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so confused

DXMkid420 said:
i hope i dont see her with another guy right after this, cuz if thts the case, im going to break his face.
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oh, and that would be really stupid on your part. not only would you be in the wrong because it's not his fault, you'd also lose any chance of ever getting back with this chick.
 
oh, and that would be really stupid on your part. not only would you be in the wrong because it's not his fault, you'd also lose any chance of ever getting back with this chick.
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i know your right, but its just that if i saw that, i wouldnt be able to control myself, and fists would start flying
 
don't sweat the petty things, man.... and don't pet the sweaty things.
unless..... they're female, hot, single, and on yer lap.

ain't another chump worth your freedom.... don't fuck it up on account of your jealousy & anger.
 
If you really do love her and drugs are the part of the problem then drop the drugs.
I met my fiance 2.5 years ago through a drugs forum. We both liked the same music, same clubs, and same drugs, and it turned out that we only lived a couple of miles from each other, so it was inevitable we got together.
Anyway, last December she took Manic Delusional Schizophrenia . (Was it all he drugs, or her background, or just something else that triggered it?) Who knows; but of course her psychiatrists/doctors are blaming the "10x more powerful Skunk" as usual.

Anyway from that moment on I gave up an everyday weed habit of 22 years, and a 19 year "try everything you can get your hands on" at weekends and festivals habit.

We are now only just starting to experiment again, in the hope we can have some substance induced fun again that is safe for her and wont interfere with her anti-psychotic meds; but if it turns out that She can't take drugs again then there's one choice:
I'm on the wagon as well.


It was one of the most difficult decisions of my life, as up to now my only goal in life is to have fun, but love is far more powerful then anything that I've snorted, swallowed, or smoked ever before.
 
A good part of the reason I stopped dating was usually the same minute I started getting close to someone was the same minute they started to suspect something was up with me (like drugs). And I kind of feel thats nobodies business whether its my wife, lover, or w/e, its still not their business. Getting off drugs isn't something someone else is going to help me do, so I have no reason to tell them I'm on drugs in the first place. Attempts at "support" always turn into degrading arguments at some point.

But eventually what would happen is they would all find out, and none of them were ever "cool" with it. The ones that were, I oddly never felt too strongy about. For some reason I only like girls who don't tolerate drug use... very ironic I would say.
 
Just try to get through the day and do that by taking on a day at a time. Try not to be so hard on your self with unrealistic goals. What good would that do but cut you deeper. So just do your own pace, get the help you need, and have the support of Blight, freiends, and yourself. Never lose hope. I would talk to you anytime. PM me if you want to just talk. I have been there. it is so lonely and the guilt is hard and breath taking. Your not alone.
 
I have three things to say


Bojangles69 said:
Your heart may be broken, but this sounds like a relationship that was broken, and a broken relationship will often result in 2 broken lives. Its obvious that hers was begining to degrade, and I'm sure that yours has to.
If you stayed involved in this situation, things only would have gotten worse, and the only way to actually "fix it" is to get out completely and start with a fresh blank slate. True love is not staying together forever, true love is new love, that electricity inside your skull often lies.

Don't hold onto the pain as a means of not accepting its really over. People often fantasize about their lover crawling back to them, realizing their wrongdoings, but it will only delay the grief process. If you cover that grief up with drugs, you are STILL delaying the grief process. I've seen people get off drugs 8 years after a break up and start crying about their lover when they finally stopped drugs.
YOU HAVE TO MOURN, same way you have to withdraw from drugs. Taking drugs will not cure your emotions, only delay them. I'm not telling you not to take them, I'm only making you aware to the limits of what they can actually do.

Also, I notice in particular that men handle break ups much worse than women. Women handle them bad, but it doesn't have such a long term corrosive impact on their wellbeing. And I believe this has a lot to do with how we our socialized, and the overall variances in value sexually.
A man is never considered "reproductively valuable", we are largely disposable in those terms.
You often find 1 man out of 10 doing the majority of the mating at a much more extreme level, and 5 out of 10 women mating as a much less extreme level.
This offset of values, often results in those 9 men taking break ups worse, because functionally speaking, they are much easier to replace than a female is. Those 9 men will go for one of those 5 women, and most of those 5 women will be attracted to that 1 man. Because we are so disposable, this usually shows during break ups.

