Story Time With D's...Gather 'round children!

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Tell me when he gets out :(
 
okay, might as well tell this one, the whole rehab knows about it.

when i was living in baton rouge at REHAB! i was working at quiznos right, you couldnt have any pussy, like they did testerone test's to see if u had sex, check ur pee tests for semen, std tests(lol), and would check ur undies and bed with black lights, etcetc. lame rite?
anyways like i said, i was working at quiznos, and one day i was horny, i havnt masterbated in over 3 months because i was afraid of failing the many test's they have for checking to see if u got ne ass.
so one day i was at work cutting the meat (slicing), man it was like 8am, my boss hasn't showed up and i so happnd to stick my finger in the ham cuz i was pissd cuz the quiznos where i worked at was right next to a victoriea secret. so i started to see hot girls line up for the sale on thongs, etcetc.
so after i rammd my finger in the ham i was like "that didn't feel so bad". so i stuck it in further, and deeper. and before i relised what i was doing, i was fingerfucking the ham. well one thing led to another and i was like "hmmm.. we have 2 pans of ham.. enough to last us for a few days, and 2 hams in the cooler." so bout 15mins later i was like fuck it, fuck the rehab, fuck it, i'm going to get me some. so I got the ham, and brought it in the bathroom with me, sat on the toliet and looked at it, thinking how the fuck am i going to do this, which side would be better, should i wear a glove? so i was like fuck it im bare backing it, so i wippd my shit out and went tappin the ham, no glove, bust'd a nut, and thru it away in the trashcan, and went back to work.
well 10 or so my dick starts hurting, like bad, like when u pee it burns, so im like oh shit i got a infection, so went to the doc n the box telling them i slept with a whore n needed pills. showed the doc my thing and i knew that he had to have smelt the black forest ham, shit i did. he just smiled and wrote me a script.
anywho the next day at work my boss was there waiting on me when i came in, and told me to come in the back. well i didn't think of anything of it because well i didnt do anything wrong.
well he was like "drew, i need to ask you a serious question". i was like uhhh ok. he ws like "why the fuck was there a ham in the trash in the bathroom"?. i was like shit, so i was like well sir (and told him my story about the no chick policy at rehab) he gave me a stern face, and started laughing, later he took me out n got my a lap dance if i promised not to fuck anymore of his hams.

what brought this up was i was talking to a chick today that got fired from subway, and i was like... "I used to work at Quiznos" lol.

anywho thats a story, enjoy lol
 
well heres a short one, well for anyone who goes to a christian rehab, ...

when i first got to rehab, i was in lol mode, so i decided to go and tell the christian camp minister a joke.
i was like.. "whats the difrence between a pile of dead babies and 2 flanal shirts"
he was like what the hell are you saying son?
and i was like i don't have 2 flanal shirts in my closet and lol'd.
he was uber beyond pissd at me and made me write the old test. for 3 days straight).
so no more dirty jokes at the 'hab.
lol
 
several years ago i was a sad pathetic lonly virgin like most of all of u people are.

It was after prom when I was still in Highschool. There was a party going down, and I was invited for once. I had put on my best shirt and jeans. spiked up my hair and wore my fresh j's, and i was very excited about this. best best friend warned me not to go but i ignored him because he's a loser.

I must've arrived to the party late because there was lots of people already shitfased outside the house. when i knockd on the front door, the host was happy to see me.

"ahahhahaha, oh wow. he actually came". the alpha-male jock type said to me. lots of people were laughing. and i was glad to see so many people were expicting me.

"Well drew, we prepared a special room for you in my closet, theres a drunk naked chick in there ready to bang who ever walks in, and your the lucky man!" he said as he put his arm over my shoulder, signaling someone to lock the door behind us.

"REALLY, I said. You were such a dick to me in middle school I'm suprised that you matured so much," "I said happily, i'm accepted by the cool kids".

"Yeah no problem bro, we are going to need for you to take off your cloths and get in there".

