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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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My friend's response to a recent lj post of mine:
"We're all dealt our hand. It could be our saving grace or our personal cross to bear. Ultimately you are the one who makes that decision."

Of all my friends, he's the one who gives the toughest love. He makes me realize that I have a few people who care too much to watch me piss & moan.

Yeah, ithink of suicide every goddamn day. Most days I wish I had the balls to do it. I admire people who have the whatever to let go & succeed with it. Yet I also admire people who shed their pain and live.

Just remember. Its your choice if the cards you're dealt will be a burden orsomething awesome about you that makes you unique and special and gives you the will to rise above.
 
I need help, quick. I can't live like this anymore.
I'm the offical Piece of fucking shit of the family. the fuck up, the worthless son, the "uh-oh" baby. my step father told me that he wishs that my dad wore a fucking condom. that shit hit me deep. i'm glad he told me that because my self-love is at zero right now, i could care less about life.
I have a plan set, I don't know what to do with it. I can go through it and that would be that. No more problems, no more fucking relapses, no more fucking family drama shit.

I don't want to leave, right now the way i'm treated in my family(like shit scum) makes me want to drive the nail in deeper. they dont understand how fucking hard addiction is. and this time they've offically quit all ties with me.

so here I am, don't know whats going to keep me from going through with it. i've already cut. now the pain is hallow. dry tears

I don't want this to be my last message on b/l, but if it is. I fucking love you all.
 
For as much of a hardass I pretend to be....aka life come bust my balls, I like it...some days I don't want to be alive. But I keep it to myself. Letting it out just makes me ashamed.
 
Today was my first day in physical rehab. It was really painful, but there was something there that I wanted to share with you all. I am paraphrasing it.

For every door to happiness that closes, another opens. Except sometimes we are distracted by the door that closes before we notice the one that opened.
Click to expand...

Despite how much pain I was in, this still made a lot of sense to me.

I hope that everyone here can get something out of that. <3
 
@billy I, like you seem to , have given up on life and in many ways im just "treading water" on (very reasonable) welfare benefits untill the day when desperation/enough "courage" pushes me into the abyss.
My personality and feelings were lost when depersonlisation, depressions entered my life and then the inevitable alcohol abuse/drugs to take away the pain. (leading to further self hatred). The bad thing about some mental health problems is getting others (even professionals) torealise how disabling they can actually be. Im 32 now and havent felt in touch with myself since i was 18 when i believe canabis/lsd triggered many of my problems ,which i suffer with to this day. I (LIKE YOU PROBABLY ARE )am not a bad man, i hurt people when i was drunk, physically and otherwise but most of my hate has allways been turned inwards. anyway my story has little hope to offer but if your in touch with yourself, even in the smallest way and still have feelings ,there is help and hope. alas ive been sentenced to a life of numbness and no enjoyment, the world seems dreamlike. get help before you feel nothing brother and your soul is in a sort of permanent numbness + pain, as that imo is the worst fate any "living being "can have. I wish you well. best wishes paul
 
I don't spend much time posting in TDS, and today I think I'd like to change that.

So I am officially volunteering any and all time available I have here @ Bluelight in the hopes of preventing suicide, self harm, or anything else of such nature. Or even if you're just feeling blue and need someone to talk to.

Of course, I will not post my phone number or any personal information here publicly, but if anyone needs support of ANY kind, send me a PM and if I am online(which I have been more of lately) you will get my personal phone number immediately.

I am 100% serious here and will copy/paste this in the suicide thread as well.

I very much hope no one ever has to contact me in this way, but I am more than willing to do whatever I can if someone does.

With Love and Respect <3
-d_9
 
I've been to doctor after doctor, I've been on so many antidepressants, and seen so many counselors. None of them helped. I finally turned to opiates in desperation. For 2 months, I was able to feel happy and normal. I was ripped off on Friday and forced to go CT on Saturday.

All my problems have come back much worse. I took 3 grams phenibut and 4 gram of 2 methyl 2 butanol before I went to work today. I have no tolerance to either substance and I still felt so anxious at work today. I was so rigid from nervousness it was hard to work. I hid in my room away from my roommates when I got home from work till they went to bed. I'm depressed and hopeless. I wish I could say these feeling are alien to me but they're all I know anymore. I don't think I'll ever feel normal.

