Stopping?

Maybe I need to stop/reduce my partying/amphetamine use (they go hand in hand, really). When I'm on them, I feel the happiest I have ever felt, the happiest I could feel. Dancing like crazy for hours, to my favourite songs, with my favourite DJs... I don't think there can be a better feeling. I actually think WOW I feel great, I have an awesome life, I'm super lucky, everything is going perfectly.

But fucckk, I'm always feeling it the next day. And then I get all depressed and like, my life is shit. And I just feel unmotivated and everything. YES I know this is a hangover and it's not new or anything. But it really sucks feeling this way!!!

Like I really don't know what I'd do if I stopped partying. I actually am happy 6/7 days of the week. My Monday-Friday 9-5 job is awesome, I do love it. Then I go out partying one night and have an awesome time then. Then that seventh day (usually the Sunday), I hate life. I'm unhappy and unmotivated and I just hate everything. But like, I can't give up partying, I really love it, it is the most fun I have all week. I'm in love with music and I listen to it ALL the time (except when I'm working or sleeping).

I know I'm just writing this cuz I'm feeling shitty and depressed, I know I'll be fine tomorrow, I'm not self medicating today and realizing how much I WANT to be. I just want to be back there... clubbing... feeling on top of the world... gah. I don't know what I'm looking for or what I want (well obviously more dopamine or whatever so I can feel normal). It's just impossible to explain this to most people I know and I think my boyfriend is slightly tired of me acting all blaaa (which I understand!). I'm just waiting for the next party... or to feel more normal at least!!!

 

Do you go clubbing sober at all? I know some of my best memories of raves were when I went sober. It's a different experience, but still can be a lot of fun! It might be a good idea to just cut back on the weekly use to like one time a month or something if you decide not to quit altogether. It just makes those experiences a little more special when they aren't happening on a regular basis and gives your mind/body a chance to rest.

 

I've tried clubbing sober... it doesn't work for me. I've tried. Mostly back when I did MDMA almost weekly, I'd try going sober once in a while. I hate it. I get tired. I love dancing for 10 hours straight, I certainly can't do that sober .
I'll probably just keep handling my hangovers with coke... as that seems to work for me