"Can I atleast take my cloths off once I get inside the closet" I didn't want to get naked infront of a bunch of people.

"sure, whatever. theres a bottle of vodka in there too, unless that bitch drank it all, heh" and with that he opend the closet door and shoved me inside. There was a clicking sound from the outside, it was then when I thought something bad was going to happen.

It was pitch black in there, All i could here was muffl'd gigglz* coming from the outside room, it died down suddenly.

"How ya doin drew", my jock friend askd me through the door.

"Not so good, I cant see anything, or hear anything, are you sure she's in here? i askd doubtfully.

I paused suddenly, my ears picked something up. i focused intensly on the sound. It was breathing, like really heavy breathing. it wasnt coming from me. what ever was making the noise must've been big, could it be a big dog? i wasnt sure.

''I'm not so sure about this anymore. I think I'm just going to head home''. I said and i reached for the door handle behind me. but my hand didn't reach a door handle. it crashd into something, something warm, and fleshy. what ever it was it was blocking my exit.

"What the hell are you, who the hell are you"? as I backed into the closet.
"...Drew, It's me Katie".

OH FUCK, Katie was the fattest girl in the school. not just chubby, and not just fat. I'm talking about as fat as they come. and she was naked, and i'm trapped in the closet with her.

"Lets have sex drew", I could smell the vodka on her breath. she stumbled towards me. though it was dark in this room, i could feel the room shake with ever step she took. and then she began to crush me with her fat.

"fuckfuckfuckfuck get the fuck off of me you whale"! NO I wont lose my virginity to you!" but it was no use. her fat hands were pulling down my jeans. while my hands were pinned under her weight.

In this darkness, and under this weight. in this moment of absoulte despair. my mind went to my happy place. yes i have a happy place, i go there to deal with tough times. there was a vague sense of a whale slobbering on my penis. but i was for the moment detached from my mortal shell.

in my happy place was my older brother. he was the coolest guy i knew when i was younger. unfortunately, he died a few years ago because of a cannabis overdose.

"hey lil bro whats going on?" his calm voise soothd me.

"i'm finally getting laid, but its from a whale, i'm pretty much getting raped. what should i do?"

"good question, remember when we were younger, and that really fat chick had a crush on you, she askd you out and you rejected her for being fat. she told you that you would die forever alone and sad."

"I remimber".

"well this is the chance to make up for the amends for the wrongs you commited". god is punishing you for being shallow if you have sex with this fat chick you will be forgiven. and then the sexy chicks will fallow.(lies!)

"that makes sense, you are very wise big brother, thank you".

"im just a figment of your imagination, the knowledge was yours all along, now go fuck a whale virgin loser."

and with that i was back in reality.

with my new sense of purpose, i was given temporay inhuman strength. I grab'd fat katies fat head by the back of her fat hair and began face fucking her fast. though she was suprised at first and choked, she soon fell to my rhythm, years of speed eating probaly traind her for this.

when i came, i came hard.i burning hot loaded of my man juice exited exploded out of my urethra and down fat katies throat. the reason why i call all body parts fat is to emphasise her fatness, i pulled out my cock to shoot the last squirt onto her eyeballs.

my cock still lusted for more. i rolld the fat bitch over and lifted up her fat ass to find her fat vagina, at this point of time i was no vagina finder expert.but it seemd pretty loose. she was probaly a lonely girl who spent many lonely fat nights shoving dildos into her lonely fat vagina and eating fatty foods.

I went to town on her, fucking with all my might. with all my strength. even though i had just came. my penis wasn't any softer. my erection was like steel.

she screamed in a fat womans ecstasy. soon i was screaming too, but screaming with passion. not pleasure. tonight, i had fallen into oblivion. i had reached an all time low for me. my mind was not my own. i whipped it out and sprayed a huge load all over her back and hair. i collapsed backwards and put my hands onto my face.

the door cracked open, and there were many gasps.wat a sight. wat a night.

hope u enjoyed reading this!
 
