Something I’ve learned

[SinfulbyNature]

We teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate. Through dealing with my ex and his family I learned that lot of people don’t really appreciate kindness. They only recognize boundaries and consequences. They mistake restraint as weakness and perceive grace as permission. The more they get by with crossing the line without facing consequences the more ok they become about crossing the next one. This leads to someone’s kindness getting exploited. This is very depleting. Constantly accommodating someone who doesn’t reciprocate with respect can produce resentment…exhaustion and eventually emotional shutdown. It’s an imbalance. One person gives…forgives…understands and accommodates while the other person just keeps taking and exploiting them. The exploiter becomes entitled and feels validated because there’s little resistance. The kind person starts doubting themselves. They become convinced that they’re the problem when the real issue is that they’ve just been conditioned to tolerate too much.

But kindness is NOT a weakness. Forgiveness is NOT permission. And having a good heart doesn’t require having no boundaries. Actually boundaries are healthy.

Someone who genuinely respects you will generally respond to a reasonable boundary by adjusting their behavior. But someone who was just trying to benefit from your lack of boundaries will probably just respond with anger…accusations or attempts to make you feel wrong for just trying to protect yourself.

One of the hardest lessons I’m still trying to learn in life is how to remain compassionate without getting exploited. But it’s a necessary skill that we all have to acquire. We shouldn’t have to become hard hearted just so we can become harder to take advantage of.

 

[RedRum OG]

One of the most helpful things you can do for the world as a giving person is to figure out how to not waste that great power on black holes, as you said. Been there. Still there sometimes.

If someone wants to take from you, it means you have something valuable worth having. There are masses of hungry, empty narcissists without the slightest flicker of inner light out hunting those who do. Lucky for the rest of us, there are always more fish in the sea, and some very special ones hidden here and there

Wish you better luck in the future.

 

[aokorn]

I’d say that, generally speaking, there are two types of people.

One type wants to do everything right. By “right,” I mean being friendly, avoiding conflicts, communicating in a friendly way, mediating, wanting to do good… and so on.

The other type takes things as they are and acts accordingly—not necessarily in a friendly way. Their range of communication is broad—much broader than that of the first group.

This raises the question of what is “right.” I mean “right” in a human sense.

Personally, when faced with such questions, I often find myself comparing humans to animals. What distinguishes a human from an animal? Doesn’t a human act more thoughtfully? Whereas an animal reacts immediately, on the “first impulse.”

Is a person who asks themselves these questions a bit “above it all”?

SinfulbyNature asks questions that are very relevant today. Especially given the internet, where everyone can write (and think?) whatever they like. I, too, often ask myself such questions. Even daily. Even in my interactions with those closest to me (without exception).

Life really is a challenge.

But I think that once you’re clear with yourself—about what you want to achieve in life, once you understand your own past actions (which is probably the hardest part...)—then you act as the situation demands. Not necessarily like a “pure” human being, but sometimes in a way that’s appropriate even for an “unfriendly” person. So you can also be unfriendly while still retaining a hint of humanity.

It’s a difficult topic. But a relevant one.

I hope this discussion continues here.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

One of the hardest lessons I’m still trying to learn in life is how to remain compassionate without getting exploited. But it’s a necessary skill that we all have to acquire. We shouldn’t have to become hard hearted just so we can become harder to take advantage of.

In my humble opinion I've learned to take care myself first and foremost. In a society where we are taught not to put ourselves first because that is considered vain or self-serving. The truth you must love yourself, take care of yourself, put yourself ahead of everyone else in order to give back. The notion of putting other people ahead of you and your own needs is a fallacy of the bible. It is false and it is wrong to assume you must sacrifice yourself for other people.
If you don't love yourself how can you give that what you do not know?

 

[aokorn]

When you consider that these other people are human beings just like me, you have to assume that they experience similar processes (thoughts) as I do.

Why should I be anything special and think that I’m better than anyone else?

Even if they’re worse off (or better off) than I am?

We should keep in mind that we don’t all have—or have had—the same circumstances.

But mentally, things actually work much the same way as they do for me.

So if we start from this point, we can see that while our circumstances may differ, we all think the same way—even if it doesn’t look that way on the surface.

Once you know that, things don’t seem quite so complicated.
Basically, we’re all the same.

 

[SinfulbyNature]

Gosh I love everything each of you are saying and I wanna read each one and respond accordingly cause I LOVE feedback like this.

You can learn so much from discussions like this. This kinda feedback can help you learn so much more even about yourself. It can help you spot the bias in your own mindset and help you correct and create a better healthier perspective.

I’m gonna get back to yall because I really value yalls input and it’s important to me that we all feel heard.