So I did MDMA again today

[no_id]

Too bad to hear Dawglaw rellapsed...

Edit : it s perhaps a classical "suicidal tuesday" and not something long term... I know ton of ppl who get dp/dr for 2 or 3 day as "normal reaction" to Mdma, ie normal comedown...

 

[Maya]

Too bad to hear Dawglaw rellapsed...

Edit : it s perhaps a classical "suicidal tuesday" and not something long term... I know ton of ppl who get dp/dr for 2 or 3 day as "normal reaction" to Mdma, ie normal comedown...

He took MDMA on a weekend it's already Friday so it's definitely not the typical "suicidal Tuesday" his anxiety is back as well as DP/DR.

 

[Folley]

Ugh


I'd like to hear this from Dawglaw himself. Some people just shouldn't be doing drugs in the first place, I guess. I often feel off for a week after a heavy night out, but it quickly fades to nothing.. it's normal. Hopefully he doesn't convince himself of some kind of "damage" again just because he had a shitty week.

 

[Vikingdancer]

Ahw , I read a lot of your posts Dawglaw and I hope you recover quick man. Though your MDMA dose after recovering convinced me to never take X again. I guess for some of us it just assaults our minds. Like, I've seen my dealer took 18 pills on a night and he probab took like 500pills or more in his whole life. He is dumb as fuk but in the end he's oke and he isnt an exception. I'm gettin more the idea that most of these comedowns are triggered depressions/anxiety problems. Anyway I'll have an appointment monday with this MDMAdoc and I'll want to know what his experience is. He helps if your havin these problems caused by MDMA:

depressiviteit, angst, verminderde concentratie, vermoeidheid, gevoel van schokken in het hoofd, tintelingen, spiertrekkingen, zichtproblemen, duizelingen.

Translation:
Depression, anxiety, less concentration, tiredness, "feeling of shocks throught your head"(zaps), tingling, muscletwitching, sightproblems(HPPD), dizziness.

Dunno if I translated it correct but you guys know what I mean.

Greetz.

 

[Maya]

Ugh


I'd like to hear this from Dawglaw himself. Some people just shouldn't be doing drugs in the first place, I guess. I often feel off for a week after a heavy night out, but it quickly fades to nothing.. it's normal. Hopefully he doesn't convince himself of some kind of "damage" again just because he had a shitty week.

You will not be hearing from him for a while as I have mentioned on my post he has decided to stay away from BL. Feel free to PM him if you want!

 

[Dawglaw]

Hey, guys.

I have been through the ringer with anxiety this past week. I think I dodged a bullet with respect to a long term comedown.

So far, I have been able to stave off constant DP/DR and deal with the pretty severe general anxiety. As such, it is not NEARLY as bad as the first time. I attribute this to my unfortunate experience last year, the lessons I learned about how to deal with my anxiety, and the CBT and mindfulness tricks that I employed to overcome my long term anxiety from my last experience.

Over the past 4 days, I have had spells of DR with comorbid mini panic attacks, I would say about 60% of the time I am dealing with DR or anxiety and 40% of the time I am somewhat comfortable. It is definitely in my head (as I can talk myself down and keep it under control) but the fact remains that the symptoms manifested after I used last weekend.

I am not sure if it was triggered by PTSD from my comedown or the MDMA itself, either way it has sucked. However, I was able to have a positive night last night and today I am almost symptom free. I am still going to tread extremely lightly and take it easy for the next few days until I can completely unwind. As such, I am probably going to take a bit of a break from BL.

(Note: to people currently experiencing problems, staying off of the internet and BL. Avoiding scary MDMA and DP/DR stories has been extremely therapeutic as I am sure if I came on here two days ago when I was freaking out about another 6-8 months of DP/DR, it would have only made things worse for me.)

Anyways, this confirms that MDMA is not for me. I am almost positive that I do not have any neurological or physical damage, rather my brain really does not like MDMA.

If I had not been through this before, I would have worked myself into a terrible state of anxiety by freaking out over all the anxiety and DR. DR and DP really really can get you going in terrible thought loops that dig a hole that you cannot get out of.

