shroomster
Bluelighter
TL;DR : Neighbor was my hook up. Neighbor raided; I feel liberated and I pray to God he gets clean, too.
Hey guys,
I used to be pretty active on these boards. I was especially active the first few years of my join date (see avatar) because I was using everything under the sun and thought drugs were fascinating and using drugs essential. I've since changed, and long story short, I've been striving for sobriety for a while.
If you recognize my name / avatar it's because I was clean for a while and was moderately active on this subforum because I was joyful and grateful for sobriety. Then I used, came back, and was good for a pretty long while.
During my clean time, I developed a healthy habit for exercise. I'm very active in martial arts, namely BJJ, and I also lift weights very regularly. People know for me for being a health nut, unaware of my secret life and my past. Because of my active lifestyle, and assumedly my history with methamphetamine and partying for long bouts of time nonstop, I'm falling apart at a young age. Alongside a shit (once fantastic) immune system, I developed crippling pain in my lower back. So much so that I couldn't lift and couldn't fight, and I don't know about y'all, but when I'm into something, it becomes my identity. Drugs were my identity for so long, I find it difficult to separate myself from my hobbies.
My pain led to depression / confusion and desperation. I didn't necessarily want to get high regularly, but I did want relief. My neighbor was selling BTH, so I hit him up for a taste. INSTANT relief. Suddenly I could lift, I could fight, and I felt great. I felt 15 - limber, energized and pain free.
I have a long history of stimulant abuse. Meth was my shit. I did heroin off and on, but only because it was around. I could take it or leave it then, so I figured I was in the clear.
Long story short, over a few months, I developed a habit. What was once a week, become 3x a week, then most recently in the last month, nearly everyday. My habit isn't terrible compared to some of you. My worst is half gram per day, which is where I'm at right now. It doesn't get my high - just gets me through the day.
I'm honestly terrified because my sipply is running out and I just hope I have enough to get me through work for a few more days. I have a plan. I faulty one, but a plan. I have about a half gram left. I'm hoping to use half of that tomorrow, then the other half the next day, then I have a couple of days off work , when I'll detox. I know deep down that I'll feel sick for more than 2 days, but hopefully by the third, I'll be able to work and be okay.
I struggled to get clean, but it was impossible with my neighbor hitting me up, or me seeing him outside. I wanted him gone so badly. I wanted to move out of this complex just so I didn't have to face my addiction everyday.
Well, he got raided yesterday. I feel horrible for him. He's just like me - an addict. He wasn't some big time dude. He made money to get high and that was that. But honestly, it was probably the best thing for him. He'll hopefully get clean and see that there's more to life than chasing a high. He never left his apartment, except to eat or score. People came to him and he was complacent in his tiny life.
And me? I'm looking forward to detoxing and moving forward. I have a life and I knew I couldn't keep it if I was to continue on this path. I'm tired of being and sick all the time and I grew very tired of bring so close to temptation.
I'm very confident that after detoxing at home (I have lupe, muscle relaxers, nyquil), and getting my energy back (this is the most difficult part for me. I feel extremely weak without heroin now. I'm quite muscular and lean. I don't look like a drug addict at all, yet without black, I feel like I can't lift a piece of paper), that I'll stay clean. I haven't copped, or gone out of my way for drugs in a long time and I'm not about to start doing that. I don't know where to look, anyway, and I literally know NO ONE else that uses that shit. Everyone I'm close with has an active, healthy lifestyle. Thank god for the raid. I thank God for this blessing. Again, I feel terrible for my dude; the consequences will be extremely harsh, but I pray to God he gets and stays clean. I can't imagine what he's going to go through. He had a horrible habit and he will be detoxing in a tiny, cold, overcrowded cell. As for his charges, I hope they're dropped, honestly, because he was just trying to get high and stay high. He wasn't trying to become a drug lord. Unfortunately, he did put other people's lives at risk, but I doubt he had more on him than a ball. He could probably get away with personal use, unless his scales automatically implicate him in sales. He was an idiot about it, though, and had traffic in and out of his place all day everyday
Hey guys,
I used to be pretty active on these boards. I was especially active the first few years of my join date (see avatar) because I was using everything under the sun and thought drugs were fascinating and using drugs essential. I've since changed, and long story short, I've been striving for sobriety for a while.
