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So where do i go from here

J

jake99

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Jan 29, 2009
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So ive been in this program for over a week now...........its a "working therapeutic community type thing" I was at rehab for 28 days before this. Now i am in vermont and im from new jersey. I am pretty miserable being away from all my friends and family but my father is telling me stay here months and move here and im really not happy about it........i am 29 and unfortunatly still realy on him for money so he has power over me in a way........so i can stay here in a program where all you do is work all day and get no real help or i can try to get a 10 hr train ride home to my grandmom and moms which would suck since my dad has my car and key to all my clothes in storage and he might not give them back. i have barely any clothes here or my music or laptop which everyone else here has so im real uncomfortable..........real depresseed and anxious. they give me .25 mg klonopin 3 times a day and .5 at night but i used to be on 1 mg 3 times a day .............
 
Stay there and actually do the work to complete the program. Maybe then you will become more self-sufficient and not have to rely on parents money.

Or...leave early and disappoint your family and eventually regret that choice yet again. Perhaps your dad will say " enough is enough Im done enabling my 29 year old heroin addicted son , if he wants to live the life of a junky then he'll have to hustle up his own money like the rest of them do by their selves on the streets with no more support from me". And it dont sound like you will make it too far on the streets fending for yourself judging from your posts on here you're a very co-dependent person.

For me, the choice is obvious... unless you wanna still be addicted to heroin going into your 40's and up as well and never really living a good life. GL
 
If you want to go back to NJ, you should make sure that you want to go back for all of the right reasons. It's probably harder to be away since this is right after a 28-day rehab, but I would say try to make the best of it. It will likely better your relationship with your family in the end, and if you go home now, that doesn't seem like that will happen.
 
I can not see doing 4 months of this crap day after day ......................it is a waste of time and money . it isnt helping me recover at all. all you do is work all day , and im so homesick
 
this will make you a stronger person. stay there finish your commitment. i live in a town without friends or family. i am totally alone. but i know that its better for me to be here than to be somewhere i man not be able to stay in control.
 
man you have " i wanna get high" written all over you no offense.... I'm telling you this because i been there and i know how you feel.... That shit sux bro... buts so necessary to get your head straight and past all those shitty cravings and paws

I would seroiusly re assess your whole situation and your addiction and your life and make some really good decisions after talking to a bunch of people you trust that are close to you to make the best choice...

You gotta remember all the pain misery and pain that brought you to this point...

Remember all the bad shit... be grateful for where you are at today..

Honestly bro i take 4mgs of sub a day.. I wish i was in your spot but i had my 8 rehabs... times up for me... :/

Yeah sub is ok it takes away alot of the dangerous behavior but its still the same shit.. an opiate
 
i am hoping they would put me back on subs here but i doubt it. im so miserable here..........4 months is gonna blow. at least if i had all my clothes (theyre in storage) and music and computer to watch movies id feel better
 
Dude.. did you say everywhere else and every other try has failed? This is the closest you have gotten and i think that is scaring you. fuck the material things get your shit together and suck it up and accomplish this. you can do this. this is going to make you an adult. something you so badly need to become on the inside because whether you want to believe it or not you are one. mommie and daddy and grandma should not be taking care of you. its time for you to start getting yourself in a position to take care of them when they need it. So stop fucking around and grown up. Sorry to sound so harsh but i am just over it ... you are almost 30 fucking years old, take responsibility for yourself and start repaying your family.
 
Maybe recovery includes a period of being miserable for a while. Maybe working and spending your time on something other than drugs is therapeutic itself. Maybe you need some time away from your old drug haunts before you'll be able to resist the temptation to do heroin again. If you had life all figured out, you'd be taking care of yourself. But since you're at where you are, why don't you just follow directions and do as you're told.
 
It is a partial agonist though, so it is not as addictice IME.
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I totally agree, but u know what i meant :P.. and honestly I consider myself "clean" on Sub just for the sake of my life...

Maybe recovery includes a period of being miserable for a while. Maybe working and spending your time on something other than drugs is therapeutic itself. Maybe you need some time away from your old drug haunts before you'll be able to resist the temptation to do heroin again. If you had life all figured out, you'd be taking care of yourself. But since you're at where you are, why don't you just follow directions and do as you're told.
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^^ Not maybe.. Probably right on spot...



Jake are there any new hobbies or interests you can explore ... Like get into new things... When I first tried getting clean years ago i picked up playing an instrument and its been the best thing thats ever happened to me..

I don't know even things as stupid as a puzzle book when your bored can help lol... Anything that makes you use your mind and get you out of idle time and thinking... Can you have video games ill send you a gameboy lol

Its tough man hang in there
 
jake99 said:
i am hoping they would put me back on subs here but i doubt it. im so miserable here..........4 months is gonna blow. at least if i had all my clothes (theyre in storage) and music and computer to watch movies id feel better
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If you choose to be miserable, you will be.

However, before 2 months are up, you will feel better, if you can muster up just a little self-discipline and will power in order to finally leave heroin (and any other drugs you find addictive) behind you. It is surely more enjoyable to have more money for real life stuff - and it is great not worrying about being sick and getting sick from withdrawals.