To the people experiencing this, do everything you can to work hard and stay positive. While my new anxiety has not abated completely, I think that had I not known my body and mind well enough to recognize what was going on, I could have put myself into another 6-8 months of terrible anxiety and DR.

I'm not bashing MDMA at all, just providing an anecdotal report that, for me, MDMA is not a good idea.

Everyone else, stay positive. You guys will get through it.

EDIT: cleaned up my post a bit. Iphone is hard to write clearly on.

 

[Folley]

Happy to hear from you Daw, hopefully you'll be feeling better soon.

Yeah, some people should just stay away from drugs... hopefully this hasn't set you back too far, and you'll be able to get back to where you were before. It is unfortunate that it hasn't worked out for you, my rolls after my comedown were some of the best ones I had ever had.


I have to ask.. did you test this product? I remember you saying you didn't have time to weigh it..

 

[Dawglaw]

Hey man,

I am positive I will be ok. This was just a huge wake up call not to be a drunken idiot. You are right. MDMA is not for me. Sticking to booze.

We did test it the night before the party and broke it up into roughly into 100mg doses (using a 0.0 scale). From there I took roughly 80% of a 100mg dose, then a 45-75min later took the rest plus a tiny tiny bit more from my buddy's cap.

I think the moral of my story is, just like how some people get anxiety on weed, MDMA can trigger severe anxiety in certain people. I think the spike in neurotransmitters due to MDMA and the subsequent low levels of seratonin puts my brain into emergency mode and sets off a chain reaction of anxiety that, if left unchecked, could have been terrible.

I am extremely fortunate that I "knew what to do" or else I am sure I would have triggered many more months of anxiety. For a few hours or so I was convinced that I was fucked. However, I pulled myself up and told myself to blast through and now I am doing ok.

The thing is, outside of drug induced anxiety, I have had zero mental health problems and have never really had any problems with anxiety. Cest la vie.

 

[futura2012]

Hello Dawglaw

Good to hear you are coping well. It seems once the serotonin network collapses from one long term comedown the chances of it happening again are geatly incresed thats certainly what happened for me.

Anyways, this confirms that MDMA is not for me. I am almost positive that I do not have any neurological or physical damage, rather my brain really does not like MDMA.

I am not so convinced about this. Why would your brain all of a sudden become sensitized to MDMA? I suspect some kind of change has occured whether this can be defined as damage is a difficult call.

I think your experience has certainly made a few people evaluate their future drug use particularly people suffering from long term comedowns.

Lets hope the symptoms clear up fast.

Good luck.

 

[Vikingdancer]

I am not so convinced about this. Why would your brain all of a sudden become sensitized to MDMA? I suspect some kind of change has occured whether this can be defined as damage is a difficult call.


Good luck.

Could be...

but on the other hand MDMA already triggered this anxiety and using MD again makes it easier to fall back because it's already triggered. So maybe its more genitically and MDMA didn't really changed the brain permanently. I read most of your posts futura and I know your havin a tough time but I think your blamin to much on this drug man.

greetz.

 

[futura2012]

but on the other hand MDMA already triggered this anxiety and using MD again makes it easier to fall back because it's already triggered. So maybe its more genitically and MDMA didn't really changed the brain permanently.

Sorry but I have no idea what your on about here?? Can you reword this to make it a bit more clear what you are meaning.

Assuming this is what you mean - It cant be genetics because before his first incident Dawglaw was a regular user taking MDMA without issues. Why did he all of a sudden become sensitive to 120mG?

I read most of your posts futura and I know your havin a tough time but I think your blamin to much on this drug man.

Again im sorry I dont really understand what you mean here.

Blaming what on the drug? my own condition? Dawglaws condition?

My own condition was not caused by exclusively MDMA it was a mixture of piperazine and MDMA. On the basis MDMA interacts really badly with piperazine I would say its partly to blame if thats what you mean.

If you mean Dawglaws condition then I would say if someone takes 120mG of tested MDMA and triggers anxiety, depression and DP/DR then there is definitely a problem.

