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stuck on smack need advice im in a bind and dont know what to do

I just hope i can act somewhat normal i still have klonipin and suboxone at home and i have 4 more 40 mg tabs of methadone what u think? is that enogh? Ive really kinda backed myself in a corner
 
hey.. . was wondering how you have been doing. so you took a 40mg wafer today, how long ago? some times running out of options can be just the push that is needed to get things moving along. we all need that kind of "push" at certain times!

how much methadone do you have? try and hold at that 40mg and push through the day. good to hear from you and glad things are starting up!
 
Ugh i just messed up. someone stopped here and had one and i got it. this is just not a good place to be for what i am trying to do. although i think i missed alot of it but yeah there is just too much shit around here i need to go back home where therre is no temptations. im just gonna.end up fuckin up over and ovet again here.
 
god i wish i could just be normal. its so frustetating to have this shit taking over ny life. now i have no money and no way to get none til next weekend and i havent been home yet but thinking.i might go home today but just hope i.dont get real sick cuz i have to do some work at ny house this week. Im just a fuck up i guess. im so disgusted
 
eeek.. do not beat yourself up. i think you totally need to go back home and get to an environment where these "temptations" will not be being presented right in front of your face. with people constantly bringing dope around and using when you are trying to mentally build up the strength and will that you need to fight through this is going to make it beyond hard. lace your sneakers up and go!

i have had to make very tough choices in dealing with my environment which had drastic effects on my career, friends and flat out all around life in dealing with my health and addiction. it seemed at the time to make things even harder in having to process and face additional physical and emotional change. i knew tho if i did not take these much needed steps that the pattern would just continue leading me to a more isolated and dangerous place. it took me some time to even listen to doctors in taking the appropriate medications in managing medical issues over thinking i could deal with them. that was my addiction thinking for me and keeping me in places i needed to break from before they eventually broke me.

you know whats up, you have said it- "im just gonna.end up fuckin up over and over again here."

what do you think is the main hold up in leaving their?? did you acquire a certain amount of wafers? you can do this, once you make that first step towards the door just do not look back and keep moving towards home!!
 
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all this shit your brain is telling you,like "I'm a fuck up"is part of your DISEASE.
it's all lies,man.
your disease wants you to use and ultimately die.
the disease of addiction is not your friend.

I am sure you have a greater purpose beyond this BS.
but you have to want it i guess.
want to FIGHT.
it's always worth it,brother.
 
I have 4 wafers and im just scared dont wanna be sick later on when i get home just freaked out about it and dont want my friend to kick me out if i am sick and he finds out
 
- i just saw you post up -

first things first... start heading home. sounds like there could be some positive things to focus on their that will be a big help with your mindset. you have some great aids to help start the transition and not hit the side walk all at once. since you already took a wafer today and did a shot you should be feeling ok, no?? i would just hold onto that x for now and not use any of it for more then a minute.

i would use the methadone as such-

mon. 20mg am 20mg pm
tues. 15mg am 15mg pm
wed. 10mg am 10mg pm
thur. 10mg am 10mg pm
fri. 7.5mg am 7.5mg pm
sat. 5mg am 5mg pm
sun. 5mg am 5mg pm
mon. 2.5mg am 2.5mg pm
tues. 2.5mg am 2.5mg pm
wed. 2.5mg whole day
thur. 1.25mg whole day
fri. 1.25mg whole day

(you can cut the wafers with a razor blade very easily to set this up) i would save the clonazepam for late in the reduction and after stopping the methadone to help with sleep and anxiety. pick up some melatonin and valerian to help also... potassium, magnesium, multi vitamin, b-complex, b-12, vitamin c.. f you "can" get these they could also be very helpful.

if you go this rout with the methadone hopefully you just do not use the suboxone at all! you know there is the 72 hour transition after using the methadone for a week... so at that point i would really just try and abstain. the x might be nice in very SMALL, very spaced out doses (several days +) in the weeks to follow. i recommend the vitamins/supplements more so!! good "clean" living place, diet, activity is huge. does any of this sound possible or like a good plan for you?
 
