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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

step father doesn't take me seriously when i say i feel suicidal. just do it?

hey 420

hey man.. i cant comment too much on the suicide because luckily for me i havent been quite there but i definetly didnt care before and even hoped something bad would happen to me or someone i cared about.. i even used to drive around broke, needing money to survive(not for drugs) and wishing someone would crash into my car because i was going to run out of gas!! that was fucked up times.. what i can better comment on is the enviroment you are in.. not good for anyone. your step dad at least has issues, possibly just a fucking bastard, but you cant let that make you do negative things... you are in trouble with the law. this should be a sign that you are on the wrong track.. if people are involved in your business than its probably wide open.. but you are young and hopefully learning. being on conditions is good for someone that wants to make changes because it puts limits on what you can do and helps them make good decisions. if you arent ready then its obviously going to conflict with some of your activities.. the thing that sucks is you are on conditions in a hostile enviroment. i dont know what is going on with your mother, does she know how you feel? does she see how your step dad acts? a loving parents first instinct should be to protect their own so i dont understand what is wrong there, maybe i missed an important post..you should try and focus on what is important to you and just accept the things that other people do that is beyond your control, and protect yourself. help others if you can but dont try to be a hero..
 
I'm going through something similar, in the form of being unjustly encarcerated, losing my job of one dependable year over the affair, staying with my mother etc...

I'm a bit old and a bit more apt to deal with these things, I suppose... But I've been where you are many times.

You need to seriously take a look at the toxic things in your life, and start either cutting them out one by one, or find ways to deal with them constructively. I knew this is terribly hard to in your state of mind, but it can be done.

I've been in abusive relationship before, hell I was even stabbed with a fucking SCALPEL at one point. I didn't leave then, but I had to go through that to know how to deal with it in the future. People can be like drugs, they provide a false sense of security, dependence, etc.

My last relationship ended with me knowing at which point to cut my losses, in this case the woman became irate, started breaking shit in my apt. etc. Broke an expensive computer monitor, etc. I should have cut my losses, let it go at that.

Instead I got drunk and said some angry messages to her phone. Bad idea, was jailed for 3 days and awaiting repercussions for my action. I should have known better, but sometimes it's not always so clear (and had I known there existed a fucking LAW existing making saying one's own peace over a telecommunications line was class A misdemeanor I'd have never done it).

I hope you can find the courage to do what is best for you in these trying times. I'm here if you ever need to talk.

Much Love.
 
Well my other post got deleted, so all I really gotta say is I agree at least partially with your stepfather. I'm surprised he didn't report you for wrecking shit in the house, I would've.
<If your posts get deleted, it is for a reason. Please do not repeat the same comments as in your deleted post. It is not appropriate to post inflammatory comments such as these in The Dark Side. Thanks - n3o>
 
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is it possible?

Do you have any other options as far as where you stay. I think you said you were on a conditional release but maybe there is another family member or responsible adult that you could stay with. You need to be in as stable and safe enviroment as possible.
 
nuttynutskin said:
Well my other post got deleted, so all I really gotta say is I agree at least partially with your stepfather. I'm surprised he didn't report you for wrecking shit in the house, I would've.
<If your posts get deleted, it is for a reason. Please do not repeat the same comments as in your deleted post. It is not appropriate to post inflammatory comments such as these in The Dark Side. Thanks - n3o>
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I didn't repeat the same comments, I THOUGHT I took out the part that the mods didn't agree with. I'm just trying to tell it like I see it. But apparently I can't do that, so I give up with this one. He really either has 2 options, shape up and get through parole, or do something stupid and land his ass in jail. The stepfather isn't right for encouraging suicide, but if I was in his position with this kid destroying shit in the house I would report his ass quicker than a new york minute.
 
destroying shit in the house? you mean my hole ridden door? would you like a fucking picture of it?

I punched ONE NEW HOLE in the door that has over 9 fist holes in it and even a hole right through and through. I broke my OWN alarm clock. This door has been fucked since the first time i was kicked out at age 14. I even apologized and begged for forgiveness because i was so depressed the last thing i needed was an upset step father, but he didn't give a shit i felt bad.
 
nuttynutskin said:
I didn't repeat the same comments, I THOUGHT I took out the part that the mods didn't agree with. I'm just trying to tell it like I see it. But apparently I can't do that, so I give up with this one. He really either has 2 options, shape up and get through parole, or do something stupid and land his ass in jail. The stepfather isn't right for encouraging suicide, but if I was in his position with this kid destroying shit in the house I would report his ass quicker than a new york minute.
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Well the fact of the matter is that you're NOT in his stepfather's position, so it is futile to get up on your soapbox and rave about what you would do if you were him. It is not constructive.