Is this problem brain related? very likely. Does this problem indicate neurotoxicity from MDMA? possibley. Should Dawglaw now stop taking MDMA? Highly advised. Why does 120mG now trigger these problems? I suspect when Dawglaws problems first started listening to what he has said his problems started with some kind of MDMA / other drug coctail which would have created some kind of chemical imbalance causing anxiety/depression/DP/DR etc. Once he had "recovered" he felt normal but I suspect in reality although he felt normal possibley not all the recovery had taken place as a result 120mG which is a relatively low dose retriggered all the problems.

has some kind of change been made to the brain? in the short term it would seem that way. in the long term who knows.

Although Dawglaw thinks this is just anxiety driven my opinion is slightly different logic would dictate to me some kind of brain alteration has occured at least for the short term.

This is just my opinion of course and all this is debatable. However, I am not letting my experience of MDMA comedown cloud my thoughts here I am just trying to think about it in a logical way.

Feel free to disagree of course interested to hear your own opinion.

greetz to you too

 

[Folley]

However, I am not letting my experience of MDMA comedown cloud my thoughts here I am just trying to think about it in a logical way.

What MDMA comedown? You JUST said it was from piperazine... similarly, almost everyone else who has dealt with these long term symptoms has NO IDEA what they took, yet all are very keen on blaming MDMA first thing. Not very "logical", IMO.

 

[Dawglaw]

I am interested in what has caused this as well. Again my opinion is just that. I am not a neurologist - I have no clue what the true cause is.

I have done other drugs without issue - coke, Norco, prescription amphetamines, ethanol.

MDMA, for whatever reason, has caused a resurgence in anxiety that I had not experienced since the beginning of my bad comedown.

So far I'm handling it much much better than the last time but after feeling great for six months and getting a bunch of anxiety with spouts of DR and vision issues really isn't much fun.

I will NEVER touch any drug in this class again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

 

[futura2012]

This is just my opinion of course and all this is debatable. However, I am not letting my experience of MDMA comedown cloud my thoughts here I am just trying to think about it in a logical way.

What MDMA comedown? You JUST said it was from piperazine...

You seem to have missed this paragraph written directly above what your complaining about:

"My own condition was not caused by exclusively MDMA it was a mixture of piperazine and MDMA. On the basis MDMA interacts really badly with piperazine I would say its partly to blame if thats what you mean."

similarly, almost everyone else who has dealt with these long term symptoms has NO IDEA what they took,

almost everyone has NO IDEA what they took is totally exagerated and blown out of proportion.

I would say its a mixture actually. There are a few members on here who have been fucked up by the combo of piperazine and MDMA, some by unknown coctails and some by just MDMA.

Interesting that you are defending MDMA in this way yet it was you in this very thread that stated just about everyone you knew who had taken MDMA after abusing it has been PERFECTLY FINE and yet here we are a week later with Dawglaw in a state of anxiety, depression and DP/DR from 120mG of the very thing you are suggesting couldn't hurt a fly.

There is NO reason that you can't try MDMA again after abusing it, and just about everyone I know that has done has been PERFECTLY FINE. Even Somedud, the man who is now dead, potentially from his symptoms... I remember him trying to roll again, and as far as I remember he had a perfectly dandy night with no lasting problems.

Interesting here that you are quoting one of our members who is dead from potential depressive related suicide and you think this indicates good news for MDMA.

Below is his last ever post on Bluelight. Im not so sure this would indicate to me a perfectly dandy night with no lasting problems.

Quick and simple, don't do it.

Believe it or not, I dropped two E's periodically throughout the night (at the time the GF was not suppose to be where I was too) so I figured it was alright considering we were in a really really rough patch due to me cheating on her.

Sure enough, she shows up, starts showing me texts from another guy in spite of what i done to her I would imagine. This sent me into the worst two years of my life that i'm still trying to pull myself out of. That night fucked my head up so bad I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I had insomnia for 8 months following that night that I never had before hand.

yet all are very keen on blaming MDMA first thing. Not very "logical", IMO.

