Three years ago, I came off a major xanax addiction. It was unbelievable hell and I never fully recovered. I'm still in pain all the time from protracted benzo withdrawal. A couple of years ago I started doing heroin and it helped me cope but then I lost everything to the addiction, my life savings, my job, my car, etc. I wound up in jail and rehab.
Now I am out and living off food stamps with my mom. I have been doing heroin on and off whenever I could come up with $10 or $20 but I don't really have a habit. I keep thinking I should quit but I just don't know what else to do. It helps the pain I have from the benzos so much and when I am high, is the only time I feel motivated to do anything besides lay around and watch tv. I don't really want a job because I know that as soon as I get money, I am going to get a habit again, but obviously I can't just not work and expect my parents to take care of me indefinitely. My mom knows about my benzo plight and is sympathetic, but on the condition that I don't keep using drugs. I keep wanting to improve my life, but the benzo withdrawal symptoms just keep bringing me down and discouraging me. I feel bad all the time and am not even really well enough to work full time at any sort of job that is in any way demanding, but it's also gotten to the point where I just use my benzo illness as an excuse not to do anything I don't want to do. I guess I need to find some kind of balance between accepting the fact that I'm sick, but also pushing myself to accomplish anyway. I just dont know where to go from here. I don't see myself having a very good life. Life is all about doing things and I hardly ever feel like doing anything, unless I'm high.
Now I am out and living off food stamps with my mom. I have been doing heroin on and off whenever I could come up with $10 or $20 but I don't really have a habit. I keep thinking I should quit but I just don't know what else to do. It helps the pain I have from the benzos so much and when I am high, is the only time I feel motivated to do anything besides lay around and watch tv. I don't really want a job because I know that as soon as I get money, I am going to get a habit again, but obviously I can't just not work and expect my parents to take care of me indefinitely. My mom knows about my benzo plight and is sympathetic, but on the condition that I don't keep using drugs. I keep wanting to improve my life, but the benzo withdrawal symptoms just keep bringing me down and discouraging me. I feel bad all the time and am not even really well enough to work full time at any sort of job that is in any way demanding, but it's also gotten to the point where I just use my benzo illness as an excuse not to do anything I don't want to do. I guess I need to find some kind of balance between accepting the fact that I'm sick, but also pushing myself to accomplish anyway. I just dont know where to go from here. I don't see myself having a very good life. Life is all about doing things and I hardly ever feel like doing anything, unless I'm high.