^Good, or sort of shaky, but nice and sunny here, so that's all good... Thanks for asking how we're all doing... Sounds like your boat is pretty stable, albeit rockin' a little bit... Here my boat is also rockin' a little, and I have also been using alprazolam recently to supplement my bupe.... I am supposed to be stable at 1 mg / day - at least that is what I collect weekly, but the past three weeks have been a bit bumpy and in reality, I am probably still at 1.5 mg / day at least... although 3/5 days when I dose over 1 mg, I get these headaches, but I really can't tell whether they are benzo related or opiate related... but I have a hunch they have something to do with my drug intake. It could also be the sudden change from winter weather to hot sunny days, and dehydration, but I drink at least 3-4 liters of liquid daily, the majority being water.... Could be possible it is something with the filtering of the tablets for IV (although I go through ultimate sterile procedures and use cotton, then a 0.45 micron wheel filter, then a 0.2 and finally I shoot the resulting solution (usually shoot 1 mg bupe/2 ml H2O or sometimes just 1 ml with 0.5 mg). Plus the odd benzos on the side. And the weed. And recently I had to try IV heroin after running out of bupe, which was wonderful for the time being (except for the amount of time, effort, money spent and being street gypped), but this boat just needs to stop rocking, I need to paddle to shore and step the fuck out and back onto stable ground. I start tapering down 0.2 mg every third day beginning of may, and then I'm in for it... I hope the sobriety comes on pleasantly
Funnily enough, the days off bupe, that resulted in a 5-shots-of-brown-heroin-over-two-days, had me feeling great the day after my last shot, and by then at least 16 hours had passed since my last heroin shot, and roughly 4 days without bupe in my system... So now I'm wondering whether the way to go is drop the bupe, and see how it goes... How I would love to be able to chipmunk the remaining collections at the clinic, and just have a stash lying around, for the harshest days... But chipmunking requires willpower, and it also requires a low tolerance, and neither are what I have the most of right now (although some would argue that 1 mg / day of bupe is nothing, to me I can feel a huge difference between 1 and 0, and 1 and 1.5 for that mattter)... I'll shoot bupe, get buzzed, then smoke weed, get even more buzzed, and then do benzos and get even more buzzed... something tells me that maybe I should have never joined this damned bupe program, and that it's fucked me up more than it has helped me... but then again, time will tell... For now, all is well, it must be. Ideally, in a months time, I should be pissing clean, except for Cannabis, which I don't have any plans to stop using, unless of course it starts to trouble me, but it's the opiates and benzo chapter that I need to close, for good, unless medically required. And if I do end up using again recreationally, I really want it to be once in a blue moon or eclipse or whatever that figure of speech is... just not be a fiend for it, and be able to go on with my life without having to maintain on anything else but food and drink (non-alcoholic). It's a bitch waking up in the morning, and thinking, "fuck, what do I need right now to feel normal? And damnit, I'm shaky and cold as a bitch, and I don't have any tablets for sublingual use left, so I have to shoot or plug the solution I made, but damn it's cold, and so on!" And where I live, I share a kitchen with a bunch of other people, so it's not uncommon that I have to be 'present' or feeling good to be able to socialize, even just while fixing coffee or something small like that... Sometimes I stand there, feeling like morning-sickness-shit-fucking-crap, and then there's the lively girl and the happy boy who have never seen or tried shit, small talking and trying to chat me up.... GRRRRR......
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