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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

So long, folks'

Facebook is dicking me around and you can't read it now in my troubled thread because your not on staff.

I'm committing myself tomorrow to deal with this "existential crisis."

The drugs alone aren't enough, and without appropriate CBT, psychoanalysis, hypnosis or even voodoo and shots of introdermal ibogaine, if it comes down to it, doth I need to function in society.

Because our monetary system makes altruism very hard for most people, and until I realized 'human nature' to be fallacy and a subterfuge, and that environmental considerations on mental health are everything; and genetical predisposition is scientific fallacy, I figured everyone was doomed and I was a freak.

I understand little, but knowing this, and having the tools of Zazen and proffesionals and a safe albeit sterile environment to shake off these ghosts and come out fighting instead of always being on my knees, something seperate from my environment always requiring self-consciousness and defeatism to maintain an illusory ego; gives me the confidence to go there.

Expect much writing to come out of it.

I love you R. I love all of you, in fact. :)

<3

S.
 
Originally Posted by Thou
I'm on my way there myself. (about the Golden Gate Bridge)


Originally Posted by Laika
Good place to die.
Don't you live in New York?
Empire State Building, imo.
Don't pose off this movie.
Click to expand...

From another thread all in jest.


But, as wordfreak can't help but quote:

One flew East
One flew West

One flew over the Cuckoos Nest

-Old nursery rhyme.
Click to expand...

I'll take door number 3.

<3 you Laik
 
Writing is more than most people have to hang onto. It will serve you well if you write your way into the truth (your own). Congratulations on knowing what step you need to take right now. <3
 
Thou said:
From another thread all in jest.


But, as wordfreak can't help but quote:



I'll take door number 3.

<3 you Laik
Click to expand...

At the time of that post I hadn't realized the severity of your comments. So I'm sorry for that.

thou said:
One flew East
One flew West

One flew over the Cuckoos Nest

-Old nursery rhyme.
Click to expand...


Don't forget about the part where the "goose swoops down and plucks you out."

It will all turn out alright.

<3 u moar Thou
 
Thou said:
I understand little, but knowing this, and having the tools of Zazen and proffesionals and a safe albeit sterile environment to shake off these ghosts and come out fighting instead of always being on my knees, something seperate from my environment always requiring self-consciousness and defeatism to maintain an illusory ego; gives me the confidence to go there.

Expect much writing to come out of it.

I love you R. I love all of you, in fact. :)

<3

S.
Click to expand...
I love you too man, you're doing the right thing. So much love and strength to you, you got this brother <3
I can't wait to see you back in here fighting-fit and ready to take on the world! :)
 
The worlds a fucked up place sadly.

You will eventually learn to accept and live with it. It may not make it ok, but EVENTUALLY, you'll at least be able to sit there and say "this is how it is, and i have to deal with it". Unfortunately there are many, many horrible things about the condition of the planet, the state of the world, and almost none of them are within our spheres of influence. Just something you gotta live with. Theres plenty that we cannot change...

BUT! There is a lot we can. Sooner you start focusing on the stuff you CAN change, instead of abstracts like the conditions of the planet (poverty in africa, starving people in North Korea, horrendous world wide financial system), the sooner you can move on. I know you want to fix the world but i'm sorry to say you cant. Worry about fixing things in front of you. If you think the world is so devoid of altruism: go out and volunteer somewhere, help a neighbor, work with those who are even less fortunate that you are.

I felt the way you did. I soon realized well theres a lot I cannot change, so I might as well focus on the things I CAN CHANGE. All of us benevolents want to change the world; unfortunately for 99.999% of the population that is not a possibility. Just change what you can. Make the world a better place for a handful of people, and stop worrying about making it better for 7 billion.

Be the altruism yourself! Please do not sit there and say the world is devoid of it when you are PERFECTLY CAPABLE of not only contributing, but doing so in such a way that you can see the effects of your actions firsthand. Go work at a soup kitchen, or volunteer with another group that has a subject close to your heart. Go down the street and help that old lady with arthritis clean up her yard.

THATS altruism for you; not a president or leader changing the world, but small acts of kindness. If every person on the planet did 1 act of kidness every day, it'd be a better place. BUT! Even if only you're the only one to do so, youve made the world a better place.

Also I know you love those writers, but maybe help yourself out by instead of reading depressing books that just keep bringing you down, I dunno, maybe help yourself a little bit and STOP! Read something that ISN"T depressing as shit.

