kill myself with.. tic tock =( I don't know what to do

oh wait, yes, I do, make another drink, this one is empty.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

a hand on the bottle and a foot in the grave. I hadn't drank for over a week, was using benzos to get off the sauce. Got depressed and started combining. For the last 5 years I've had a girl friends family to share for thanksgiving. I 'broke up' in june, but it was over since April when she fucked my 'best friend'. She just didn't tell me till june. Still feel so dirty touching her after that.

I am so sorry that happened to you; she has a lot of negative karma because of that, and that is not your fault. You are a really good person to have stayed committed, a lot of women would understand your story (as BF's are typically the one who cheat), a lot of women are interested in guys who want to stay committed to a monogamous relationship. That should be a good thing for you.

It's also great you're quitting drinking too, I guess I didn't understand your situation properly; sorry about that. I would just try your hardest to avoid combining benzos and alcohol; the combination is really intense, and if the doses of either one or both are too high, the comedown is very unpleasant, and amnesia can be a part of the experience.

Fucking holidays

It's just after noon. Who else is drunk already?

I have like 20 xan bars left on the outside.. and the last 99 pack I was saving to kill myself with.. tic tock =( I don't know what to do

oh wait, yes, I do, make another drink, this one is empty.

I really dislike drinking, to be honest. I like benzos for their medicinal value but I don't take them anymore to be honest.

Just try to lay down, focus on breathing slowly, and focusing away from stressful thoughts. Don't let people be stressful around you. Find some people who can understand what you are going through. If you have to, make completely new friends. You don't have to trust people, just get to know people, and go from there. A lot of people are inherently trustworthy in a 1 on 1 conversation sort of sense, as long as you are just talking to people what's going to go wrong? I think a lot of people would be sympathetic to your situation.

I also think that this is a great time for you in your life to make new friends. Sometimes making new friends will come at inconvenient times, points in your life where you may not even want friends, etc, but I think having at least a few people to talk to about how this is going for you (you don't have to share what you're not comfortable sharing) would be a good thing for you.

I guess if you want a "tl;dr" version, stay optimistic and hopeful about yoru situation and life. Always do what you can to make new friends, but also focus on your locus of control in life.

If you ever want to PM any of the moderators of The Dark Side, go for it. I can vouch that every single last one of them are kind, caring, considerate, compassionate, non-judgmental, and most of all rational. Emotions can overwhelm your ability to function optimally, or in your best interest in other words. Getting someone else's point of view/advice, who is a trustworthy and caring person, is always a great thing to do, especially when you're upset.

I also would not mind being PM'd, many people PM me every day and I reply to all PM's. I have been very busy recently, so it may take a while for me to answer PM's but I set aside time every day (typically right as I get on BL, or later in the day if I have been busy all day long) to answer private messages.

 

[theartofwar]

Very happy to say I have managed to get out of the mind state I was in, at least for now. I no longer wish to kill myself and I am incredibly grateful for the help I received here in this thread and from individual members. Thanks guys.

If you are thinking about it - please feel free to PM me, I have been up and down this road, be it rape, drug addiction, body issues - I honestly know the hurt n pain. Please do not take your life without talking - if not me someone else here will gladly help.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Very happy to say I have managed to get out of the mind state I was in, at least for now. I no longer wish to kill myself and I am incredibly grateful for the help I received here in this thread and from individual members. Thanks guys.

If you are thinking about it - please feel free to PM me, I have been up and down this road, be it rape, drug addiction, body issues - I honestly know the hurt n pain. Please do not take your life without talking - if not me someone else here will gladly help.

That's great news man! I am happy to hear that.

 

[Warped Reality]

Very happy to say I have managed to get out of the mind state I was in, at least for now. I no longer wish to kill myself and I am incredibly grateful for the help I received here in this thread and from individual members. Thanks guys.

If you are thinking about it - please feel free to PM me, I have been up and down this road, be it rape, drug addiction, body issues - I honestly know the hurt n pain. Please do not take your life without talking - if not me someone else here will gladly help.

Congratulations

I really do know how it feels to feel like you're the worst of the worst, like you deserve nothing but death. I've failed suicide twice, but I got help. It's easier than you all think. No matter where, when, or who you are, there is always somebody that has a heart & will help, so please don't take the wrong way out and believe in yourself.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Congratulations

I really do know how it feels to feel like you're the worst of the worst, like you deserve nothing but death. I've failed suicide twice, but I got help. It's easier than you all think. No matter where, when, or who you are, there is always somebody that has a heart & will help, so please don't take the wrong way out and believe in yourself.

I'm glad to hear you're still with us Warped Reality!

I noticed you haven't posted about this before, do you want to tell us more about your story?