Yeah it sounds good but its so much easier to put it into words. Im so damn nervous amd wondering how this is gonna go. im so worried. my mind is racing and i cant shut it off. i think i have about 3 or 4 2 mg klonipin
 
Its always easier said than done but somehow i have to get some enerfy and get some shit done around there when i get there and i dont know how im going too thats always the hardest part to get motovated to do anytbing and it lasts so long
 
I love what thedawn said, it is so true! and you absolutely can do it. I've been CT WD for 6 days now -- from a 5 year daily habit of 120 mg oxy -- and WD absolutely does suck but the very worst is only for 48 hours, and remembering that misery can be a really helpful deterrent next time you feel like it might be OK to just score a little...I'm also in a house with people ( my 3 teenage kids) who can't know I'm detoxing from opiates, so they think I have a terrible flu - which is more or less what this is like actually. You have a right to be sick in your own house and you don't have to tell your housemate yet if you are worried about his reaction. The very best thing you can do is to find a real human being you can talk to in person who knows what you're going through. NA might not be your thing but there is something immensely healing about sitting in a room full of sober junkies and drunks. And if you ask for help you will get more than you can handle...I used to go to the hospital when I was in serious trouble with alcohol and often I got checked in for detox so that took care of the first 2-5 days but then again alcohol detox is life threatening and opiates not -- I've never gone to the ER for opiate WD. pro re nata has given you so many great ideas and points of contact -- I hope you choose to contact someone so you can do this thing! You really can, and you only have to do get through one day at a time. Ugh did I just write that?! Cliche or not, it's true and the only way to do it. You can't plan your whole sober life today but you can take some steps, like picking up the phone....GL!
 
yeah always true with. ... "easier said then done". but when you start doing it just starts flowing and things start happening in the direction you have been wanting. feels so good after making that initial step- starting to break down some of the fear/anxiety of held up thoughts in the mind. remember that part of addiction is wanting to keep you there to not figure out how to let it go and move on. you can do it!!

-you have obtained some really great aids to help withstand the blow of falling right into acute withdrawal.
that was one of the major hang ups you were dealing with. sooo .. awesome you have that one crossed off the list!!

-next is environment. ok.. you know where you need to go/need to be and you know where you do not need to be.. this has and
is number two of the bigger issues in the way.
time to clear the path and head on home to get onto number three!

i know it is hard but you can do this... you have support from us here to continue to try and help motivate and encourage you in taking the steps you have been expressing to take. this whole thread is such a great thing for you to be able to look back over when ever you need. it is full of love, advice and wonderful resources that can truly help you. with the dosing schedule above you should be ok... not at the top of your game but not evan close to as bad as it could be.

you heading for the door?? got to maaaaake yourself do it... .. come on... . you go it.. there you go... . now keep moving!!
 
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I guess im gonna get ready and get out of here ive tried weaning and that hasnt worked cuz i always end up doing more than i actually need. Im gonna just take a blind step and see what happends god i hope im not gonna end up homeless again. i need to get off this shit for good i cant keep livig like this just hope if it gets bad my friend will be understanding and not just kick me out of the house.
 
good news!! you got this. try not to focus on things that are out of your control but the little things that are and helping you move on. you know what you need to do and why.. good things to write down to remind yourself of. you have been around this block enough times, i am really hoping this is your last trip around!

keep those feet moving.. . just minute by minute!
 
Well im here where ive been living nice to sleep in my own bed. i slept way too much im nervous to come out of my room this is the. worst i hate it.but i love it
 
good job; you're doing the right thing. you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. it's your house. don't forget to make some sober contacts asap. isolation makes a powerful breeding ground for addictive thoughts and cravings. you only have to not use right now, not for the rest of your life. keep thinking about the freedom on the other side. no more hiding. no more running. no more lying. no more sickness. no more loneliness and shame, homelessness and fear. you can do it. one of my early sponsors when I got clean from a serious heroin habit in the 1980's used to say "you only have to give up this one freedom (the freedom to use) to have all the other freedoms in life". It's really true.
 
Woooooooo-o o ow.. .. check you out!! making moves over their, really, really outstanding news my friend. you totally love it because you are doing exactly what you have been WANTING to do. we love it! nice work. should i even ask how you are feeling??

so what did you end up deciding on- are you hitting it "cold" or are you using the methadone??

which ever it is just great to see you taking this step i know it was a really tough thing to overcome and confront. but you did it.. and by the sound of things all is a-ok at the house and with your friend. you have crossed two really big things off the list in getting your detox started up, has to feel wonderful. enjoy your bed!!

i am really happy for you! let us know whats good.. you are making great progress you are on your way!


honeebee- i hope you are doing well an making it through and past your detox!
 
Well today is when i have to act like nothing is wrong i guess. i got 3 1/2 wafers left and i used a small amount yesterday. because i had it and couldnt let it go to waste like an idiot. i tried to save it for as long as i could. its not even fun anymore all it does is put me to sleep. so i just sleep the buzz away. i think im startin to feel a little sweaty and bout to take a half and hope it holds me
 
Try and use the time you have because of the wafers to get those medications for when the full withdrawl comes. You will tbank yourself later.. so much progress.. nice work!
 
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