I dont think it is to blame for everything but at the same time I do think it is to blame for some peoples suffering.

In terms of not logical I would say this more applies to yourself going around with comments such as VERY SAFE and " just about everyone I know that has done has been PERFECTLY FINE".

As you can see from this very thread your caps lock comments are kind of inappropiate and argubley very illogical.

It is clear to me if someone has been through a longterm comedown a massive amount of care and caution has to be applied to any future drug taking that would certainly seem a much more logical approach from how im seeing things..

 

[F1n1shed]

Folley didn't you suffer a really bad long term comedown before. I thought you swore off it for a while because you saw the dangers of it . But once you started dabbling with MDMA again you seem very pro MDMA and biased. MDMA is a potent neuro toxin to one of the most important neurons, serotonin. Yea other cuts mixed with MDMA may add damage, but for the most part they just have ill affects and make you feel sick while you are on it. MDMA alone is to blame for many people suffering with negative long term effects, and many of these people use responsibly.

 

[Folley]

I did have a "long term" comedown.. one that affected me for nearly a year. I came out of it, however, and after experimenting I found the only way I could continue to take MDMA is in a safe and controlled way.

I am neither pro-MDMA or anti-MDMA, I like for people to have the correct information to make the decision for themselves.. and, the truth is, the majority of MDMA users can take pills with little to no repercussions.

Also, I never "swore off MDMA".. in fact I was quite keen on using it again! But I learned through a few mistrials what I could, and could NOT get away with after that.. I am not quite as resilient as I once was

 

[HarrytheHead]

I think the moral of my story is, just like how some people get anxiety on weed, MDMA can trigger severe anxiety in certain people. I think the spike in neurotransmitters due to MDMA and the subsequent low levels of seratonin puts my brain into emergency mode and sets off a chain reaction of anxiety

Glad to hear you're feeling better man. I am in the same boat. I used THREE times lifetime. Today is the 4 month anniversary of me taking that high third dose that sent me into a tailspin. All of you guys can say "that's impossible after three times, it's all in your head". But I'm no idiot. I am very aware of my mind and body, with no history of mental health issues. I freaked out on too much mdma and had months of anxiety, insomnia and mood swings. Now at month 4... I am way better but have constant head/eye pressure. Never felt these feelings before IN MY LIFE.

I am so thankful to be recovering steadily from my MDMA/(mixture) use but I'm also smart enough to know MDMA/(mixture) caused this. I am a shining example of someone who can't take hallucinogenic drugs. I will not be taking MDMA/(mixture) ever again. Any friends try to peer pressure me they are getting a big 'fuck you'.

 

[pmz]

amen to that brotha.

 

[rollonsafely]

I am so thankful to be recovering steadily from my MDMA use but I'm also smart enough to know MDMA caused this. I am a shining example of someone who can't take hallucinogenic drugs. I will not be taking MDMA ever again. Any friends try to peer pressure me they are getting a big 'fuck you'.

According to your past posts, you didnt test your product, so how are you "smart enough" to know for sure that THE ONLY SUBSTANCE taken was MDMA or even contained MDMA? Basically I am wondering how you can be so unflinchingly sure that your symptoms are exclusively MDMA induced?

 

[cloudio]

Glad to hear you're feeling better man. I am in the same boat. I used THREE times lifetime. Today is the 4 month anniversary of me taking that high third dose that sent me into a tailspin. All of you guys can say "that's impossible after three times, it's all in your head". But I'm no idiot. I am very aware of my mind and body, with no history of mental health issues. I freaked out on too much mdma and had months of anxiety, insomnia and mood swings. Now at month 4... I am way better but have constant head/eye pressure. Never felt these feelings before IN MY LIFE.

I am so thankful to be recovering steadily from my MDMA use but I'm also smart enough to know MDMA caused this. I am a shining example of someone who can't take hallucinogenic drugs. I will not be taking MDMA ever again. Any friends try to peer pressure me they are getting a big 'fuck you'.

But those 3 times you did it, did you enjoy it ? or was it a really unpleasant space?