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Suicide Attempt

J

Jakeperson

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 30, 2008
Messages
3,613
With almost no tolerance to benzos or opiates I ate 500mg of phenazepam, maybe more and snorted 32mg of bupe.


Why didn't I die?
 
someone had other plans for you to be alive, your life has a purpose and meaning now. you weren't kept alive just because you were lucky..
can't tell you for sure what it is yet, need to find that one out on your own.

what made you want to take that much in the first place? whats going on?
 
Depression, went off my meds for a while. Crashed my car, probably the only thing left in my life that made me happy and had been having meth and pills and benzos and opiates earlier so my brain was fried.

I still wish it hadda worked. Doesn't make sense that any one could survive tha
 
why don't you give your meds another shot? doing all those kinds of drugs, especially meth. will deplete so much of your natural "feel good" chemicals.
stop using the meth especially, and the opiates to.

have you ever gone to drug rehab?
 
I'm happy you didn't die. I may not know fully how you feel but I can say I've been there and I am still there but then I go why should I end my life? Why should I have the problems in life force me to take my life? Instead I'm going to try to stand up no matter how many times I fall and tell them to fuck off. Cause I'm still here and I'm not leaving without a fight. If you ever need to talk private message me.
 
Jake, as others have said, it's clearly not your time to die yet. I am really glad that you woke up mate <3

What kind of help are you currently getting for your depression? Are you seeing a counsellor or anything? Do your family and friends know you're having such a hard time at the moment?
 
D's said:
why don't you give your meds another shot? doing all those kinds of drugs, especially meth. will deplete so much of your natural "feel good" chemicals.
stop using the meth especially, and the opiates to.

have you ever gone to drug rehab?
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Yeah, laying off them for a bit now, has been a big few weekends but plan to stay straight for a while. And yeah I went straight back on the meds as soon as I got back from my holiday, has helped a bit.

n3ophy7e said:
Jake, as others have said, it's clearly not your time to die yet. I am really glad that you woke up mate <3

What kind of help are you currently getting for your depression? Are you seeing a counsellor or anything? Do your family and friends know you're having such a hard time at the moment?
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Yeah my family know, been through psychologist and that didn't help. Saw a DA counselor ages ago when I was withdrawaling from weed so I am gonna go back and see her as she was more helpful than any other support method.


Thanks for all the support guys.
 
benzos and bupe are fairly safe, even in very high doses. people have and do die from this combo but its rare . your not unlike myself , i wont say what i took recently ,but it too should have killed me instead i wake up 48 hours later . the combo wasnt that unlike yours tbh.
I wont say i know how u feel, i dont but waking up after a suicide attempt in darkness is very scary indeed , for 1st few mins i thought i was dead. then 6 wks in mental hospital, theres always a part of a suicidal person that wants to live, its nature. thats why when u say to someone u want to die they say "yeah sure its attention" because i believe no one is truly 100% sincere when they say it (including me), some 50/50 others maybe 90% chance they will do it, but never a 100% imo even if they end up sucessful in the end.
 
I've been in deep, dark depressions myself. its not worth it man, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I found this out myself after much emotional struggling.
 
Jakeperson said:
This is an experience I'd like to get to know.
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Dear Jake, I could write a book. Short of that I have been bi-polar for along time-I am close to 50(48). My depressive events started at a very young age. I have suffered some very dark periods over time. However, each one I made it through taught me that I could trust that there was light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually. I came to understand that if I hung around there would be good things ahead. I cherish my good periods and they always prove out that hanging on was worth it. You must always remember "this too shall pass." Please believe there will be good things in your world-as there will. Cherish those moments and experience them to the fullest. This can tide you over the next dark period. Hope I have given you some hope. Gina
 
Yeah I've had depression since a small child, I don't have the ability to appreciate good things that come to me.

I feel like whatever reason I survived was because I have to suffer longer.
 
One of the hallmarks of depression is hopelessness and a complete inability to believe that things will get better. It's normal for you to feel like this when you are depressed.. at first I hated people telling me things would be okay, it sounded so patronising cos I knew they wouldn't be! But slowly I found that the more people who told me how I would through it (and how they got through similar things) the more I started to have a tiny bit of hope that things would get better.

I tried to kill myself earlier on in the year. It was a genuine attempt, and after I survived I would wish I hadn't every day for weeks. I didn't think anything would help, but I started taking my pills properly (venlafaxine) and that lifted things ever so slightly, which allowed me to start enjoying some of the things I used to enjoy (even small things like watching cartoons or having a cigarette in the sunshine), which led to bigger things (seeing friends and enjoying time with my boyfriend) and now I am back at work, in a job that I love, getting loads of joy from my boyfriend and friends and my little garden and music and everything that makes my life rich.

You WILL get there. I know it is more complicated with drug addictions involved, am not saying any of this will be easy, but it is possible and you can get out of the darkest hole baby steps at a time <3
 
I didnt believe in god so much until I survived a few similar encounters. Alls I can say is that the universe has a plan for you, you have things to do, and its not your time to go yet. Be happy you have a role to fulfill, a purpose. Maybe you dont know what it is yet but the universe does, and you arent allowed to go yet.
 
I should've at least ordered more phenibut. Think I would be in a slightly better mood if I wasn't going through withdrawals.
 
Chill on the meth, everyone I've ever known that's tried to kill themselves, the meth basically fueled. Suicide is the most selfish thing someone can do man, I got home to my dad seizing the fuck out throwing up and shit about a month ago. It was a suicide attempt, luckily I'm very strong minded and it didn't get to me but it fucked other family members heads up.

You are loved, if you remove yourself from this life then you are taking the easy way out bro. Life is up and down you gotta stick it out.

Goodluck please don't try it again
 
Thanks every one. Feel somewhat better about life at the moment, except the phen withdrawals and a big night out just before hand with some one sick has left me with the flu and a chest and sinus infection.
 
Jakeperson said:
Thanks every one. Feel somewhat better about life at the moment, except the phen withdrawals and a big night out just before hand with some one sick has left me with the flu and a chest and sinus infection.
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Aww, I am hoping you feel better soon! Have you been to the doctor? Being sick always gets me down.

I hope that things are going even better for you soon enough.
 
A friend just brought this up for me and although my depression has got insanely worse since then, I feel so much better just reading this guys. Thank you very much.

I have done stupider shit since then. About 3 months ago I went to hospital from over 100mg phenaz and 3000+mg of Phenobarbital, I was very, VERY lucky to survive. I stopped breathing after being sedated in the ambulance.

I have given Mirtazapine plenty more goes but it makes me too agitated to be happy.

These days I am struggling to get out of bed, have no motivation for anything including using drugs to help.

Apparently there is a reason for me to be alive because even with several attempts and mistakes with opiates and am still very much alive, if only I was happy. This post isnt really anything more than me spilling some thoughts but I just want to thank Bluelight because without it, I would not have gotten this far.
 
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