You say that you've seen a psychologist but it didn't help. Have you just seen the one, or have you tried a few? Sometimes the first one that you see isn't a good fit for whatever reason, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it isn't worthwhile to try again with someone different. Different people react differently to different therapeutic methods too: what worked for me (EMDR with a side of CBT and a light dressing of client-based talk therapy) may not work well for others. Most psychologists will have a few tools in their belt to help out, but may not have the tools (or at least not all of them) that you need, you know?
I'm not a believer in 'higher powers', but rather would put my chips in with the power of a person whose determination and support have ripened enough that it is time for them to move on. You were lucky a few times, and perhaps you have an unusual tolerance to those particular drugs, but you need to remember too that the body will do whatever it can to survive.
What others have said is true though, and I do speak this from experience as well: there is relief from such crushing depression. For some, like yourself, it will take more effort, both on the behalf of yourself and those supporting you, but it can be done. My recommendation, is to try seeing a psychologist again, but one who uses different therapeutic methodologies as the one(s) that you've seen before. There are many, many different treatments available for depression, and you may just need to find the one that works for you. Many have found success with CBT; it is a lot of work, but is a methodology that is proven to be at least on par with medication for alleviating symptoms, and actually attacks the root of the problem as well (while medication generally doesn't, in all but a few rare cases where the problem is strictly biological).
Oh, and while it may go without saying, I'll say it: getting clean off of as many as possible, if not all, recreational substances will make this process a lot more fruitful long-term. Mood elevators will feel like they're helping while you're high, but when you come down you're worse off than when you started. It is more painful in the short term, but in the long term you'll do far better with respect to mental health if you're sober.
I'm not a believer in 'higher powers', but rather would put my chips in with the power of a person whose determination and support have ripened enough that it is time for them to move on. You were lucky a few times, and perhaps you have an unusual tolerance to those particular drugs, but you need to remember too that the body will do whatever it can to survive.
What others have said is true though, and I do speak this from experience as well: there is relief from such crushing depression. For some, like yourself, it will take more effort, both on the behalf of yourself and those supporting you, but it can be done. My recommendation, is to try seeing a psychologist again, but one who uses different therapeutic methodologies as the one(s) that you've seen before. There are many, many different treatments available for depression, and you may just need to find the one that works for you. Many have found success with CBT; it is a lot of work, but is a methodology that is proven to be at least on par with medication for alleviating symptoms, and actually attacks the root of the problem as well (while medication generally doesn't, in all but a few rare cases where the problem is strictly biological).
Oh, and while it may go without saying, I'll say it: getting clean off of as many as possible, if not all, recreational substances will make this process a lot more fruitful long-term. Mood elevators will feel like they're helping while you're high, but when you come down you're worse off than when you started. It is more painful in the short term, but in the long term you'll do far better with respect to mental health if you're sober.