To quote Aldous Huxley: "One does not get clean by rolling around in the muck". Stop throwing yourself into the muck willingly. Stop dwelling on all the negatives. Theres many many positives, and if you cannot see any, be a person who does one yourself.

Best of luck to you.
 
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Thou said:
I'm committing myself tomorrow to deal with this "existential crisis."

The drugs alone aren't enough, and without appropriate CBT, psychoanalysis, hypnosis or even voodoo and shots of introdermal ibogaine, if it comes down to it, doth I need to function in society.

Because our monetary system makes altruism very hard for most people, and until I realized 'human nature' to be fallacy and a subterfuge, and that environmental considerations on mental health are everything; and genetical predisposition is scientific fallacy, I figured everyone was doomed and I was a freak.

I understand little, but knowing this, and having the tools of Zazen and proffesionals and a safe albeit sterile environment to shake off these ghosts and come out fighting instead of always being on my knees, something seperate from my environment always requiring self-consciousness and defeatism to maintain an illusory ego; gives me the confidence to go there.

Expect much writing to come out of it.

I love you R. I love all of you, in fact. :)

<3

S.
Click to expand...

This makes a lot of sense. Really glad you are realizing your situation and are doing okay man. <3
 
^^Great post DooMMood. That's my philosophy too. Although I have to admit it's not always easy to do in practice, I just have to keep trying. Otherwise life would just be too depressing. Gotta stay hopeful, change the little things we can change, and positively affect people's lives in the ways we can, instead of focusing on how fucked up the world is and feeling powerless. <3
 
Thou, there is a joke, albeit ill-placed, that a San Franciscan would never do something as cliched as jumping off the GGB. If one were to want to go out peacefully, that isn't the way. The water is very cold and many people wake up in the ER with several broken bones and hypothermia - not sure of the statistics. Cameras and cops are all over the place. It isn't the quiet poetic end you seek.

You are not going to make a statement by jumping off that bridge, even in rush hour. It is too heavily monitored. What statement would you wish to make instead? Does living and thriving sound better than dying a cold death in a manner way too cliched to do more than interrupt commuter traffic? The world is cold and unforgiving. We put up the ultimate 'fuck you' by living and thriving.

I am presently in SF in easy distance to that bridge (I live here). You would find better safety in meeting up with me for my appointments today. Please, whatever is going on, don't be the jumper, because the institutions are unlikely to find an answer for your questions. Your questions are better suited for education and you have to live to find this out - I have every confidence you will thrive.

Be well. There are very few people in this world who are truly irredeemable. You're definitely not one of those. Professional help might or might not be what you need. But please, do not commit suicide.
 
I'm in N.Y.

I'm going into hospital today for treatment. Me and Laika were on an inside joke kick.

Thank you though, read the rest of the thread for the details.

<3
 
All my shit is easier said than done, for sure. But then again, anything in life worth having should NOT come easy. Gotta work for the good things.

Good luck. I'm in NY too. if you ever NEED to hit someone up, i'm always here. Just to get some food or something man it don't matter to me, all on you.
 
I rather call names than be helpful so my posts get edited.


So be it. There was more to the post than just that, though.
 
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Hell and back.

Descriptive tedious asylum diaries to come.


Some good poetry, as well.

Long story short they don't do jack fuck for you in inpatient. It's like kindergarden for the middle aged.

No therapy. No pscyhologists, no jack shit.


They wouldn't let me stay. Fuckers assured me intensive therapy to address my underlying issues was what they did.

Just got through 2 weeks cold turkey klonopin withdrawal, somehow. By the grace of some preternatural father figure, somewhere.

I'm doing this on my own. I'll seek counseling, but proper management of my medications and finding a social environment more apt for this strange breed of freak who'll welcome me with open arms is my main goal at this point. I've been looking into various options for dropping out of conventional society, I think I've found a lead.

The one thing I thought most wonderful about the place (essentially babysitting those who's family throws fits and has them committed against their will for selfish reasons, as I came to understand it then), is the refreshing realization that the 'psychotic' are some of the most reasonably compassionate and intelligent people I've ever run across in one confined space, at one confined time.

"They real freaks are outside these walls, or past that door on the left that ends in the Sacredest Cow out of all the soul-dead unempathic livestock; 'Psychitrist.'"
















Oh, and whatever the poster above decided to speak his peace about on any of the irrational and selfish gibberish I've been spewing in this thread, I hardly think self-censorship amounts to anything more pathetic or insane than the swill I've been getting off my chest in a childish need to seek a bit of guidance.

Please friend, don't feel stifled here. You're among friends and my PM box is wide open.
 
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