Just dont look at me...
Recently I've started Luvox. (Anti-Anxiety/Anti-depressant)
It's helped me so much with my anxiety but some of the thoughts have become so intense and my think has become so deep. It seems like I'm questioning every single thing. I'm finding all these little doubts. I'm so scared of whats happening to me. It's now at a point where I don't realise who I am anymore. I want to cry right now, but other times I want to laugh and make others laugh, and I feel so happy.
I dont know. I'm not suicidal but latetly I've thought "What if I just eat 50 Valiums tablets, fall asleep and escape myself forever". Sometimes I'm so happy and other times I'm so fucking down and depressed. It's one extreme to the other. I worry a lot about my future, about my appearance, I want to escape something but I don't know what ! ! !
I don't know.. Everyday I hope for better tomorrows. I see the world around me and I think unjust thoughts. I feel so left behind in so many ways. I wonder what it feels like to be truly happy again.
Some of the feeling are those of being lonely and unloved. I think back to the days when I was a normal human, living a normal life, a nice job, a good girlfriend. I had stability, and now look at me, I feel mentally wrecked, lacking self confidence, lacking direction. Its a moment of truth of in my life.
Fuck it. You know... I think I'll let life take it's course, what happens, happens. I have such little control these days that to live or die, either be, fate is not always in my own hands, or thoughts. If your meant to be alive, you live, and if death is to come to you, then you die, wether self inflicted, or taken from this earth unfairly...
I can't continue to be the person I am....
shals
