hi everyone, well i remember now how it is when i get dope sick, today is the first day i really know something is going on because of how i was yawning and tearing eyes, i have been on suboxone so long it is weird honestly, but i think because of how long i was my body took a while getting rid of so much of it, i mean at one point i even took 32 mgs but mostly been sixteen for so long, then a few weeks on eight, then a week on two to four,
i known that mostly before this was anxiety of quitting.
i have for the moment decided to stick to four mgs, two in morning two at night, i cant really afford the pills but i also cant afford to be sick having a ten mth old who is getting into everything now, even going up still feels not so great, but i am gonna stick with only four mgs for now,
i have also been staying away from the benzos which is hard, i know i would feel way better but my problem is tolerance way to fast, also kicking benzo's makes heroin withdrawal look like a walk on the beach
fm1983 thankyou i know alot of the herbal and otc remedies i know cuz i tried them all (not joking) when going of xanax, but thankyou i was thinking of going to a herbalist
Znegative it is strange to me being on such a low dose but i think i will feel much better, i think an addict (like me) has to loose some of there habits,
when i first got on sub doc gave me one pill in office and i felt awesome, but my addict mind said to him i think i need a little more so started the increase, and i never really got high of it after the first few days, randomly i will get a buzz which is why sub feels so weird to me,
but like i said it is a habit or a ritual and i need to retrain myself and it isnt easy at all.
one more thing i need to just get it of my chest and tell someone , i have a script for adderall and honestly dont usually abuse this, my dad actually keeps them and my sub because one of my daughters friends stole my whole bottle of adderall one time,
i seen two old addict friends while getting my script filled and they were both sick , i normally never ever ever give away or sell drugs, not because im stingy, i was investigated in the death of my best friend for her methadone overdose and death, they found i was not involved but alot of people dont know or believe the truth, and i know that police still think of me as an addict allthough i am clean of heroin a long time and street drugs,and for some reason, it doesnt seem as taboo to snitch anymore , im shocked how people snitch these days anywhooooo i will get to the point
they were sick, i let them both have half of a pill , they had to use it at my house, and everyone know's some drug addicts will bleed you dry if they could, and this one guy kept coming back bugging me every day, not coming out and saying it , just trying to make me feel sorry for him and they know i am a sucker,
he ended up giving me two brand new rigs i shot my adderall that day, i justified it was my medicine anyway,
well the next day i find out i am kicked of the suboxone and counseling place i go to, the ONLY one in my area that takes my insurance, before this i was paying like one forty every two weeks
i always always believe i get reprocusions for my actions and i feel that this is it
i feel so freaking guilty that i shot havent used a rig for so long and was scared i would go back to it, thankgod i didnt get a good rush and i had a hard time hitting i had to go in my hand or i think i would be of to the races in no time
anyway i am sorry this is a book, and sorry i am not great at punctuation and spelling on the computer i guess i just needed to vent
thanks everyone for helping me bluelight always is a big help to me
ash