Some shit I wrote. Check it.

[Khadijah]

Its been so long since I felt the sweet
Surrender in between a nod
& the final sleep...

Jus below the surface
Restin down below the waves
Starin up into the world a million miles away

Almost stoppin breathing
So heavy in my chest
Slower & then slower
Til I can barely feel my breath

Pushin it so close
One toe over the line
Halfway in between under the ground and in the sky....

 

[-Guido-]

Deep. Beautiful.

 

[pennywise]

kewl. sounds like a song.

 

[lolitsjohn]

interesting near-rhymes

 

[realm]

damn i like this. especially the ending.

Pushin it so close
One toe over the line
Halfway in between under the ground and in the sky....

tight work lacey. i look forward to more.

 

[anonymous1419]

That's awesome.
The last verse is really well written.

 

[Khadijah]

thanks for the replies yall. Yea, i aint a writer or nothin. I jus put what im feelin onto paper sometimes. When it comes to writin i rather get the feeling across than make the words themself correct or beautiful, ya feel me. its jus about workin that shit outta my head and bringin it to life from whats in my heart at the time. So I kno it rhymes like a 3rd graders poem, but it dont matter to me, I jus wanted to get somethin raw out. Im glad yall liked it.

 

[chicpoena]

I like it a lot. You captured the experience of nodding really well

 

[Damien]

If heroin ever became legal I'll bet you could get a job in advertising.

 

[kytnism]

i love it lacey.

the words remind me of standing on a cliff edge and leaning slightly forward, holding your arms out wide throwing caution to the wind and being content to drift either way. only to be blown back into reality.

simply beautiful

...kytnism...

 

[supertrav77]

I think it would work better if it were accompanied by an interpretive dance.