sounds like your doing good jake. glad to here it. its hard sometimes to be 'enthused' about being in a longer term rehab but try to make the best of it. things will change and 'slowly' get better. just try to be thankful that you are able to be in a rehab and not locked up.
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So where do i go from here
- Thread starter jake99
- Start date
^Seconded!
Just keep making the effort Jake-it doesnt have to be perfect, just do what you can mate; any improvement/little victory is just that. I would try and work on taking the stress off of comparing yourself to others so much. There are plenty of other options on how to eat healthy(especially for when you come out)-even if you dont like Salad etc
I felt the same way in Rehab toward the end of it. There was a bunch of new people that joined and seemed to be vibrant and had their own 'cliques' -it was an alienating experience.![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
However, just keep in mind that it is a matter of weeks; when you are out you will be dealing with yourself in your own enviroment so those people wont matter much anymore.
Despite the fact your Dad has your Laptop atm, you still have net access as you are posting on here so...try and keep things in perspective for yourself as much as possible mate.
Just keep making the effort Jake-it doesnt have to be perfect, just do what you can mate; any improvement/little victory is just that. I would try and work on taking the stress off of comparing yourself to others so much. There are plenty of other options on how to eat healthy(especially for when you come out)-even if you dont like Salad etc
I felt the same way in Rehab toward the end of it. There was a bunch of new people that joined and seemed to be vibrant and had their own 'cliques' -it was an alienating experience.
However, just keep in mind that it is a matter of weeks; when you are out you will be dealing with yourself in your own enviroment so those people wont matter much anymore.
Despite the fact your Dad has your Laptop atm, you still have net access as you are posting on here so...try and keep things in perspective for yourself as much as possible mate.
skinnylegz
Bluelighter
Dude, if you really want your laptop or some more clothes that bad, why not ask your dad to send them to you? Or bring them with him if he comes to visit. I was in a rehab like the one you are in and I had my father bring my iPod for me so I could listen to music.
Will they adjust your meds any or let you try different ones?
They have me on celexa neurontin inderal and low dose of klonopin .................im going to ask about suboxone since they do allow it. i still wanna use dope bad
Dude, if you really want your laptop or some more clothes that bad, why not ask your dad to send them to you? Or bring them with him if he comes to visit. I was in a rehab like the one you are in and I had my father bring my iPod for me so I could listen to music.
My dad is not willing to send me anything or visit..................He says i should be here 4 months and when i tell him i dont want to be here that long he gets mad as hell and doesnt wanna talk .........he even says i shouldnt come back to NJ ............im hoping a friend is sending me an I pod soon . i need my music.
They have me on celexa neurontin inderal and low dose of klonopin .................im going to ask about suboxone since they do allow it. i still wanna use dope bad
Dude, if you really want your laptop or some more clothes that bad, why not ask your dad to send them to you? Or bring them with him if he comes to visit. I was in a rehab like the one you are in and I had my father bring my iPod for me so I could listen to music.
My dad is not willing to send me anything or visit..................He says i should be here 4 months and when i tell him i dont want to be here that long he gets mad as hell and doesnt wanna talk .........he even says i shouldnt come back to NJ ............im hoping a friend is sending me an I pod soon . i need my music.
I'm going to be annoying right now; my apologies in advance.
In yoga, pain and suffering are considered to be two different things. Pain is physiological, suffering is purely emotional. With practise, one can eliminate suffering, even when one is in agonizing pain. Hell, pain can be used as a tool-- exercise can be very uncomfortable at times for example-- but it need not be associated with suffering. One can choose to suffer, and while it takes effort and practise, one can in time choose not to suffer.
Easier said than done, I know. It's something that I've been working on for over a year now, and I'm not going through PAWS; just 'normal' anxiety and depression. Just remember that you are neither your thoughts nor your emotions. They arise from you, but they are not you.
Disregard if not useful
In yoga, pain and suffering are considered to be two different things. Pain is physiological, suffering is purely emotional. With practise, one can eliminate suffering, even when one is in agonizing pain. Hell, pain can be used as a tool-- exercise can be very uncomfortable at times for example-- but it need not be associated with suffering. One can choose to suffer, and while it takes effort and practise, one can in time choose not to suffer.