D's said:
several years ago i was a sad pathetic lonly virgin like most of all of u people are.

It was after prom when I was still in Highschool. There was a party going down, and I was invited for once. I had put on my best shirt and jeans. spiked up my hair and wore my fresh j's, and i was very excited about this. best best friend warned me not to go but i ignored him because he's a loser.

I must've arrived to the party late because there was lots of people already shitfased outside the house. when i knockd on the front door, the host was happy to see me.

"ahahhahaha, oh wow. he actually came". the alpha-male jock type said to me. lots of people were laughing. and i was glad to see so many people were expicting me.

"Well drew, we prepared a special room for you in my closet, theres a drunk naked chick in there ready to bang who ever walks in, and your the lucky man!" he said as he put his arm over my shoulder, signaling someone to lock the door behind us.

"REALLY, I said. You were such a dick to me in middle school I'm suprised that you matured so much," "I said happily, i'm accepted by the cool kids".

"Yeah no problem bro, we are going to need for you to take off your cloths and get in there".

"Can I atleast take my cloths off once I get inside the closet" I didn't want to get naked infront of a bunch of people.

"sure, whatever. theres a bottle of vodka in there too, unless that bitch drank it all, heh" and with that he opend the closet door and shoved me inside. There was a clicking sound from the outside, it was then when I thought something bad was going to happen.

It was pitch black in there, All i could here was muffl'd gigglz* coming from the outside room, it died down suddenly.

"How ya doin drew", my jock friend askd me through the door.

"Not so good, I cant see anything, or hear anything, are you sure she's in here? i askd doubtfully.

I paused suddenly, my ears picked something up. i focused intensly on the sound. It was breathing, like really heavy breathing. it wasnt coming from me. what ever was making the noise must've been big, could it be a big dog? i wasnt sure.

''I'm not so sure about this anymore. I think I'm just going to head home''. I said and i reached for the door handle behind me. but my hand didn't reach a door handle. it crashd into something, something warm, and fleshy. what ever it was it was blocking my exit.

"What the hell are you, who the hell are you"? as I backed into the closet.
"...Drew, It's me Katie".

OH FUCK, Katie was the fattest girl in the school. not just chubby, and not just fat. I'm talking about as fat as they come. and she was naked, and i'm trapped in the closet with her.

"Lets have sex drew", I could smell the vodka on her breath. she stumbled towards me. though it was dark in this room, i could feel the room shake with ever step she took. and then she began to crush me with her fat.

"fuckfuckfuckfuck get the fuck off of me you whale"! NO I wont lose my virginity to you!" but it was no use. her fat hands were pulling down my jeans. while my hands were pinned under her weight.

In this darkness, and under this weight. in this moment of absoulte despair. my mind went to my happy place. yes i have a happy place, i go there to deal with tough times. there was a vague sense of a whale slobbering on my penis. but i was for the moment detached from my mortal shell.

in my happy place was my older brother. he was the coolest guy i knew when i was younger. unfortunately, he died a few years ago because of a cannabis overdose.

"hey lil bro whats going on?" his calm voise soothd me.

"i'm finally getting laid, but its from a whale, i'm pretty much getting raped. what should i do?"

"good question, remember when we were younger, and that really fat chick had a crush on you, she askd you out and you rejected her for being fat. she told you that you would die forever alone and sad."

"I remimber".

"well this is the chance to make up for the amends for the wrongs you commited". god is punishing you for being shallow if you have sex with this fat chick you will be forgiven. and then the sexy chicks will fallow.(lies!)

"that makes sense, you are very wise big brother, thank you".