If you still feel bad by 3 months into it, continue to work on physical exercise (it will undoubtedly improve how you feel), eating healthy, as well as trying to regain interest in life. I remember when heroin withdrawal seemed manageable - I was on Suboxone and it was only giving me minimal relief. However, one of our cats did something funny - and I laughed. I wasn't in the sort of mood that felt like laughter, but I noticed that I was returning back to having the same enjoyable life experiences I was simply unable to percieve because of how horrible withdrawal was for me at first.

On the off chance you are still miserable by the end of your stay, once you are back on your own two feet in the real world, make an appointment for a psychiatrist. It is up to you to choose the doctor that is right for you - this way they can take account of your physical and mental health. For some people, there are reasons why drugs can be much more addictive. If you have hypertension, heroin lowers your blood pressure. If you are prescribed something else that just lowers your blood pressure (not addictive), this can help you feel a lot better without the use of opiates. For myself, I have ADHD and I was using heroin to compensate for being ADHD. It was working well for a whike but it wasn't feasible to continue using it. So after I had been on Suboxone for over a year, PAWS was over but I still had a lot of problems, so I was diagnosed as ADHD and began on medication for it. Besides myself, I know many other people who use benzodiazepines medicinally for occasional sleep problems, or for anxiety. Unfortunately as you find benzos addictive, it might be best not to use them.

I specifically won't use clonazepam because it does not improve how I feel whatsoever and actually makes me a lot worse off than I was before. It might be best to wean yourself off the clonazepam unless taking it is part of the terms of your stay there.

Finally, realize that you still have your freedom. You may be away right now but it isn't like you are in jail for many years, as others before you were not as lucky to have parents with the financial resources to send their children off to rehabilitation facilities.
 
Nice post Captain. I used to read your posts in OD and elsewhere back when I was using but I appreciate your perspective much more now.

Anyways, Jake, I too am 29 and have 38 days in recovery. I live at home with my parents and do so because my heroin and other drug addiction left me crippled in so many ways. I don't really like the fact that I rely on my parents for financial support but they are helping me pay for my outpatient therapy and I go to NA/AA as well. I felt a lot like you do during my first week or so of recovery but I decided to pursue recovery wholeheartedly and it has been nothing but up since then. I am far from saying things are "great" but the rate at which things are improving is amazing. If it helps I am no novice drug user. I have 13 solid years with an emphasis on RX and a masters degree in upper/downer combos. If I can do this you can too.

Also I totally agree with CH: people like us are LUCKY to be free.
 
@jake99 It sounds to me that you are trying to find reasons to justify leaving early and no doubt straight back to using again.
Stick it out man, you may be glad you did by the end of it all. You shouldn't be relying on your father to support you at age 29,you should have been standing on your own for a long time by now.
I hope you find the strength to stick with the program and have a better and clean future. Alll the best mate.
 
continue to work on physical exercise (it will undoubtedly improve how you feel), eating healthy, as well as trying to regain interest in life
I barely have the energy to workout . Ive tried to force myself but its really hard, I hate almost all fruits and vegetables so i dont know how to eat healthy. my diet sucks................i think im only person who doesnt like salad , and i cant quit smoking either

make an appointment for a psychiatrist
we have one once a week here . im on Celexa, neurontin, inderal , and low dose klonopin and still feel pretty bad but i think its because of my situation . I also got OCD
They have one here

My father wants me here 4 months. Sounds like forever............I still dont have my clothes, music, or laptop and miss my friends and family like crazy . My grandmother is 89 and lives with my severly depressed mother and thats only place id have to go back to . I dont want my grandmother to pass away without seeing me. my father is threatening to cut me off if i leave here and he has my car and keys to all my stuff in storage.

Everyone else here seems so much more happy than me. All we do is "work crews" all day and aa/na at night and nothing on the weekend. its real boring.
 
Jake if this is your situation then there may not be any other simple alternatives. Being able to experience boredom can be helpful if that is one of the tirggers for you to get high.

If staying off of heroin is your primary goal then do what you have to do and let the rest of the details fall into place. If that isn't taken care of then you will not be able to have the lifestyle that you want regardless of where you are living.
 
dude, you are coming up with every bullshit excuse in the book not to be there so you can go back to using again.

how about this? be thankful that you have a dad that loves you enough to send you to treatment. from what i've read, there are tons of people in this community that would kill for that opportunity. 4 months is nothing. get into a routine, and before you know it, you'll be out.

make the best of a bad situation. honestly, dude, i've kept my mouth shut after reading your posts for a long time. but, you come across sounding like a child. you say you want off junk, and you never take the steps to even get off the shit. what do you want, jake?

the reason you're in rehab is because you're doing it wrong, brother. you don't know how to manage your own life. follow their advice, it can't hurt. your own advice sucks, or you wouldn't be where you are. after 4 months, you can always go back to your own ways, but you might as well try something new.

and trust me, 4 months in rehab beats the shit out of whatever jail sentence you're going to end up serving if you go back home.

good luck, dude. please just let go and ride it out. take advantage of this opportunity. time to grow up.
 
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