*=Regulator=*
Bluelighter
Didn't get a chance to read over the other posts, but will do that after I type mine.
So I'm plenty tolerant to subs, and to kpins. I take around ~75-90 of them in about a week, and am still functional. It has been 3 weeks since I had any benzo's, and I'm not in any withdrawals, feel fine, etc, etc/
So yesterday my buddy and I go to get some pins, I had taken 2mg of sub earlier that day, and take 2mg more before we go.
Side note: I had been sick for the past few days (not drug w/d sick, but normal germ sick).
Unless you want to read whole thing, feel free to ignore this partNSFW:
Anyways, first thing that should've alerted me o something being wrong was I was in a store and I had one of those time skip moments. It's hard to explain, but for those who do drugs (duh bluelight), it's lets say someone throws a ball at you, you see the ball in his hand, and next thing its smacking you. The in between moment was non existant.
I was in a store flicking something off a shelf to catch, I flick, next thing I know I'm halfway prone to the ground catching the thing, with no middle portion.
Anyways, back to story.
I had gotten 5 x 1mg kpins for myself, which is low considering to what I normally get.
Since I'm probably rambling, end of story....
I end up getting retarded, although it takes a while for it to fully kick in. I had to go out later that night to get my buddy some dope, don't really remember that, get home, don't remember that, woke up 26 hours later! Like an hour ago.
During this time I was jammed out of my mind. 4mgs of suboxone and 5mg of klonopin. Additionally I have massive black holes in my memory
Just saying, if you get yourself down to low levels of bupe, atleast where I am at ~2mg per day, you're liable to get extreamly fucked up off some benzos.
The only thing that has ever put major holes in my memory (like losing 24 hours) is Zolpidem (Ambien/Stilnox). Once I took about 100mg (10 pills) and for some reason didn't fall asleep. I was up for most of the night and next day. I was living with my family at the time and was apparently doing all sorts of crazy shit like having conversations with my cat and dogs, 'pinballing' around the house, revealing excruciatingly embarrassing secrets to my parents and running into my sister's room, jumping on her bed and running out again repeatedly. My parent's assumed I was tripping balls on acid or something and were a minute from taking me to ER when I finally passed out. I remember NOTHING of the entire event except for a few fleeting snapshots.
Not my finest hour. Zolpidem and other benzos (yes, I know Zolpidem isn't a 'real' benzo) can really fuck you up if you take too much, although in my experience, Zolpidem is much more likely to make you do really crazy shit.
Back to me: After going through ~60mg of Valium a day my Dr. has made me drop back to 25mg. He's making me pick up my doses every three days which is fair enough. Halving the dose isn't going to help my sleep but I really don't want to end up kicking Sub just to get hooked on benzos so I'm not complaining.
It's 9.30pm local time so probably got another 10 hours or so before I can even consider a nap. Time to start getting through my built up pile of books.
If anyone's interested, here's a couple of books that are extremely cutting-edge regarding issues such as addiction and PAWS (please note the references below contain the Australian publisher but both of these books are available internationally - Google that bitch!):
Harris, R (MD). (2007). The Happiness Trap: Stop Struggling, Start Living. Wollombi: Exisle Publishing
- The above is about how regular ideas of 'happiness' are misleading, inaccurate and actually directly contribute to the current epidemic of stress, anxiety and depression. The book also details how current psychological approaches are making things worse.
I've read about half of it and it makes a lot of sense. It outlines how we are our own worst enemies when it comes to the quest for 'happiness' and gives a lot of practical advice on how to overcome these self-destructive tendencies. It's a little bit like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but makes much more intuitive sense.
Doidge, N (MD). (2010). The Brain That Changes Itself. Carlton North: Scribe Publications
- I've read about a third of this one and it's about a concept called 'neuroplasticity'; literally, the ability of the brain to restore itself. Most of you would have heard things like 'there are only a limited number of brain cells and once you lose them, they can't grow back' or similar things. Conversely, this book argues that the brain has incredible regenerative powers if tweaked in the right way. It cites numerous cases including someone who had been labelled as 'retarded' for his entire life dramatically increasing his IQ, people who had been written off as psychological lost causes making full recoveries and drug addicts literally re-wiring the way their brains work in order to overcome their difficulties.
Both these books may sound a bit like the usual 'self help' bullshit that fill rows of bookstores but critically, they are backed by extensive research and case studies. Definitely worth checking out if you have the time.