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Sobriety and staying satisfied

shroomster

shroomster

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 15, 2002
Messages
1,058
Location
Los Angeles, nukka.
Hello Bluelight,

It's been quite a while since I've had the luxury of browsing through the forums of bluelight, but I'm more than happy to be back.. Eight months ago and some change, I was admitted to a chemical abuse treatment center in Los Angeles, California for opiate and cocaine abuse. With my bags in hand, my cognition drifting towards oblivian and my body failing me, I was on my knees. Although it certainly was not my first trip to rehab, and was not my last time using, something inexplicable had happened; the white flag was raised; I had surrendered.

It would be futile to attempt to begin to describe the endeavor, or the struggle in which was necessary to complete the program (needless to say, I DID relapse during my stay...twice), but I can sincerely say, with confidence, that it was all very much worth the effort. Completion of any treatment program, in any treatment facility, despite expenses, or quality, is dispensable in regards to any amount of sobriety. I'm attempting to work some sort of 12 step program to keep myself from picking up and, once again, sabotoging any sort of progress I've made so far.

So here I am...sober. Now what? In my free time, I try to adhere to the hobbies I thought I had, or spend time with my parents as often as possible (I'm still surprised that bridge hasn't burned), maintain physical health, and relax when given the opportunity.

It's been 15 days out of rehab, and 14 in the half way house, and already the oh so familiar, volatile estrangement is beginning to fester. I don't understand; my schedule is filled, my free time limited and yet...I'm lonely, uncomfortable and frightened.

I promised myself I wouldn't pick up no matter what. This is the last house on the block. After this...Homeless.

How do I stay satisfied?
 
Well, I haven't had much experience with this at all since I was 11 years old, but I if I remember correctly it involved regular daily masturbation, television, and... did I mention masturbation?
 
When we get engaged in an activity to which we dedicate all our attention and concentration to - that is called "flow". You need to get yourself an activity in which you can flow and be totally carefree when you do it.

Once you find that activity and you start to flow in it, then you will have found yourself something to keep you satisfied. It took me about two and a half years to figure out what that activity was for me, and now I only coast and flow... it's that easy.
 
psychedelicious said:
I haven't found anything excepting human connection. I either am emoting with another or am emoting with a drug.
Click to expand...

Yeap, I need someone behind/beside me as well.
 
i like

music
politics
discussing and debating (politics) those things
shows
parties (i drink in relative moderation pcp soooometimes.)
reading
watching movies
manipulating heavy objects
 
Hang in thier Shroomster

Hi Just remember the most important thing in your life right now is not to relapse! Don't worry about your free time, eveything will fall back into place, the important thing is so get healthy and strong, eat sleep & when you can get some excercise, eat well that is lots of fruit pomagrantes, oatmeal grapefruit. Remember it is a terrible addiction you are fighting and winning. Promise yourself you will never be addicted again in your life because it is hell addiction is evil & when you feel better get a job. & get on with yor life:)
shroomster said:
I guess I'm just having trouble finding my niche.
Click to expand...
 
I used to consider myself a pretty hardcore gamer and world of warcraft does NOTHING for me. . I don't understand the draw to it at all. . give me a real RPG, or a more interactive multiplayer game. . . anything but the watered down shite that is MMORPGs

Finding your niche is hard, I'm trying to do it now too and its difficult - just make sure you try lots of things so you dont miss what you might like!
 
i quit everything on sunday..and i totally feel what ur feelin man..

its hard to do anything with my old friends while staying further than an arms length away from all the drugs and such..

lets see, masturbation is wonderful :p
television, i go to meetings to be with other sober people, sometimes out to eat with them afterwards...

work, and keep my mind focused on the goal.. other than that if you find anything else lemme know, im just as eager to learn as you are, it would be awesome to keep in touch with you through PMs... pm me if you wanna talk further.. and the offer stands with any other people that wanna talk and keep my eye out of intoxication
 
i just wanted to say congratulations on staying clean and well done on making it through rehab - that's a great effort and it's clear you want to stay on track. i myself am (basically 8) ) clean as of april 13th '06 and i'm still trying to figure out how to get more satisfaction out of life without resorting to drugs. you and me are still in early days dude, try not to stress because life isn't providing you 'enough', it will come. i like to look back over my sobriety time and think about where i would be right now if i had been using during that time. quite a sobering thought for me.
 
shroomster said:
So here I am...sober. Now what? In my free time, I try to adhere to the hobbies I thought I had, or spend time with my parents as often as possible (I'm still surprised that bridge hasn't burned), maintain physical health, and relax when given the opportunity.
Click to expand...

it sounds like you're doing a lot of things right already. congratulations on making it this far. i completely understand what you mean about having a hard time staying satisfied while leading the sober lifestyle. i've never been to rehab, but my guess is that a fair amount of your time is occupied for you as you progress through the program... out in the light of regular old life, things aren't always that easy and we have to find more creative ways to distract ourselves.

"finding your niche" in this situation can really be tough. if you've developed a habit of indulging in a certain substance regularly, when you take away that substance there is a noticeable void that is left. as a result, you have to find something else that replaces the substance. this is easier said than done of course, and i think it's pretty normal to feel kind of lackluster about a lot of your replacement strategies, especially at first. it's natural to feel uncomfortable and frightened as you make the transition into lasting sobriety, so try not to get discouraged if you find yourself feeling this way. it took time for you to develop the unhealthy habits, so it's going to take time to fully substitute positive habits. along the way, it is most certainly going to suck at times. you just have to remember that the shitty feelings aren't going to last forever, and that if you push through you will be rewarded in a much more permanent way than if you give up.

i haven't gotten into much detail about it on bluelight, but i stopped drinking a little over 6 months ago. i find that the cravings to get drunk come and go in waves, and that they become less and less insistent as more time passes. identifying these patterns has given me perspective; it allows me to resist the urge to drink when it comes because i know from experience that it will pass. for the most part, the more i stay on track, the easier it gets to do so.

just as you grew accustomed to a life with cocaine and opiates, you will grow accustomed to a life without them... and hopefully with something more healthy and real and full in their place. it's going to be weird at first though, and i know in my case pursuing some of the hobbies i've picked up can feel kind of "forced". i could rattle off a list of diversions for you, but i don't think it would do much good. they are all going to feel equally awkward at first because none of them are cocaine and/or opiates. i'm convinced this is just a side effect of trying to unlearn a bad behavior. there is no magic hobby that will instantly mute the little voice that pulls you towards your old habits. it takes time and effort.

this transition period is the hardest part, but it can't last forever. i think you should keep doing exactly what you're doing: filling your schedule with other activities and reminding yourself of what you stand to gain by staying clean. keep posting here if venting helps you. it does get easier. good luck, and again, props to you for making it this far.
 
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