It also has a lot to do with mens obsession with omnipotence, or control/power in general.

What you really need to do is try to not go on a journey of sadistic misinterpretations towards what the relationship was, what you are, and all the things that you think are "wrong" with you in general.
Breaking up requires a process of dissassociating yourself from all the things that love intially blinded you from. Maybe you never noticed the hair on her arms, or the love handles she likes to sport, but I'm sure in a few months you will stop rosetinting all her flaws. The pain is a result of simply seeing the truth. Its OK to reassociate new negative beliefs towards her, thats what breakups are about. It will also help you move on quicker.
What will NOT help you move on quicker is ressociating negative beliefs onto yourself. Thats not how dissassociation works, and I see so many people doing it the opposite/wrong way.

Lastly, if you need ANYONE to talk to, please fucking pm me. If its just to bitch PLEASE BITCH into my inbox. I WANT to talk to you, it is NOT a burden in anyway.
The reason therapists still practice therapy in a room of 100s of people watching is because even a therapist, a PROFESSIONAL who has been trained to not to misinterpret things, often still will make that mistake. Its human, and the reason I tell you to pm me is because another person can help you interpret things for what they are.
Don't try reading into shit and deriving/casting all sorts of new beliefs onto your identity. Or if you need to, as least pm me first. =]

g/luck!!
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Your advice is incredible and so insightful! Thank you for writing that. I learnt so much reading it.

Lord, if you can't offer support don't post in here. I'm sorry you feel that life is not worth living but why bring someone else down? Don't be so selfish.

OP, I know it's cliche and been said many times over but time heals. It really really does. I promise. Listen to sad songs and cry your heart out, leave your pillow and your face wet, remember all the good times you had and then.... let it all go. It will get better. All the best to you <3
 
DXMkid, you mentioned you were planning to speak with her mother, how did that end up?? I remember whwn you first posted in this thread about how you smoked weed at the football game and were so stoned. Maybe just try not to overdo it, if you still like weed But stay away from other drugs as this is just going to turn you into a person you don't want to become.

Please put those suicidal thoughts out of your head. My sister OD'd in 1995 and I will never "get over" it. Not to mention the impact it had on my parents, having to bury her. Think about the people who love you most- your family and how devastated they would be.

You may or may not get back with this girl, idk. You're better off finding someone else and at your age honestly, not many high school romances pan out to be long term. The few I've seen all broke up, except for one and they're in their late 50's. It's a rare phenomenon. Stop beating yourself up over this and try to move on as hard as it seems.
 
she just told me her parents made her break up with me, and that she still wants me. si im trying to be sober for her. i have to. drugs are fun, amazing, and everything else in between, but love is soo much more. im going to show her parents i can do this. i have never been so determind to do something
 
ChickenScratch said:
oh, and that would be really stupid on your part. not only would you be in the wrong because it's not his fault, you'd also lose any chance of ever getting back with this chick.
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Plus, get arrested for assaulting the guy. You don't want a criminal record. Find yourself some other girls who share similiar interests. The sluttier the better (but use condoms) Fuck the pain away, it works for me anyway. A lot of people may not agree with this and maybe it's just masking, the same way drugs/alcohol do. But even if just for a short while, you can forget her.

Of course, you will still think about her and wonder - but after a while, she will pop in your head less often. I posted in your other thread and didn't see this one. I think you should stay off the drugs, I mean if you want to still smoke then do it moderately. Oh, and this "I still love you" is something us girls say to sort of cushion the blow. Don't get caught up in mind-fuckery.

