Yunai
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2024
- Messages
- 143
I don‘t even know how to start this, I don‘t want to go into way too much detail. Mental pain rn is reaallyy bad.
So, as some of you who know me already know KayKay, my only ever (most beautiful and perfect) girlfriend I ever had who left me almost 3 years ago with the worst breakup imaginable etc, I never got to speak her again and most likely never will. Despite me definitely being 100% at fault for everything. I ruined everything. I hurt her so much, which hurt me the most. I take full accountability and it was solely my fault. Back then when it went down the drain, I got cut off the super close friend group that I was the heart of. These other people were super good friends to me too and they mattered to me a lot.
I was able to salvage the friendship of about half of that group, with one other girl specifically that was a very good friend of mine. She gave me, like 1.5 years ago, a chance to talk, i told her how sorry I was, it was a long talk but extremely positive like I wouldn’t ever expected that conversation to be that good. Even she told me that she genuinely appreciated it a lot. Afterwards, despite we not doing the things we did in the friend group like before anymore, she forgave me, unblocked me everywhere even followed me on Insta and I followed her back on Instagram as well. We had some occasional conversation in chat after that at least but the “bad blood” being gone was the most important.
So, today, out of nowhere, nothing happened at all, I sit in class Uni right now and I see her whatsapp profile pic is gone, there is no status and nothing left (looks like she blocked me) and I didn’t see that she “changed number” or so and that number is also still in the big Uni WhatsApp group. I can’t fully rule out she changed her number or maybe just deleted profile pic/status but it genuinely does look like I was blocked again.
Out of nowhere. There wasn’t anything that could explain it. She still follow me on IG and stuff. I wonder if i post another story (which i rarely do) if she’ll remove there too again. I will not post nothing on IG for a while now but anyway.
It hurts so bad. That person was also quite important to me. If I ever wanted to let KayKay know how sorry I am the only way to do that would be to ask her if she can give her an apology letter from me. Honestly, I already fully gave up on that KayKay will ever even just be a shallow friend of mine again (apart from my feelings, KayKay was my best friend at the time for quite a while and she trusted me so much, it hurts I ruined that too, I hurt her so much and it was solely my fault…) but these 1000 million tons of regrets on my shoulders would be lifted, at least a little bit, if I could at least let her know somehow how sorry I truly am, for everything.
Thank god my shtty mum ain’t home today, we had a big fight 2 weeks ago in which she told me to write that other girl, that blocked me today, some really terrible manipulating things, that I would never do, my mum is super strange sometimes but that hurt me genuinely and we argued bad like 2 weeks ago. I can’t believe, i didn’t do anything, yet still what my mum told me came true - she told me to send that person a message “just block me” (which is super weird and I’d never do that bc that person is important to me, even fully apart from the KayKay situation). Again, my mum sometimes is weird, doesn’t understand me one bit. Etc. i wonder if even here someone, even if it’s just one person understands me?
So yea i sit through the super horrible pain at Uni rn. Then I gotta drive home, I hope I ain’t crash, i lowkey thinking bout it but I have an incentive to go home. I have 450mg Morphine HCL 24hER pills at home. Since she ain’t home I can just do what I wrote in my In depth Boofing Guide and shoot up. I can’t wait. It hurts horrible.
Will let you know how the effects kick in, haven’t shot up rectally in 2 weeks so it probably hopefully kick in good. Will keep you posted. Don’t worry that is my standard dose (take the guide i linked as a reference).
ps DO NOT do 450mg like me i just have a year long super high tolerance
——>
Okay just shot up. I get better and better with crushing, finer and finer powder, technique also better. I think was the best crushed and evenly mixed with water I did so far, the syringe didn’t clog at all so I could get everything in and also in one go! I made a mistake though. Bc I knew I only had one shot I wanted to make sure I insert it deep enough ! MISTAKE! Look at my guide. You should insert just between 1-2cm or an inch at most. If you feel “water touching your skin” type feeling you hit the right spot. I didn’t feel that feeling so I knew I was off, bc I inserted it about 2 inches (too deep!) I immediately sat up to let gravity take the water down to just behind the sphincter where the anal column veins are that you want to hit. Because of that reason I didn’t feel the rush but I am t+25min now and thankfully the warmth slowly comes in now, pain is much better and when looking in the mirror my pupils are also tiny so the Morphine slowly gets to my brain. I hope the peak after t+1-2 hours will be good. I also feel comfortable itching so it still works but I messed it up by inserting to deep. (Fck
) i’ll let you know in an edit or so how it is after an hour or two. Sucks I lost a decent amount of effects by inserting it too deep.
Also I put this under The Dark Side because I shot up solely because the anguish was unbearable but probably maybe I should’ve put it under the opioids flare in the other…. Not sure.
