• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Spark is gone, how can I get it back???

pofacedhoe said:
communication problems? lack of desire to do anything other than eat out. weed....?
Click to expand...

Its not that he only wants to eat out...I enjoy eating out too. Its that all the other things he likes to do are guy things(hunting, fishing, speakers, etc.) and I don't really enjoy them except for the fishing. He's not just a lazy pot head with the munchies. lol
 
vbskeeter said:
I have the same problem in reverse Heidi... I try and try but all she wants to do is sit on the couch and watch TV... I buy gifts, make suggestions, and most of all reassure her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world to me... Nothing gets her "ready" like she used to be all the time... Sad truth is that we got along better for the fifteen years we were not married. After marriage she went into a dormant stage. I fear a permanent one...
I miss her greatly. I miss passion. I miss great sex. I GUESS I JUST PLAIN MISS !!!
Click to expand...

Oh goodness...I've been kinda asking him about marriage lately and I'm scared that this will be how a marriage btwn us will be. He is supposed to stop smoking soon to look for a better job so I am hoping that things may get better. I wish you luck with your marriage. I always heard marriage was work I just never understood what it meant until now :\
 
Go the cesar Milan approach (pavlovian), a blow job reward system for desirable behaviour.

If things have been disengaged for 3 years, then I have to ask, how did you grind on for that long?
 
I love him very much. I deal with it because of that. I know he loves me, he's just not very good at expressing it. He's never been much of a romantic, I guess doing without it for so long I want to experience romance. I'm not totally unhappy in my relationship, it just feels a little too comfortable/unexciting.
 
missheidi said:
Oh goodness...I've been kinda asking him about marriage lately and I'm scared that this will be how a marriage btwn us will be. He is supposed to stop smoking soon to look for a better job so I am hoping that things may get better. I wish you luck with your marriage. I always heard marriage was work I just never understood what it meant until now :\
Click to expand...

I really don't think you should marry him, if you are seriously jonesing for some romance. I married a guy with 0 romance and it was fine at first, but I wanted to explode by the time I was 25 and I couldn't take it anymore. I never should have married him, but I was comfortable with him. He's a good guy like your guy. We were also together when I was really young like you guys.

Some people mature and others don't. Your interests evolve and you need more adult attention. It sounds like your guy is a bit like my ex. He loved me, but it was like being married to a 15 year old kid. When we were dating at 18, it was fine. He could not support me emotionally and he was similar to a 15 year old kid with some of the things he did. He loved me, but he was so awkward romantically that I couldn't stand it anymore. I'd still always help him if he ever needed it, and he supported me for a long time, but even 10 years later, I realize he was never going to be on my level romantically and I don't regret leaving him at all.

Interestingly, after I left him, I did have regrets about 6 months later. I asked him to come back, and all he said to me was "Are you going to change?" and at that point I realized that I had made the right decision. I had talked to him plenty of times about not being happy, and he ignored me because he thought I would never leave. I'm really glad he did not come back. The sad part about it all is that I have this weird sense of anger for him for not maturing. If you stick with this guy, 10 years from now, you might resent him and the love can turn into anger.
 
^^We do that every 2-3 months...we talk about our problems when coming down but it never really helps because we forget half of it by the next morning. It does help with the sex though=D
 
Maybe you're having too much MDMA?
Try taking half as much or something.
I have found that MDMA with my boyfriend has helped out relationship soooo much. We've never really had problems but it helps us talk about things so that the problems don't happen!
 
Well I'm kinda like your boyfriend (except the sexdrive thing, I have a mad sexdrive - only doesnt work when my gf put on too much weight or something), and about the expressing your feeling stuff, let me tell you: I think you'd have to live with it. Even if guys like us try to express them, we feel very uncomfortable with it. It's just the way those people are, but you can usually guess the emotions quite accurately if you know the person and his habits/behaviour.

You can try to find out why he's smoking so much weed. Really excessive drug use that has actual lasting effects on your mood is often just a mask for something. Maybe he had a problem all his life and found this helps him dull it. I know that well.

For the sex thing, you can always try the nonverbal proactive way - get on him, initiate, dont ask or tell anything, just get him going and be really horny. As if you are just gonna use him for sex. This works on me everytime I'm not in the mood, maybe he likes it too.
 
I think you guys are too enmeshed, like the OP saying she doesn't have friends and just wants to do everything with him. When you do everything together and you're together all the time you stop being exciting to each other. You have nothing new to tell each other. You start taking each other for granted and stop seeing each other with fresh eyes.

My advice? Get in touch with your old friends. Go clubbing one or two nights a month without him - he can look after the kid, and you can return the favour when he's off to do guys things with his friends. Make more friendships, take up a hobby, get in shape. I bet seeing you go out without him looking good and coming back late with stories to tell, pursuing your own interests and being happy and energetic and exciting is going to make him get off his ass quit the pot and get a better job. Just get a buzz back into your life and it'll feed back into your relationship. Don't let things stagnate! And stop fixating about what's wrong with the sex/dates/relationship stuff, just get of with your life and invest in you. And if this doesn't work at least you'll have some friends to support you if you do break up. It's not fair to expect your boyfriend to also play the part of your girlfriends...
 
the thing is, you both have to want to get the spark back... maybe he is happy with the way things have evolved... perhaps he quietly enjoys the relaxed maturity that has come to characterise the love you share. in which case, he will probably view your grievances as immature & demanding... good luck though, I do hope you're able to strike a happy medium that is fulfilling to each party in the present & with a view to growing older beside one another...
 
*UPDATE*
Over the last month things have gotten alot better, We took a vacation to florida and just spent time relaxing and talking. I told him exactly how his actions were making me feel. I think it kinda helped us to reconnect. He's been way more affectionate too, kissing, hugging, cuddling. We also have been spending less time together due to him working long hours so I think that kinda made him miss me, and realize how much he loves me. Sex has picked up too :) All together I am a pretty happy lady! Thanks for all your advice guys.
 
hello miss heidi, the one thing that always gets a man interested is dressing sexily. a nice short skirt, to show your legs off. a low cut top to show your cleavage off. also sexy underwear, suspenders, etc, if that dosen't get the spark back in your relationship, i don't know what will.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top