If you don't have anything HELPFUL to say, don't say it.
 
gotta love when my mom is drunk and tries talking to me.. it's like talking to a wall. I say how dead i feel inside and that i wish i wasn't born and would have never had to deal with life at all. Then she goes on to try and relate with something totally irrelevant and then i just said 'you just don't get it' and left the room.

Then she comes downstairs and says 'you know what you're doing? all you are doing is trying to make me suffer!' and i said 'well get that selfish notion out of your head because i don't want to hear about you, you, you. I feel the way i do and i can't change it.' so then she got up and slapped me across the face while i was sitting in my chair.

So i got up, punched myself in the face as hard as i could multiple times over and over, and then punched the door again. She just walked away and called me selfish.

again, maybe i should just end my life if all i'm doing is 'making my mom suffer' and 'causing my step dad to lose sleep'. I'm just a burden on everyone. Even my brother is worrying about me now, great. (cuz my mom loves to gossip to everyone in the family circle). well i ended up cutting again. just below the previous ones (which still bleed occasionally i guess as there was blood on my boxers before i even made this new cut). maybe i should just slice the artery in my wrist. I doubt it would hurt that much. I could just pop 15mg of klonopin, lay in the bathtub, and just slice my wrist open. That seems like an imminent and effective way of death. I'd just close my eyes and think of everything i hate about myself. I get this uncontrollable happy feeling when i see the sight of my own blood. makes me feel like atleast i'm causing harm to the one person who deserves it.

I dunno where to get small helium canisters otherwise i'd just use the exit bag method. Or maybe od on seroquel and just fall asleep and never wake up. That seems like an easy way to go.
 
Just think....once you can get out of that hell hole...you can live without them...free. I know it might seem far away, and I don't know how old you are and whatever, but if you're legally an adult...I wouldn't still be there. I got out of my abusive mom's house literally the day I turned 18. Its been almost 3 years and I'm free....I don't even talk to her anymore. Just think about it. Those people won't always break you down.
 
Stay.Blazed I'm really sorry to hear about your mum's reaction. I can imagine it would be a really difficult thing for a mother to try and register, that her son, her baby boy, wants to end his own life. She is clearly troubled by this even though she is definitely not showing you any compassion, and I don't think she even realises that she is making your situation even worse. If she DID know that, I think she would behave differently. She doesn't WANT you to be miserable, but she is obviously going through her own problems which is causing her to not be able to look after you at the same time. I'm not excusing her behaviour though, she should be more supportive of you in your time of need.

Stay.Blazed.420 said:
maybe i should just slice the artery in my wrist. I doubt it would hurt that much. I could just pop 15mg of klonopin, lay in the bathtub, and just slice my wrist open. That seems like an imminent and effective way of death.
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Mate, please understand that suicide is not as quick and easy and as glamorous as movies would have you believe.
Dying from bleeding out from wrist wounds actually takes a really fuckin long time. You would be sitting/lying there for a good 40 minutes, very slowly bleeding out, during which time your survival instinct would kick in and you would change your mind and call an ambulance. Slitting your wrists is not a good option.

Stay.Blazed.420 said:
Or maybe od on seroquel and just fall asleep and never wake up. That seems like an easy way to go.
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Also, please don't let the movies make you believe that an overdose is an easy and painless way to die either, because it's not always the case. You could just get really really sick and spend hours vomiting mercilessly. There is a very real risk that you will overdose but not die, someone will find you and call an ambulance, you will live but suffer brain damage from lack of oxygen while you were overdosing and serious liver and/or kidney damage. So now you're still alive and you're a vegetable. Is it really worth the risk??

I just don't think it's an acceptable option for you to even consider, without having actually tried to get help. Have you thought any more about seeing a therapist? I know that it's hard to do it, because I've been there many times (having to see a new therapist). But don't you think you should at least give it a try before you give up on life altogether??
 
n3ophy7e said:
Well the fact of the matter is that you're NOT in his stepfather's position, so it is futile to get up on your soapbox and rave about what you would do if you were him. It is not constructive.

If you don't have anything HELPFUL to say, don't say it.
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How is it not constructive to tell him to get his act together? What would you rather say that he should continue to destroy stuff in the house and possibly do something to violate his probation and get thrown in the big house? 8) I'm very aware that I'm not in the stepfathe'rs position, but I'm not getting the idea that he's half as bad as Blazed is making him out to be.
 
