Starting on Methadone Again

[NeedHelpSA]

Hi

I have been using heroin maybe six years or so, i then got onto subutex and was injecting that for a bout 2years. Then about a year ago started running out of subs the whole time and fooled myself and got back onto heroin thinking it'll get me off the subutex. Well stupid mistake (obviously).

Now i have messed things up badly again, my mother is on her last legs trying to cope with me, i was arrested 3 weeks ago again for possession and luckily got out after a few days with just some community service. I live in South Africa (Johannesbrug). I have just finished my 3 month probation period in a new job and really dont want to lose everything again, my car is no more, etc etc, the job is all i have right now that i didn t lose.

I'm clean 1 day today, i've been taking methadone hoping to quit the H once and for all. I don't know why or what i'm really asking here, i'm just sort of needing a bit of help or support to know that i do actaully have a chance, because i get on the mehtadone for a day or evne 3 then back to the H, but this time i feel much more determined and reelly want to do it. I will be so happy if i can get say over a week clean off the heroin!

I am working a the moment so the methadone at least helps me getting the withdrawals.

Does anyone have experience stopping properly with methadone, what did you do etc? I can't use subutex / suboxone anymore it just doesnt seem to work and the last few times i've gone into heave Precipitated withdrawals.

Thanks,
Justin

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Justin and welcome to Bluelight. Nice work on pulling out of the tail spin.. Justy try and focus on the moment and keep doing the little things you need to to.. often if we focus on the bigger picture and the future it will make us nuts.. so just keep it simple sir and you will be able to transform your life into something peaceful and good. If you start trying to fix everything in a week it will make you nuts and drive use. Congratulations on getting on the methadone.. what else does your recovery plan consist of?

 

[deltakappamu]

Hi Justin... I have a very similar story to yours.. I am long term heroin user, except I have had several experiences with methadone.. I have been to every methadone clinic in my state (except one-I live in USA btw,) and I pretty much never took my methadone treatment seriously.. I use it more as a supplement to my addiction.. as in , I would go dose in the morning as to avoid withdrawals, and then figure out what to do with my day as far as getting money for dope. I never had a period where I was not using on top of my methadone, and when I got to a high enough dose of methadone and could not really feel the dope like I wanted, I began with the iv cocaine and benzos again. I kept getting kicked out of various methadone clinics for dirty benzo drops and each time they would do this inhumane "Administrative detox" where they dropped you 10mg a day until you were done. Needless to say, I always went back out on the dope full time until I could convince another clinic to take me in. In early 2009 I was in the worst year of my life.. my addiction had taken me places I never thought I would be.. jobless, homeless, and committing crazy crimes to get my dope. I ended up catching a case with a boyfriend of mine and doing 6 months on that charge. Of course they did not give methadone in jail, so I detoxed cold turkey from that, xanax and heroin all in one. Eye opening experience to say the least. The withdrawals from methadone lasted for months. Anyway, when I finally got out, I swore I would never get high again. I was enrolled in a drug court program which I successfully graduated from. I attended 12 step meetings and stayed clean for 2 years. Then I relapsed on heroin. I never thought I would be back in that position again. I stayed actively using heroin for about a year.. occasionally taking breaks using suboxone.. but I kept going back to heroin. This last time I have tried to kick several times, but kept going in to precipitated withdrawals, even though I was waiting HELLAS to dose my sub after last shot of dope. Then finally, I waited 36 hours and took a sub.. and it BARELY worked. I was panicking. I went thru hell. I came to these forums for pointers and support.. and that is what I got. Now today, I am still detoxing but I think I am finally starting to feel better and come out the other side. There are a few theories that the more times you switch from dope to subs, the harder it gets and less effective it seems to be. But anyway, I was just sharing my story with you. Congratulations on stopping dope and getting back on methadone. It sounds like you had a near miss with the law..that is super lucky and hopefully on methadone you can continue your new job and start your life over.

I do know that to be successful on methadone you will need more than just the medication. You will need an actually recovery plan, like NSA said. 12 step meetings aren't for everyone, but that is an option, so is individual therapy, or a 12 step alternative group. I would highly suggest getting involved in something OTHER than just the methadone.. because that was a mistake I definitely made and I could never successfully complete MMT.

Good luck to you, and we are here for you! Let us know how it goes!

 

[NeedHelpSA]

Thanks to both of you for the replies, and thanks to deltakappamu for sharing your story. I see we do have similar experiences.

In South Africa we don't have methadone clinics so like yesterday i went to the pharmacy to get my next lot of methadone but my mother had to sign responsibitly for it. I'm quite happy becasue its now my third day, in the past the most days i got was i think four, this is like in say the last year that i've been using again. So i'm quite happy that i don't have to go to clinic every morning to get my dose even though a little while ago the chemist did say thats what i must because they saw how much methadone i was actually taking but luckily they gave me another chance and said like if my parents will administer it they will allow it.

Anyway, with regards to a recovery plan, i do know that its not just as simple as putting down the drugs, taking methadone and getting over it. I have been many many times to NA and AA meetings but yes it wasn't really for me although i have been thinking that maybe i should attend becasue i know i do need some sort of program or something. Right now i'm just sort of focused on trying to make it to like 7 days and then cary on from there. So i haven't thought too far ahead yet because i keep on starting the methadone and then in a day or two or three i am back using so now i am just tyring to make sure that i can actually stay clean for more than a couple days.

I don't know if i've jumped around in my reply here and if iactually have much of a point haha, but i'm at work and just saw your guys replies so wanted to reply. I'm happy i'm on day 3 and just want to get through today and the weekend for now!

Thanks,
Justin

 

[deltakappamu]

Day 3 thats awesome! you can do it!

I used to think na/aa wasn't for me, but I went back because I was forced to do so.. and one day I started to listen and heard something I needed to hear. So I stayed. Each meeting is different; they are like people; they each have personalities. Don't judge na/aa off one meeting.. go to several, check em all out. I think that you have a bright future ahead.

You can do it! We are rooting for ya

 

[NeedHelpSA]

Thanks man I am also feeling positive and its nice to be able to come on here and report my progress!! Becasue obviously not many places we can say this sort of thing and express how happy we are to actually get like 3 days now. But yes i am thinking i will start to go to NA again a bit, maybe this weekend would be a good thing because i guess i need a bit of grounding and some suppport form like minded people...

So i think i will start to se what meeting(s) i can atttedn this weekend and take it from there.

Thanks!