Easier said than done, I know. It's something that I've been working on for over a year now, and I'm not going through PAWS; just 'normal' anxiety and depression. Just remember that you are neither your thoughts nor your emotions. They arise from you, but they are not you.
Disregard if not useful
Practise.
Different techniques work differently for different people. For me, the physical and mental practise of yoga is the core, with the awareness that comes from that being applied to other aspects of life as a supplement. A good place to start is to recognize that you are not your thoughts. It is simple enough to say that, but a lot harder to truly believe it. Your addiction, your desire to use again comes not from the most fundamental aspect of you, but rather from your surface thoughts and emotions, which distort the appearance of this core. By reducing their legitimacy, you can reduce their hold on you, and foster a sense of contentment no matter where you are.
There are tons upon tons of resources on this sort of thing. Look around for translations of the Yoga Sutras (especially the first and second sections).
Different techniques work differently for different people. For me, the physical and mental practise of yoga is the core, with the awareness that comes from that being applied to other aspects of life as a supplement. A good place to start is to recognize that you are not your thoughts. It is simple enough to say that, but a lot harder to truly believe it. Your addiction, your desire to use again comes not from the most fundamental aspect of you, but rather from your surface thoughts and emotions, which distort the appearance of this core. By reducing their legitimacy, you can reduce their hold on you, and foster a sense of contentment no matter where you are.
There are tons upon tons of resources on this sort of thing. Look around for translations of the Yoga Sutras (especially the first and second sections).
megawoof
Bluelighter
i feel for you jake i was in a similar rehab in the uk called phoenix futures tyneside it was the same structure work work work and meetings.I was suppose to be there 6 months but lasted 3 months did manage to detox off opiates and benzos but wasnt going into there re-entry stage and felt miserable.BUT did learn alot while i was there i would seriously think about your reasons for leaving and have a proper plan if you leave.
Chromatictuner
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2010
- Messages
- 18
Hey Jake. I am the guy with a twenty year dope habit who just recently kicked. Im still clean. I was arrested three times and while my habit was relatively low by junkie standards( three bags a day snorted or 50 mg of percocet) I still managed to waste the most productive years of my life and never had a girlfriend for more than a year. You may recognize this message because I posted almost the exact same one on a different thread of yours some time back, but it seems this would be a good time to tell you again what kept me off drugs for seven years of my twenty year habit.
I'm from NYC and I left town. Doing a "geographical" as they call it in NA is not recommended because most addicts just end up finding new connections, but it can help enormously. Your drug of choice is heroin and west of the Mississippi there is NO clean, strong bags of dope. None. It is all black tar and the high is terrible. It is also extremely hard to get. The junkies on the east coast tend to be normal people who buy and sell in a professional manner. Not so in the west. If you try to score in the midwest or even California for that matter, you will experience the dregs of society. Ignorant, mean, weird people reminiscent of the characters in Harmony Corines' movie Gummo. Try driving around a soulless strip mall or a suburban ghetto looking for the guy who promised to come back with your tar and you will know depression.
Move to a beautiful little town in Washington state or New Mexico. Work hard, drink, smoke great weed, fall in love, save money. Bojangles responded to this message by saying you do not have the finances to make a move like this, but after learning that your dad pays for lengthy stays at rehabs, I'm quite sure he would spring for first and last rent , the means to get there and food money for a few months. Granted, you will probably find pills but I swear they are difficult to get as well and the dealers are always running out.
I admit, I have a very low threshold for bad drugs, inconvenience in procuring them, and having to deal with disgusting people, but you stand a good chance of success with a change of scene. Moving does help some people and it is certainly worth a try. Good luck to you.
I'm from NYC and I left town. Doing a "geographical" as they call it in NA is not recommended because most addicts just end up finding new connections, but it can help enormously. Your drug of choice is heroin and west of the Mississippi there is NO clean, strong bags of dope. None. It is all black tar and the high is terrible. It is also extremely hard to get. The junkies on the east coast tend to be normal people who buy and sell in a professional manner. Not so in the west. If you try to score in the midwest or even California for that matter, you will experience the dregs of society. Ignorant, mean, weird people reminiscent of the characters in Harmony Corines' movie Gummo. Try driving around a soulless strip mall or a suburban ghetto looking for the guy who promised to come back with your tar and you will know depression.