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nuttynutskin said:
How is it not constructive to tell him to get his act together? What would you rather say that he should continue to destroy stuff in the house and possibly do something to violate his probation and get thrown in the big house? 8) I'm very aware that I'm not in the stepfathe'rs position, but I'm not getting the idea that he's half as bad as Blazed is making him out to be.
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I agree with you.

I am going to try and say this as nice as I can.
I can relate to how your stepfather is reacting.

Yes you are up on the criminal charges and what not but man just roll with the punches. It ain't that bad trust me.
And second, you got a girlfriend, can't you bunker up with her?

You see there is always options, theres options to everything you just gotta see them.

I think you are overreacting but I don't know rest of the stuff you keep bottled up.
Then the suicide part im not going to write anything about that more than this.

It can alwats be worse
There are kids having much worse days than you i know this because a relative of mine runs groups for kids that is growing up in "not so good" environments.
 
You don't think i know there's people worse off than me? people more mentally stronger than me? I've already accepted that i'm weak and that acceptance alone proves to me i'm not worthy.

@n3o: yes i saw my doctor today about seeing a therapist or a new psychiatrist and he got me a new appointment next tuesday and said it's okay to use more clone's than prescribed, and he also said he may put me on xanax.
 
my thoughts..

Not to judge but any person that encourages their stepson or anyone else to kill themselves must have their own problems and can't deal with yours properly. I wouldn't say he hates you, but he may, either way its his problem. If he loved your mother than he should have been the best man for her and you he can be.. this unfortunately may be the best he can do.. as for your mother im sure she must love you but even when she tries to talk to you she fails.. if you are aware enough to think she is selfish that is a start.. it may not be that simple but at least you aren't taking full responsibility. Know what you did wrong and try not to make the same mistakes and don't expect to be able to fix things by yourself, its going to take everyone to fix the family but you can work on yourself in the meantime so when they are ready so will you. Good luck 420.. keep talking to people and if possible get out of that toxic enviroment. If you don't have other responsible adults to live with maybe your p.o can help with that.
 
not true at all..

Stay.Blazed.420 said:
You don't think i know there's people worse off than me? people more mentally stronger than me? I've already accepted that i'm weak and that acceptance alone proves to me i'm not worthy.

@n3o: yes i saw my doctor today about seeing a therapist or a new psychiatrist and he got me a new appointment next tuesday and said it's okay to use more clone's than prescribed, and he also said he may put me on xanax.
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Man you have shared so little with us and we can tell already that you are dealing with so much.. maybe not dealing with them at your full potential but you haven't reached that yet but to just survive takes great strength, no matter how you do it. I think I am very strong mentally. But I couldn't imagine being in your situation and dealing with things any better than you have.. congratulations so far on that..
 
Stay.Blazed.420 said:
You don't think i know there's people worse off than me? people more mentally stronger than me? I've already accepted that i'm weak and that acceptance alone proves to me i'm not worthy.

@n3o: yes i saw my doctor today about seeing a therapist or a new psychiatrist and he got me a new appointment next tuesday and said it's okay to use more clone's than prescribed, and he also said he may put me on xanax.
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There you go, man!

It might not seem like much, but things are gradually getting better. Every little bit helps.

It's very important that if you don't get on well with the psychologist to find a new one asap. Nothing wrong with getting a second opinion, these things take patience which most people in your situation may temporarily lack, so don't give up!

You've already proved your strength by getting a referral to a counselor. Remember everyone has to crawl before they can walk. These baby steps are imperative to you getting back on your feet again. I was much like you at one point and now see how absurd it was to wish to take my own life. I'm now better equipped to handle this shit better.

I just spent 3 days in a county jail! I'm more optimistic than ever! Don't give up, and hopefully you'll be in a better situation in no time. This way you can avoid contact with those harming you, much like I have. I stopped talking to my father 3 years ago, when it became clear that his own selfishness and mental issues were causing me more harm than good. I hold no animosity towards him, however.
 
Stay.Blazed.420 said:
You don't think i know there's people worse off than me? people more mentally stronger than me? I've already accepted that i'm weak and that acceptance alone proves to me i'm not worthy.

@n3o: yes i saw my doctor today about seeing a therapist or a new psychiatrist and he got me a new appointment next tuesday and said it's okay to use more clone's than prescribed, and he also said he may put me on xanax.
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Its not about who is "stronger mentally" its about feeling sorry for yourself. If you keep at it then yes you are not going to get any better.
 
i feel sorry for..

Anyone who doesn't have at least one loving parent. Im not sure if 420 feels sorry for himself ,but im sure however he is feeling its not uncommon in situations like this one..
 
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