"im just a figment of your imagination, the knowledge was yours all along, now go fuck a whale virgin loser."

and with that i was back in reality.

with my new sense of purpose, i was given temporay inhuman strength. I grab'd fat katies fat head by the back of her fat hair and began face fucking her fast. though she was suprised at first and choked, she soon fell to my rhythm, years of speed eating probaly traind her for this.

when i came, i came hard.i burning hot loaded of my man juice exited exploded out of my urethra and down fat katies throat. the reason why i call all body parts fat is to emphasise her fatness, i pulled out my cock to shoot the last squirt onto her eyeballs.

my cock still lusted for more. i rolld the fat bitch over and lifted up her fat ass to find her fat vagina, at this point of time i was no vagina finder expert.but it seemd pretty loose. she was probaly a lonely girl who spent many lonely fat nights shoving dildos into her lonely fat vagina and eating fatty foods.

I went to town on her, fucking with all my might. with all my strength. even though i had just came. my penis wasn't any softer. my erection was like steel.

she screamed in a fat womans ecstasy. soon i was screaming too, but screaming with passion. not pleasure. tonight, i had fallen into oblivion. i had reached an all time low for me. my mind was not my own. i whipped it out and sprayed a huge load all over her back and hair. i collapsed backwards and put my hands onto my face.

the door cracked open, and there were many gasps.wat a sight. wat a night.

hope u enjoyed reading this!
Click to expand...

lolwut
 
i lol'd.

ok so i'm at work last week, and abunch of mexicans work on the construction job site, and theres portipoties all over the place with spanish on the walls..

first thing that comes to mind is "El hombre con el sombrero nos envió, Él nos cuenta muchas historias asombrosas,Cenemos en tortugas esta noche!!"

(I wrote this on the porti poti wall which means..)
The man with the hat sent us..
He told us many amazing stories!
Tonight we dine on turtles!

the next day I checked it, and their were a dozen ???'s.

i get a lol everytime i see my story on the porti wall.. :)
 
OK
had a crazy ass night tonight.

around 5;00 my friends and i had the bright idea to do a lil storm chasing. the # of deaths caused by the storm cell we were chasing was already at 25 killed.
so this was it, since none of use do drugs here, we decided to go and have one of those adrenaline rushs, shit u get from bungie jumping, skydiving, base jumping, etc.
i live slap dam almost in the middle of alabama,
earlier today we all decided to do this as a team, so we all pilled up 6 deep in a bigass white work van with no back seats. just us, the driver, the person riding shotgun, and us 4 in the back.
nothing to hold onto except just the seatbelts. so about 5:00 we roll out, the tornado was inbetween tuscaloosa al, and birmingham al. like look at it on a fucking map.
we start driving towards the storm cell (the same one i talkd about it above).
we are about 10miles from the storm, not knowing how bad the weather is, the van drivers radio doesn't work. and no one here had a cellphone sept me, and a few others. since we all broke niggas we got like them cheap prepaid shits net10.
so i call my buddy thats in the basement with the other felelrs at the halfway house, to big of pussys to come with us.
he kept me informed where the storm was, and since i kno these fuckin woods like a damn wild woods man. for real
we are lost, i dunno man i thought that was another country road i knew. (trying to remember the way to this cowfield i went to because the storm cell was about 5min from it.)
so we are lost, and its pitch fucking black everywhere.
not raining, but lots of fucking lightning and thunder. so we listen, they saw u will hear a distinct "train" sound if theres a tornado close to u.
we listning to that, about a min later it started to fucking pour rain, like fucking ur driving in a wave. next thing we know it sounds like golfballs are hitting the roof of the van, and the windshield. the driver panicd and slamd on the breaks.
i knew something was up man, he went fucking stupid on me. i got into the drivers seat and started to go. i sorta knew where we were at. i had a feeling that we were in the middle of the fucking shit.
5 mins later i hear a loud ass whistle sound, the windows were sorta cracked, but you could hear that shit out in the darkness.
there it was the fucking tornado. ef fucking 5.

longstory shot, we all got back here in one piece, we got rattled and rolld, my buddy fuckd up his van. and we all have a clean living experience.

i'm ready to do this shit again, but this time i'd like to see it a little bit better. its a bitch on all these roads. trying to know where the fuck your going.
 
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