Starting where I left off?

[lman_15]

I'm over 13 months clean from a three year long opiate addiction. I'm debating doing some junk this weekend. My question is will I really start off where I left off right before I went to rehab? Cuz I know before I went I had zero control but there was a while when I wasn't giving every penny I had to the dope man. Anyways I don't wanna lose everything I've built up but I duno wanna get high so will I pick up where I left off if I get high once ?

 

[RedLeader]

It's a lose-lose because you will either pick up where you left off or you won't immediately, which will make you overconfident and want to repeat the occasional heroin use. One a month, once a week, twice a week, FUCKED.

The thing is that any strategy you think up about responsible, patterned use is done with a sober, clear, rational mind. But once your mind is affected by the drug, it's not even really the same mind doing the thinking. The plan does not just stick in the front of your head like you think it will.

 

[JulyBaby]

Yes.

I've been riding that roller coaster for 26 years, and I always pick right back up. Once even after 5 years without so much as a ciggy.

Leave it alone, unless you're ready to go that route again.

JMHO.

 

[caseface99]

It's a lose-lose because you will either pick up where you left off or you won't immediately, which will make you overconfident and want to repeat the occasional heroin use. One a month, once a week, twice a week, FUCKED.

The thing is that any strategy you think up about responsible, patterned use is done with a sober, clear, rational mind. But once your mind is affected by the drug, it's not even really the same mind doing the thinking. The plan does not just stick in the front of your head like you think it will.

^This.

My very serious advice would be to rethink this plan of yours lman. Truthfully, none of use can tell you with 100% certainty whether or not you will use one more time or pick up right where you left off. Though honestly in all likely hood you won't just use one more time. You may use once, then wait a couple weeks before using again. You may even use once a month for a while, but I can *almost* guarantee that you will eventually become fully dependent again. Statistically speaking this will not end well, period. The pathways in your brain that lead to cravings have not gone anywhere, they are still right where you left them and they will NEVER go away - those are permanent neural pathways. You probably aren't craving at all like you were when you first got clean, because the pathways can stop firing off over time - however using one time can kick start all of them right back up and lead to intense and frequent cravings again.

Honestly, I only know of a few people personally who ever used dope just once more time, after getting clean - and they only used one more time because they overdosed and died. Seriously, I'm not making that up. I'm not trying to be dramatic but this has been my experience. I have lost multiple friends to "one time" relapses who didn't survive the experience - I have also seen multiple people use "one more time" that are still out using daily months later. The odds are against you, and quite frankly this is a life or death matter. I sincerely hope you rethink using again, you're doing so great and there is no reason to roll the dice with your life like this, especially when the dice are loaded in favor of death and despair. It might be more beneficial for you to examine why it is you feel like you need to get high again.

Otherwise if your mind is made up, in the name of harm reduction I wanted to add to this that you should be extremely careful if/when you use. The smartest thing besides just not doing it, would be to do it with somebody else. Don't use alone, especially not on a relapse. Use TINY amounts until you get to where you want to be - you may not get that "rush" but you also have a MUCH higher chance of surviving the experience...

Please don't use, but again, if you do, PLEASE be careful. I don't wanna see you're name posted on the Bluelight shrine/and or never see you post again.


Just my two cents...

-Case

 

[Waynewood]

Iman, the question you have to ask yourself, is are you ready to be using again?? I don't think you will use tonight and by Monday be hustling and copping a gram every 2 days. I quit heroin in the summer of 2012 when I hiked the Appalachian trail, I used for 6 years before that and tried to quit numerous times. I moved back here to buffalo in march of 2013. In July of '13 I ran into a buddy and scored a bundle . I managed to only get high on the "weekends" sat and sun, intill September . I still don't use everyday, but the days I dnt, I get by with some subs or methadones. I'm just a redneck junkie and Don't know that much about nothing.. But 1 day will turn to 2. 2 will turn to 4. Etc etc... Again this is just my opinion based on my 7 year herion attraction and from what I know of my friends habits. Heroin is a tricky tricky lady , so just remember once in awhile doesn't happen to often once you've been a junkie.. Well I hope this helped some. And what ever you decide I wish ya the best of days!! Peace


WYne

 

[lman_15]

I'm still sober didn't pick up last night or nothing. I guess I'm just really fucking bored with life. I work out every other day, I work mon-fri, go to NA and AA meetings a couple times a week and see friends and got this girl I fuck occasionally but I just feel empty and this feeling has been there for time now and the craving to get high has been going on for two months and just won't fucking stop it's in the forefront of my mind when I wake up at work all fucking day it's insane

 

[caseface99]

Something is missing from your life, and trust me it's not drugs. I can't tell you exactly what, it's only something you can figure out yourself - I know thats vague but I guess a better point to make would be to consider which situation you will feel more empty and miserable in: The current situation, where you have potential to grow and become healthy - Or back to active addiction, hustling and shooting dope and withdrawing and fucking people over and losing everything you currently have.

Those are the two choices here, and I know sometimes neither option seems worth it but trust me only one of them ever has a chance at getting better. I hope you make the right choice.

And I'm glad you didn't pick up last night, by the way.