 

[rangrz]

today, I was on seen (just cause my radio crackled and I was in the area so I headed to the call)
for a suicide of an 18 year old university student. He died of exsanguation and his note was "fake friends and break ups suck..bye guys"

It ruined my day and now I feel like shit....he could of called any number of help lines, called 911 , called a friend, or gone outside and just start talking to someone. Hell, he could of called the helpline that may of transferred to my cellphone. But no. *sigh*

ah well, I gotta clear my head and keep my distance mentally right?

 

[severely etarded]

just woke up, didn't mean to fall asleep...christ..out of mixers.... straight vodka now. killed half the 1.75


life is precious to those that deserve it and those that can afford it

I'm going back to sleep. can always drink the time away.. till the money runs out again at least


I feel like I'm flirting with death with the benzos, taking more and more, hoping to just stop breathing already.

wish me luck to not get up =\


^And I already told a few people 'they won'

a hand on the bottle and a foot in the grave. I hadn't drank for over a week, was using benzos to get off the sauce. Got depressed and started combining. For the last 5 years I've had a girl friends family to share for thanksgiving. I 'broke up' in june, but it was over since April when she fucked my 'best friend'. She just didn't tell me till june. Still feel so dirty touching her after that.


Fucking holidays

It's just after noon. Who else is drunk already?

I have like 20 xan bars left on the outside.. and the last 99 pack I was saving to kill myself with.. tic tock =( I don't know what to do

oh wait, yes, I do, make another drink, this one is empty.

It's really unlikely that the benzos will make you stop breathing. Opiates do that... But I noticed when I mix benzos with alcohol, I get increasingly more irrational. Suicide is a permanent solution to problems that will go away. You just got to be strong, and say fuck it. Don't let shit bother you, we are all in this shit hole together.

If I were you I would file for bankruptcy, and do whatever it takes to move on.

If it weren't for lottery tickets, I'd probably be dead by now. But all it takes is a dollar to dream, and if you don't win you can always get another. Who knows... I know it's a long shot, but maybe luck will take a turn for the better if you give it a chance. Yeah, I know, you probably think it's shitty advice, but man, to me and millions of others it's about the only thing to look forward to -- a 1/25,000,000 chance you may become a millionaire and everything will turn around. It's what keeps me goin TBH.. If nothing else... That, and the fact that staying alive allows me to continue escaping reality through drugs. Whether they're weed, benzos, psychadelics, or just alcohol, you can't get high if you're dead. Think about it.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

today, I was on seen (just cause my radio crackled and I was in the area so I headed to the call)
for a suicide of an 18 year old university student. He died of exsanguation and his note was "fake friends and break ups suck..bye guys"

It ruined my day and now I feel like shit....he could of called any number of help lines, called 911 , called a friend, or gone outside and just start talking to someone. Hell, he could of called the helpline that may of transferred to my cellphone. But no. *sigh*

ah well, I gotta clear my head and keep my distance mentally right?

I wouldn't let it ruin your day man. Some people are inevitably going to make these sorts of decisions in their lives.

 

[rangrz]

I know, but zipping a kid going to university into a black body bag amid the splish splash of blood around your boots isn't the most cheerful thing to do...and lordy knows I've seen my share of cadavers.

 

[severely etarded]

I know, but zipping a kid going to university into a black body bag amid the splish splash of blood around your boots isn't the most cheerful thing to do...and lordy knows I've seen my share of cadavers.

mad respect for you and other public servants who have to do that everyday. It's a hard job, but it has to be done otherwise the bodies would just stink and get maggets My goes out to you

 

[Dragynfyr]

If it weren't for lottery tickets, I'd probably be dead by now. But all it takes is a dollar to dream, and if you don't win you can always get another. Who knows... I know it's a long shot, but maybe luck will take a turn for the better if you give it a chance. Yeah, I know, you probably think it's shitty advice, but man, to me and millions of others it's about the only thing to look forward to -- a 1/25,000,000 chance you may become a millionaire and everything will turn around. It's what keeps me goin TBH.. If nothing else... That, and the fact that staying alive allows me to continue escaping reality through drugs. Whether they're weed, benzos, psychedelics, or just alcohol, you can't get high if you're dead. Think about it.

im still alive,feel a bit better. soon as i have a dollar in my pocket its goin for a powerball ticket. ill take this as a sign.



and sorry rangers...thats why i would do it where id never be found. thats horrible.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

im still alive,feel a bit better. soon as i have a dollar in my pocket its goin for a powerball ticket. ill take this as a sign.

I'm glad to hear you feel better!

 

[severely etarded]

im still alive,feel a bit better. soon as i have a dollar in my pocket its goin for a powerball ticket. ill take this as a sign.

I'm glad you feel a little better too. This site has already lost WAYY too many good members, definately would hate to see it lose ANY more. Good luck on that ticket. Remember though, no matter what, there's another drawing in a few more days, and it's not hard at all to get another dollar in a few more days for the next drawing. I expect to lose, and play next week, Life goes on, it's just not worth ending if there's still a glimmer of hope it could get better. Could it get much worse?