I started tapering down Suboxone because I noticed it's been causing more problems than it's been solving. I'm now 99% sure that my sweating, trembling, palpitations, and weird anxiety (unlike that of BZD withdrawal) come from naloxone and there's no Subutex available here (even if it was, I'd be suspected of getting high off it...). I'm doing it myself, I didn't consult my doctor other than telling him that I'm thinking about it, because I don't want to have to ask for increasing it if something unexpected happens.
Originally I was on 8mg, I decreased it to 6mg and took 6mg for 4 days, then 4mg for 5 days, on day 9 I collected Suboxone and ran into my doctor, so I was forced to chew 8mg again, on day 10 I took nothing, on day 11 4mg, on day 12 2mg, and during the following night I started having thoughts about morphine and heroin. I saw myself injecting that brown solution of street heroin citrate. I smoked a tiny ball of weed (it helps me to fall asleep and not to have tiring thoughts, because I've got my sleep screwed up by BZDs), but it didn't go away. So I thought "my body needs that damned Suboxone", cut the big 8mg pill into 8 pieces and sucked ~2mg into my mouth and kept it under my tongue for like 10 minutes, and then I took another ~2mg (I don't know if it's true, but I noticed that when I take a smaller dose first, then buprenorphine from it will "help" buprenorphine from another dose fight that naloxone "rush" - sweating, heart pounding, abdominal pain etc.).
When I was injecting that heroin in my thoughts, I got shivers and got cold. I had my earphones on listening to the music I had heard so many times in the past during shooting up. After like 15 minutes I felt a very weak surge of warmness after that heart pounding anxiety subsided. I'm pretty much sure it was placebo, because I tried dosing like this having gone down to 1mg dosage. Now 1mg buprenorphine / 0.25mg naloxone actually makes me feel worse and causes symptoms I attributed to not enough GABAergics (trembling, sweating, anxiety even after phenobarbital mixed with weak BZDs, I mean those often prescribed to fight every day stress - stupid, I know).
How am I supposed to get off it if I had hit the dose at which side effects from naloxone can't be ignored, there's no Subutex in my country, and buprenorphine-only pills are exclusively prescribed for pain? I'm beginning to worry that one day I will lose control over myself as I'm still experiencing every day problems that I was experiencing when I got into addiction, actually it got worse, and those thoughts about getting nodded out are more and more often. Even if I am all right with no real cravings for GABAergics, I throw things and I'm angry (which makes me take anything I can get in a matter of 5 minutes and probably does more harm than morphine would do, e.g. amphetamine and various benzodiazepines or barbiturates - the latter is rather because I can get no clonazepam which kept me stable with the dose...).
I have no idea what I could do other than 1) increasing the dose back to 8mg, staying in Poland, and waiting for death in loneliness or 2) keep tapering down and completely destroy my nerves. If I do 2), then I'm almost sure that I will get heroin shortly as there's really nothing stopping me or nothing that I'd care for. Any ideas are most welcome, thanks in advance.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
It's not a strong discomfort, it's much much lighter than what I experienced on methadone, but it's augmented by other stuff. I won't increase the dose then and get off it after I leave. I can get a supply for 2 weeks at most, so I won't tell that I'm getting off it either, so I will have enough to spread it over time. There's at least one thing it does well - it's the only thing now stopping me from relapsing.