Move to a beautiful little town in Washington state or New Mexico. Work hard, drink, smoke great weed, fall in love, save money. Bojangles responded to this message by saying you do not have the finances to make a move like this, but after learning that your dad pays for lengthy stays at rehabs, I'm quite sure he would spring for first and last rent , the means to get there and food money for a few months. Granted, you will probably find pills but I swear they are difficult to get as well and the dealers are always running out.
I admit, I have a very low threshold for bad drugs, inconvenience in procuring them, and having to deal with disgusting people, but you stand a good chance of success with a change of scene. Moving does help some people and it is certainly worth a try. Good luck to you.
skinnylegz
Bluelighter
I agree with the fact that changing your location can be a good way to get clean. I am from New Jersey too, and had a horrible heroin habit for years. I ended up homeless on the streets of Newark and after a few months of panhandling and hustling to get a few bucks to get high, I got tired of being sick and tired all the time and came to New York. I got involved in a methadone program, found a good shelter and outpatient program to attend, and now I am working full-time, clean since February 2009, and living in a 3/4 house working towards getting my own apartment. I also found a great girlfriend who helps my desire to stay sober by supporting me for doing the right thing. I would have never thought this was even possible when I was using, but now I am happy off heroin and actually feel good about being independent.
TINK
Bluelighter
<snip - unnecessary prediction>
You say I don't want to be depressed. Someone mentions that you have your medication adjusted and you immediately dont think about the antidepressant, you think about what gonna get you high.
<snip>. I was involved with someone like you for 7-8 years. And no matter what sort of trouble he got into his daddy bailed him out and fixed it. I offered him 30 days of rehab or to leave. He packed his car and is living with a friend on their couch and his dad sends him money.
<snip> Call your Dad tell him you love him but despite all his help and all his love you can not do this anymore. Let him know what your plans are with you going to Mommies and Grammies house. Cut your losses at rehab and go let Mommie take care of you. But if you do this you cant play both Mom and Dad. You have to chose one or the other. <snip>
<snip> Four months is nothing, this should give you a chance to create a game plan as to what you are going to do when you leave there if you are serious about staying clean. Like finding a place to live where there are none of you friends that use and some where you don't know where to score. Get back into school, get a job etc. The worst thing you could do is get releasted from the program and go right back the life you were living before rehab. <snip>
<snip>
You say I don't want to be depressed. Someone mentions that you have your medication adjusted and you immediately dont think about the antidepressant, you think about what gonna get you high.
<snip>. I was involved with someone like you for 7-8 years. And no matter what sort of trouble he got into his daddy bailed him out and fixed it. I offered him 30 days of rehab or to leave. He packed his car and is living with a friend on their couch and his dad sends him money.
<snip> Call your Dad tell him you love him but despite all his help and all his love you can not do this anymore. Let him know what your plans are with you going to Mommies and Grammies house. Cut your losses at rehab and go let Mommie take care of you. But if you do this you cant play both Mom and Dad. You have to chose one or the other. <snip>
<snip> Four months is nothing, this should give you a chance to create a game plan as to what you are going to do when you leave there if you are serious about staying clean. Like finding a place to live where there are none of you friends that use and some where you don't know where to score. Get back into school, get a job etc. The worst thing you could do is get releasted from the program and go right back the life you were living before rehab. <snip>
<snip>
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Splinterguitar69
Bluelighter
I'm a few steps after you man
When you're done with the program, try and find a decent job. Save up for a while spending some time away from home collecting yourself and delete every phone number you have for dealers and fellow users. No matter how close to you they are. When you get back with some money, find a job at home again and us some of your saved money to help a down payment on a new car while trading in the old one. When YOU get YOUR car no one can legally take from you, life will be so much easier.