DXMkid420 said:
she just told me her parents made her break up with me, and that she still wants me. si im trying to be sober for her. i have to. drugs are fun, amazing, and everything else in between, but love is soo much more. im going to show her parents i can do this. i have never been so determind to do something
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I missed this post. Sorry. If you are struggling to seriously quit, have you considered rehab? I'm assuming you're still covered under your parent's insurance, and there's no shame to it. My mother had me in an inpatient facility at age 15. Back then it was 90 days, and it was the huge "family shame" My drug use was that bad. Programs are different nowadays.

Your dad seems pretty understanding from what you said in the other thread. Maybe he can help you get to some teen NA meetings or some similiar support group. If getting clean is your true goal, it's going to take alot of work and if you find that you can't do it on your own, please get some help. Remember though, this is something you're doing for you and not for your gf and her family. Even if you do manage to turn your life around, there's no guarantee that these people will welcome you with open arms. Think this through...
 
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i have already been to rehab, i just did herion, DXM, and acid through the whole thing. i was never sober. im not gonna lie, bieng sober is not what i want. and im not doing it for me. im doing it for her. but, i really do love her enough to do this... or so i think. im am addicted to DXm, and i havnt come down in well over a year. when i do come down, i have siezures,and i once foamed at the mouth. i have no idea why, i know all there is to know about DXM, and this is not supposed to happen.
 
Yea, don't expect them to immediately greet you with open arms if you proclaim you're clean n' sober. It will be a continual process to gain her and her parents trust back. Just remember that getting clean will only truly work if you do it for yourself above anyone else. Her being a big factor in your decision to get clean is definitely not a bad thing though, as it might give you the strength to get through paws and such. Good luck brother and you WILL get over this no matter what the outcome. Feel free to PM me as well if ya wanna talk about anything.
 
DXMkid420 said:
she just told me her parents made her break up with me, and that she still wants me. si im trying to be sober for her. i have to. drugs are fun, amazing, and everything else in between, but love is soo much more. im going to show her parents i can do this. i have never been so determind to do something
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I have to ask you an odd question.
But do you think its possible you use drugs because you have a fear of commitment/intimacy? One thing I noticed in my earlier years, when I actually dated, was girls would tend to be more drawn to me, because my emotions were shut off half the time. Because I was always on drugs, I wasn't able to reciprocate certain feelings, and I think it drove a lot of them crazy.

But I realized in later years, I did that on PURPOSE, because I feared w/out the drugs I'd lose control over my emotions, and become too needy/insecure with my partner. Drugs in a way domesticated my tendency to obsess over a girl. If she was perfect, perfect personality, and we got along great, I noticed I'd actually use more. If however the attraction wasn't there, I was much more stable with my drug use.

Theres all sorts of stuff that can be going on, but keep that in mind.
I still think your situation is a pretty optimistic one. It sounds like the only thing getting between you and her are the drugs. And although in the end either one is essentially filling voids (girl or drugs) I still say you are MUCH better off losing the habit and going for the girl.
But keep yourself in check. Because situations like this don't always go smoothly. If you DO choose to invest energy into getting her back, make sure you don't half ass that investment. If you give 90% of what is required, and wind up going back to drugs for say a week, she might be forced to leave you due to her parents. And that could put you in a situation where you actually feel worse, or more incompetent as a man in general.

I suggest w/e you do, give it your all. Ok no thats stupid, if you go back to drugs you definitely don't wanna "give it your all" lol. I mean if you DO choose her, and think its a reasonable goal to set for yourself (which is relative to the depth of your addiction and how well you know yourself as a person) than put ever ounce of strength into it that you can.
You're in a way involved in a situation some people would die to be in. But I'm still not sure how far "under" you are with drugs. Theres no way I could choose a woman over drugs right now because it would take me a year min to resemble anything close to a normal man. But if you think you can do it, I absolutely say go for it!
We will all help you the best we can. And you really aren't choosing between a girl & drugs, in a weird way you are choosing between life and drugs. And I definitely say life is the best decision here.

g/luck!!


& thanks damaged lemon for the compliment :)
 
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