Ferg88
Greenlighter
I have been addicted to substances for about the last 13 years, if its not one drug it's another. The point is that there has to always be something there for me to alter my sobering state of mind.
If you have a substance abuse problem and the people in your life know of your problem, then you might have experienced the same things that i do on a regular basis, a lot of "talks" and time listening to the crys of those who actually give a shit.
For me, i am not in denial, i have a problem. Well i have a multitude of problems, all in which arrest me of being free. The worst part about us drug addicts seems to be our complete disregard for everyone and everything that surrounds us. I cant tell you how many times i have broken the hearts of the people i love becasue they see my lack of responsible decision making as a big middle finger pointed at them. When in all truth, i am hurting as bad and if not worse than they are. I just need my drugs to make me feel happy and to take all my thoughts away from me, i need not focus on anything going on in my life becasue dealing with life is just to damn hard for me to do.
There was a point in time were i managed to pull together an entire year of complete sobriety, everyone seemed to be getting happier but who really knows becasue that was a long time ago.
I guess what my intial point of posting something here was to "fuck i cant even remember now" whatever. im posting it anyways and that just whats going to happen. The point for me posting something was to get across the feeling that i have of being sober vs being loaded. I just dont care as much as they do about myself and i really dont want to go to a fucking AA meeting, i cant stand those damn meetings being the "only" chance i have, becasue thats a load of fucking crap.
If you have a substance abuse problem and the people in your life know of your problem, then you might have experienced the same things that i do on a regular basis, a lot of "talks" and time listening to the crys of those who actually give a shit.
For me, i am not in denial, i have a problem. Well i have a multitude of problems, all in which arrest me of being free. The worst part about us drug addicts seems to be our complete disregard for everyone and everything that surrounds us. I cant tell you how many times i have broken the hearts of the people i love becasue they see my lack of responsible decision making as a big middle finger pointed at them. When in all truth, i am hurting as bad and if not worse than they are. I just need my drugs to make me feel happy and to take all my thoughts away from me, i need not focus on anything going on in my life becasue dealing with life is just to damn hard for me to do.
There was a point in time were i managed to pull together an entire year of complete sobriety, everyone seemed to be getting happier but who really knows becasue that was a long time ago.
I guess what my intial point of posting something here was to "fuck i cant even remember now" whatever. im posting it anyways and that just whats going to happen. The point for me posting something was to get across the feeling that i have of being sober vs being loaded. I just dont care as much as they do about myself and i really dont want to go to a fucking AA meeting, i cant stand those damn meetings being the "only" chance i have, becasue thats a load of fucking crap.
There are other options to AA/NA one being smart recovery or you can just come up with a personalized recovery plan that allows you to live a peaceful and enjoyable life in recovery. Here are a couple links for ya
the reason I ask is because it an allusion and i think we may be able to think through it.. I did