Honestly just b independant as possible without giving in. It gets rough. Real rough. But don't et it stop you. You'll be a bigger and stronger person after it's over. Try and defy the odds. Its been done before you, and will happen plenty more after you are gone
When you're done with the program, try and find a decent job. Save up for a while spending some time away from home collecting yourself and delete every phone number you have for dealers and fellow users. No matter how close to you they are. When you get back with some money, find a job at home again and us some of your saved money to help a down payment on a new car while trading in the old one. When YOU get YOUR car no one can legally take from you, life will be so much easier.
Honestly just b independant as possible without giving in. It gets rough. Real rough. But don't et it stop you. You'll be a bigger and stronger person after it's over. Try and defy the odds. Its been done before you, and will happen plenty more after you are gone
TimFo'Sho
Bluelighter
Dude i feel your pain im in the same boat as you, i just left rehab and from jersey and my dad shipped me over to montana. Shit sucks if you find a way to make it work let me know haha
yuhhhhh
Bluelighter
*ahem* i have resentment towards the statement that dope dealers in the west are assholes. my dopeman ALWAYS took my money with a smile.
yuhhhhh
Bluelighter
i was in a 30 day treatment facility just last month so i can understand the anxieties and "fuck i give up - pass me the point" mentality. i didn't have to work ALL day but i was certainly kept busy and the entire first week i was off suboxone they had me landscaping the front yard in 100+ degree weather in houston, texas. it was fucking brutal but i survived, obviously. the couple weeks of absolutely no sleep at all made me feel like i was actually going crazy but even in those moments of feeling nutty i was able to laugh which like someone posted before was something i hadn't been able to do not long before that. after a few weeks i was able to become more social like i normally am. everything gradually started coming back BUT if something negative did come my way i had to make a point to myself to not dwell on it. i found out a couple days before i left the facility that my girlfriend didn't want anything to do with me. my first reaction was "well fuck everything. fuck this rehab. fuck this (AA) book study. fuck these councelors." i had to make a conscious effort to recognize the way i was coping with the negativity and, for me at least, just realizing that i was compounding the problem with letting the problem itself consume me actually helped me calm down and focus again.
you and i have about the same amount of sobriety time. the last time i shot dope was in the bathroom of the rehab when i realized that's where i was going to stay and that was on june 10th. i still have issues today, no doubt. i would love to be sleeping right now but instead i'm awake because my mind won't turn off tonight and i'm typing a response on a forum to a fellow opiate addict, hopefully for a reason. and if i let problems like not sleeping well or fuck my ex hates me consume me i will be in my car looking for heroin or in your case looking for a reason to leave the place i'm at. do i think those work release places are the best form of therapy for an addict? probably not. but face it dude you need discipline and structure in your life. we all, as addicts, need some kind of discipline. it's going to help if you allow it to. you can fight it if you like and turn problems like not having a few things like your computer or clothes be the determining factor in wether you live or die. we all understand it's not where you want to be, trust me.
good luck and try to outthink your addiction every now and then you might surprise yourself.
you and i have about the same amount of sobriety time. the last time i shot dope was in the bathroom of the rehab when i realized that's where i was going to stay and that was on june 10th. i still have issues today, no doubt. i would love to be sleeping right now but instead i'm awake because my mind won't turn off tonight and i'm typing a response on a forum to a fellow opiate addict, hopefully for a reason. and if i let problems like not sleeping well or fuck my ex hates me consume me i will be in my car looking for heroin or in your case looking for a reason to leave the place i'm at. do i think those work release places are the best form of therapy for an addict? probably not. but face it dude you need discipline and structure in your life. we all, as addicts, need some kind of discipline. it's going to help if you allow it to. you can fight it if you like and turn problems like not having a few things like your computer or clothes be the determining factor in wether you live or die. we all understand it's not where you want to be, trust me.
good luck and try to outthink your addiction every now and then you might surprise yourself.
Legerity
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2010
- Messages
- 2,965
Well happy birthday, even if it doesn't feel so happy in your circumstances right now. You can know that you are taking care of yourself at the moment despite it not being fun. Just keep it up the time will pass.
We can't really predict where we'll be. I'm certainly not where I thought I should be right now either.
We can't really predict where we'll be. I'm certainly not where I thought I should be right now either.
yuhhhhh
Bluelighter
weird, today is also my birthday.