I'm too anxious to call a helpline so I posted here.
 
ferinox ,

I totally hear you buddy , I remember my early days on opiates - the confidence and blissful sleep. I thought to myself, why isn't everyone on this all the time ? Withn a month I found out why :/. Please feel free to msg me, opiates have been a daily part of my life for 8 years solid and ive only recently been able to actually make headway living without them. Please know that your life is precious, and not only do I , but many others value your existence even when you do not feel like you ever will. Emotions however heavy will pass. I promise you this. Please do not hesitate to contact me and please stay strong man.
 
lately it just seems like im at the end of my fuckn rope. I cant remember the last time i cared about living. I just wish i had some money so i could push off and not have to worry about this shit anymore. I think the only reason i dont is i dont want to die in sd, i know realy all i need to do is get a job and save some money so i can move but right now it seems so hard. I cant think of anything that makes my life worth living.
 
glitter I know the feeling :/ , it's tough . I have had a lot of trouble finding work recently and the area im in is not where I belong period.

What sort of work are you looking for ? Please hang in , believe me I hate feeling like I'm scraping together money, ever since I got out of the life it's been difficult to find a job , let alone one with anything fulfilling to it. I'm finally settling on what I'd like to do , which is a plus :). Have you had a job where you really felt fulfilled ? Hit me up if you are having hard times, I'm around tonight and I know this thread well for the same reasons - gotta stick together when times are tough.
 
I half-assed tried to kill myself on october 22, 2008. I have now been fighting chronic neurological lyme disease since I was diagnosed in october 2009. Ever since around the end of summer 2010, I have been having daily suicidal thoughts. Before when I was depressed, I tried to kill myself out of impulse. I didn't really put any thought into it and just downed a couple bottles of pills.

Now, I have a perfectly clear mind and I like to think my head is in much better shape these days. The thing is, I don't really see an end to my treatment. Yes, I may eventually "stabilize" but I will never be able to get rid of all the bacteria that is causing me so many problems. I feel helpless a lot and am already prescribed a bunch of neurotransmitters and comfort meds to help me go about my day-to-day activities.

My point is that I am really scared these days; much so then before my first suicide attempt. With all the things going on in the world right now, combined with my anti-climatic outlook on treatment and the way I am feeling, really scares me. I have suicidal thoughts multiple times a day and it is what I am thinking about all the time. I don't really want to act on these feelings as I have a family that I wouldn't be able to do that to. But every day I feel like I'm closer and closer to coming to that point where I snap and do something to try and end it.

I don't even know why I wrote this. I feel like I'm hanging on a thread between waiting this illness out and just eating all my prescribed opiates as often as they are prescribed until I run out. I am trapped. I just wanted to let you guys know that I am struggling to hold onto my life and I may not be here much longer.
 
dcraver, have you told your doctor or therapist about your suicidal thoughts?? If not, I strongly recommend that you do.
dcraver877 said:
I am struggling to hold onto my life and I may not be here much longer.
Click to expand...
I understand why you're feeling the way you do, but you have to stick around, if not for yourself then for your family. You can't abandon them man, they need you. There are always methods of coping with suicidal thoughts, you just said yourself that you don't want to act on them. For the sake of your family, you need to talk to a therapist about this, okay? <3
 
The pain of living has just overcme the potential pain of death.
No one can help me, because the one thing that would fix it costs thousands of dollars.
I can't say I'm ready but we all die someday, and all the fight in me is drained. I'm so far from my goal, each step is agony.
This recarnation of my life circle was a fucking joke.
I'm not laughing.
What the entire fucking world takes for granted, I never can.
Do you know what its like to look in the mirror and see exactly the opposite of what you should? To be paranoid that someone will find out? No matter how fat, thin, disabled...your body doesn't mock you like mine does.
It disgusts me the amount of jealousy & rage I feel for the world because of this. Complete strangers.
Its not their fault but it still makes me sick.

I wish I had a gun. If I did i'd shoot myself, no thinking involved.
 
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