You’ll hear from me soon.
Peace
So, as some of you who know me already know KayKay, my only ever (most beautiful and perfect) girlfriend I ever had who left me almost 3 years ago with the worst breakup imaginable etc, I never got to speak her again and most likely never will. Despite me definitely being 100% at fault for everything. I ruined everything. I hurt her so much, which hurt me the most. I take full accountability and it was solely my fault. Back then when it went down the drain, I got cut off the super close friend group that I was the heart of. These other people were super good friends to me too and they mattered to me a lot.
I was able to salvage the friendship of about half of that group, with one other girl specifically that was a very good friend of mine. She gave me, like 1.5 years ago, a chance to talk, i told her how sorry I was, it was a long talk but extremely positive like I wouldn’t ever expected that conversation to be that good. Even she told me that she genuinely appreciated it a lot. Afterwards, despite we not doing the things we did in the friend group like before anymore, she forgave me, unblocked me everywhere even followed me on Insta and I followed her back on Instagram as well. We had some occasional conversation in chat after that at least but the “bad blood” being gone was the most important.
So, today, out of nowhere, nothing happened at all, I sit in class Uni right now and I see her whatsapp profile pic is gone, there is no status and nothing left (looks like she blocked me) and I didn’t see that she “changed number” or so and that number is also still in the big Uni WhatsApp group. I can’t fully rule out she changed her number or maybe just deleted profile pic/status but it genuinely does look like I was blocked again.
Out of nowhere. There wasn’t anything that could explain it. She still follow me on IG and stuff. I wonder if i post another story (which i rarely do) if she’ll remove there too again. I will not post nothing on IG for a while now but anyway.
It hurts so bad. That person was also quite important to me. If I ever wanted to let KayKay know how sorry I am the only way to do that would be to ask her if she can give her an apology letter from me. Honestly, I already fully gave up on that KayKay will ever even just be a shallow friend of mine again (apart from my feelings, KayKay was my best friend at the time for quite a while and she trusted me so much, it hurts I ruined that too, I hurt her so much and it was solely my fault…) but these 1000 million tons of regrets on my shoulders would be lifted, at least a little bit, if I could at least let her know somehow how sorry I truly am, for everything.
Thank god my shtty mum ain’t home today, we had a big fight 2 weeks ago in which she told me to write that other girl, that blocked me today, some really terrible manipulating things, that I would never do, my mum is super strange sometimes but that hurt me genuinely and we argued bad like 2 weeks ago. I can’t believe, i didn’t do anything, yet still what my mum told me came true - she told me to send that person a message “just block me” (which is super weird and I’d never do that bc that person is important to me, even fully apart from the KayKay situation). Again, my mum sometimes is weird, doesn’t understand me one bit. Etc. i wonder if even here someone, even if it’s just one person understands me?
So yea i sit through the super horrible pain at Uni rn. Then I gotta drive home, I hope I ain’t crash, i lowkey thinking bout it but I have an incentive to go home. I have 450mg Morphine HCL 24hER pills at home. Since she ain’t home I can just do what I wrote in my In depth Boofing Guide and shoot up. I can’t wait. It hurts horrible.
Will let you know how the effects kick in, haven’t shot up rectally in 2 weeks so it probably hopefully kick in good. Will keep you posted. Don’t worry that is my standard dose (take the guide i linked as a reference).
ps DO NOT do 450mg like me i just have a year long super high tolerance
——>
Okay just shot up. I get better and better with crushing, finer and finer powder, technique also better. I think was the best crushed and evenly mixed with water I did so far, the syringe didn’t clog at all so I could get everything in and also in one go! I made a mistake though. Bc I knew I only had one shot I wanted to make sure I insert it deep enough ! MISTAKE! Look at my guide. You should insert just between 1-2cm or an inch at most. If you feel “water touching your skin” type feeling you hit the right spot. I didn’t feel that feeling so I knew I was off, bc I inserted it about 2 inches (too deep!) I immediately sat up to let gravity take the water down to just behind the sphincter where the anal column veins are that you want to hit. Because of that reason I didn’t feel the rush but I am t+25min now and thankfully the warmth slowly comes in now, pain is much better and when looking in the mirror my pupils are also tiny so the Morphine slowly gets to my brain. I hope the peak after t+1-2 hours will be good. I also feel comfortable itching so it still works but I messed it up by inserting to deep. (Fck
) i’ll let you know in an edit or so how it is after an hour or two. Sucks I lost a decent amount of effects by inserting it too deep. Also I put this under The Dark Side because I shot up solely because the anguish was unbearable but probably maybe I should’ve put it under the opioids flare in the other…. Not sure.
You’ll hear from me soon.
Peace
