up all night
Bluelight Crew
She wished no ill of him; nor he of her however not wanting something bad to happen and standing by when the darkness rose is of inconsequential difference. She studied his outline and tried to freeze it because she knew her future self would ask this of her. A logbook of photographs in her mind was all she liked to refer to when she closed her eyes. Life looks so different when it’s suspended in time. His smile, caught just before it became a smirk is seemingly innocent to the casual bystander – who was to know there was apathy playing with the tip of his tongue. ‘Not with teeth that white’ she’d tell herself as she blinked again, ‘not with eyes that bright.’
She knew as time passed wisdom, bitterness or loneliness would change the shape of this photo-in-progress. The colour of his eyes would be exchanged with those of the lover after him, day may become night and the light in his hair may become the glare off a cigarette he never smoked. She’d keep the smile though. That was the important part after all.
As she watched him she was suddenly very sorry for every cruel word that had passed her lips. Things she knew she’d said in anger or hate or hurt. Questions she’d asked when the answer was known and better left unspoken. Drunken moments when the days insecurities manifested themselves in spite and selfish denial. She wanted to say that to him but thought he’d probably disbelieve her sincerity so stayed quiet.
Light another cigarette darling. Have another wine darling. Deprive the senses again darling but keep the smile, for god’s sake remember that smile.
She knew as time passed wisdom, bitterness or loneliness would change the shape of this photo-in-progress. The colour of his eyes would be exchanged with those of the lover after him, day may become night and the light in his hair may become the glare off a cigarette he never smoked. She’d keep the smile though. That was the important part after all.
As she watched him she was suddenly very sorry for every cruel word that had passed her lips. Things she knew she’d said in anger or hate or hurt. Questions she’d asked when the answer was known and better left unspoken. Drunken moments when the days insecurities manifested themselves in spite and selfish denial. She wanted to say that to him but thought he’d probably disbelieve her sincerity so stayed quiet.
Light another cigarette darling. Have another wine darling. Deprive the senses again darling but keep the smile, for god’s sake remember that smile.
