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Sleeping With My S/O

  • Thread starter Thread starter abcds
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abcds

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To SLR please

My boyfriend and I moved in together about a month and a half ago. We used to stay with each other on the weekends and we had no problem sleeping together then. Usually we'd go out and party and I'd fall asleep quickly so there wouldn't be any problem. We never had to wake up too early on the weekends either so my sleeping problems never caused any huge problems.

Anyway, now that we are sleeping together every night, and he has to wake up between 6 and 7 AM every morning for work (my schedule varies, but I never have to wake up earlier than 7 AM), my sleeping problems are causing lots of problems. I toss and turn at night, every night. I takes me (on average) 2 hours to get to sleep. Even when I'm tired, I can't get to sleep right away (unless I've been out dancing and it's like 4 or 5 AM). Even when I am consistently waking up at 7 AM, I find it impossible to get to sleep before midnight. He wants to go to bed at like 11 PM every night. My tossing and turning wakes him up and annoys him. I can't adjust myself enough because I know it's bothering him. I am used to having a whole bed to myself but now I have to share it with him (we sleep in a double bed). I'm also used to playing games (like solitaire on my phone) until I go to sleep but I can't do that with him in the bed with me. I'm seeing a therapist right now about my anxiety and hopefully that will help with my sleeping problems but it's not going to be fixed immediately. I've also tried sleeping pills (with diphenhydromine), melatonin, and Valerian root but they don't usually work.

We are definitely planning on getting a new bed. We'd like a queen size bed but we don't think we'll be able to afford it for about a year. So we might just get a new mattress for the double bed. Even so, that probably won't happen for a month or so (we aren't exactly wealthy or anything but we handle our money well). We don't want to resort to sleeping in separate bedrooms.

I'm wondering how other people have adjusted to sleeping with their partners? Was it a big change? How did you solve things? Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance
 
have you tried taking sleeping aids there are some good natural herbal ones out there could even try wearing each other out. Other then that all you can do is give it time and let yourself get used to sleeping in the same bed together, I never used to like having anyone sleeping in my bed period but once I moved in with my wife then girlfriend I got used to having her there and found I now find it hard to sleep when she is not in bed with me.
 
neoblazing said:
have you tried taking sleeping aids there are some good natural herbal ones out there could even try wearing each other out. Other then that all you can do is give it time and let yourself get used to sleeping in the same bed together, I never used to like having anyone sleeping in my bed period but once I moved in with my wife then girlfriend I got used to having her there and found I now find it hard to sleep when she is not in bed with me.
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This, same here.
 
Ya a queen size bed is like 100$ plus matress (decent one aprox 300$). $400 split in two is only 200$

Is 200 bucks not worth your nights sleep?
 
Some couples don't share a bed. Until you get your sleep patterns worked out maybe you could try it? It's nothing to be ashamed of; whatever works, works. Just a thought.
 
Add to my post: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/628516-Sleeping-With-My-S-O in SLR

Sleeping aids: My original posts states that I've tried sleeping pills, melatonin, and Valerian root ... I can add that I've tried other sleeping aids but they simply don't work (or they work once but that's all ... even though I give 1-2 weeks in between uses)

If a queen size bed was $400, it would be well worth the money. It is at least twice that and I definitely can't afford $400 myself, neither can my boyfriend (who is currently paying off student debts)

We don't really have a second bed either. We have a single mattress and a couch but I would never be able to sleep there and I'd feel bad asking my boyfriend to sleep there.

Those are all the solutions that I have thought of ... was hoping there was something else :(
 
nooneanymore said:
Sounds like breakup material. Tell us, what else do you do that bothers him; and, what does he do that bothers you????
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nooneanymore said:
Breakup now or forever hold your peace.
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This is horrible advice, IMO. Many couples stay together but cannot sleep together every night.

OP, have you tried sleeping apart but in the same room? You can cuddle on the bed together, but when you're both ready for sleep, one of you move to the floor or something. It sounds terrible but give it a try with an open mind. Seriously. A twin mattress could fit under your bed and one of you could sleep on that pulled out--Like a trundle bed. $100 for the mattress is worth it to at least try it.
 
I don't know the correct english word for it, but you could try to sleep under seperate "blankets". That's what my S/O and I do, because I'm also a light sleeper. It decreases the influence of movement on the other person tremendously.
 
Ever considered going to sleep at different times? He wants to go to sleep before 11PM and you don't fall asleep before 12? So he goes to bed before you, simple as that.
My ex was also into 'let's go to sleep together', but after a few weeks of living together (with another girl) it became clear that it cannot (and needs not) be always the case
 
maybe if you just got into a sleeping cycle of going to bed an hour earlier and waking up an hour earlier you wouldn't have any more problems...
 
just go to sleep once you're tired enough to actually sleep..
don't lay down until you feel ready to sleep...
has he done anything to compromise with you?
 
get a futon. you can buy a used frame pretty cheaply and a decent mattress should only run you $100ish. if neither of you getting a good night sleep, separate beds might be the solution until you can afford a larger bed.

having separate blankets can make a big difference like someone suggested. then you don't have all the fighting for the same blanket.
 
I would say try to find a cause of your sleep problem. Try writing down what you eat, drink and make a chart of when you feel tired, take a nap and go to sleep.

I have a bad sleep habit. It's all over the place. But this helped me find a pattern and recognize my habits. I don't work now so my irratic bed time schedule isn't a problem now.
 
I have been with my girlfriend on and off for 7 years. When I'm having trouble sleeping, I get up and go to the couch. Even though it isn't as comfortable, I can roll around as much as I want and don't bother anyone. You shouldn't be taking drugs and supplements to force your sleep patterns to be different, just go with what you've got.
 
Before you start trying tO take drugs to go to sleep try working out during the day . I used to have sleeping problems at night and always tried benzos, melatonin and stuff and it worked but nothing works better than being active during the day for me. I bet you'll sleep like a baby after a crosscut workout or riding bike hard for two hours. Just a suggestion
 
Drink some kava kava tea before bed.
I'm basically in the same boat as you actually. It seems I might be having seizures in my sleep, and I'll finally be seeing a neurologist about it! But in your case if just not being tired when he is is your problem, I'd suggest light to moderate exercise in the early afternoon. Then pick a time you'd like to start winding down, and make a cup or two of kava tea and get some cuddling going on! Focus on his breath or heartbeat and just clear your mind. Idk if tv helps or hurts either of you falling asleep, but eliminate distractions, and if your like me whose needs the tv on, just keep the volume low. If he doesn't like the tv, perhaps you could put on headphones and watch from another device, or vice versa.
I have a lot of tips for sleeping, but the main thing really, even if it's waking up earlier than you'd normally like, set a reasonable time, and idk what your days are like, but keep mentally and physically active throughout the day plus the exercise as well.
MAKE HIM GIVE YOU A DAMN GOOD NECK AND SHOULDER MASSAGE. Omg that really just makes me melt.

If I were in your situation, I'd definitely consider a trundle bed.
Your problems are just the clashing of your routines, and that will eventually work itself out the longer you two live together. Give it time, and maybe try my suggestions.
Keep us updated!
 
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