If you recognize my name / avatar it's because I was clean for a while and was moderately active on this subforum because I was joyful and grateful for sobriety. Then I used, came back, and was good for a pretty long while.
During my clean time, I developed a healthy habit for exercise. I'm very active in martial arts, namely BJJ, and I also lift weights very regularly. People know for me for being a health nut, unaware of my secret life and my past. Because of my active lifestyle, and assumedly my history with methamphetamine and partying for long bouts of time nonstop, I'm falling apart at a young age. Alongside a shit (once fantastic) immune system, I developed crippling pain in my lower back. So much so that I couldn't lift and couldn't fight, and I don't know about y'all, but when I'm into something, it becomes my identity. Drugs were my identity for so long, I find it difficult to separate myself from my hobbies.
My pain led to depression / confusion and desperation. I didn't necessarily want to get high regularly, but I did want relief. My neighbor was selling BTH, so I hit him up for a taste. INSTANT relief. Suddenly I could lift, I could fight, and I felt great. I felt 15 - limber, energized and pain free.
I have a long history of stimulant abuse. Meth was my shit. I did heroin off and on, but only because it was around. I could take it or leave it then, so I figured I was in the clear.
Long story short, over a few months, I developed a habit. What was once a week, become 3x a week, then most recently in the last month, nearly everyday. My habit isn't terrible compared to some of you. My worst is half gram per day, which is where I'm at right now. It doesn't get my high - just gets me through the day.
I'm honestly terrified because my sipply is running out and I just hope I have enough to get me through work for a few more days. I have a plan. I faulty one, but a plan. I have about a half gram left. I'm hoping to use half of that tomorrow, then the other half the next day, then I have a couple of days off work , when I'll detox. I know deep down that I'll feel sick for more than 2 days, but hopefully by the third, I'll be able to work and be okay.
I struggled to get clean, but it was impossible with my neighbor hitting me up, or me seeing him outside. I wanted him gone so badly. I wanted to move out of this complex just so I didn't have to face my addiction everyday.
Well, he got raided yesterday. I feel horrible for him. He's just like me - an addict. He wasn't some big time dude. He made money to get high and that was that. But honestly, it was probably the best thing for him. He'll hopefully get clean and see that there's more to life than chasing a high. He never left his apartment, except to eat or score. People came to him and he was complacent in his tiny life.
And me? I'm looking forward to detoxing and moving forward. I have a life and I knew I couldn't keep it if I was to continue on this path. I'm tired of being and sick all the time and I grew very tired of bring so close to temptation.
I'm very confident that after detoxing at home (I have lupe, muscle relaxers, nyquil), and getting my energy back (this is the most difficult part for me. I feel extremely weak without heroin now. I'm quite muscular and lean. I don't look like a drug addict at all, yet without black, I feel like I can't lift a piece of paper), that I'll stay clean. I haven't copped, or gone out of my way for drugs in a long time and I'm not about to start doing that. I don't know where to look, anyway, and I literally know NO ONE else that uses that shit. Everyone I'm close with has an active, healthy lifestyle. Thank god for the raid. I thank God for this blessing. Again, I feel terrible for my dude; the consequences will be extremely harsh, but I pray to God he gets and stays clean. I can't imagine what he's going to go through. He had a horrible habit and he will be detoxing in a tiny, cold, overcrowded cell. As for his charges, I hope they're dropped, honestly, because he was just trying to get high and stay high. He wasn't trying to become a drug lord. Unfortunately, he did put other people's lives at risk, but I doubt he had more on him than a ball. He could probably get away with personal use, unless his scales automatically implicate him in sales. He was an idiot about it, though, and had traffic in and out of his place all day everyday
