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SL Social ver. United in Recovery

I usually chat with her before class and for like 15-20 minutes after another just shit forreal. turns out she has a 3 year old. I always end up liking chicks who have kids it seems lol. I will make it a point to try to get her number!
 
Stay well Mehm. I am going through some really bad symptoms, but eventually this to shall pass.

Love reading everyone's posts, gives me strength when I need it the most.
 
Went to that rehab again today to talk to those teenagers. I did well, I was told.

Didn't speak too long. Went real strong for about 10 mins and said some deep stuff then blanked out.

They asked questions at the end but they weren't recovery related. They asked me how I almost got stabbed and what kind of music I DJ. they asked my friend how he got shot. Still good though that they are interested.
 
RedLeader said:
To those of you 12 steppers, do you tell your sponsors about BL?
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not yet. I've mentioned it on some occasions when I celebrated clean time. I don't talk about it often as I've posted shit here I don't want people in my area to know. complete anonymity here is awesome.

got back from an NA function today. got there yesterday afternoon and stayed there til late, then went to the hotel and soaked in the hot tub with the girl, and cuddled with her all night and drove back today. was fantastic. ill update with a license of something I bought.
 
Well.. I'm getting the car next weekend. Things are about to really start changing fast now. A lot of doors are about to open since I will have transportation. I will pick up a second job for sure. $300 per week is suitable, but not quite enough for what I want. I kind of want some new clothes and stuff. Plus, ecigs have turned from a way to quit smoking, into a fun And costly new hobby. Not to mention I've been hitting a lot of shows lately. I went to bonobo earlier at the house of blues. Was fucking dope. Life is good. And about to get better.

For all of those out there still suffering.. Please know there is hope, and a light at the end if the tunnel if you do the work.

/pce
 
^^thats good shit man. I'm very happy for ya :D

I had a rough evening tonight. problems with the girl. she texted me out of the blue asking why I had an app on my phone that hides texts. I told her why (mind you we're not a couple and the reason I had it was an ex fwb wouldn't stop texting me even when I began dating). I tell her why, and tell her the person who gave her this info left that part out conveniently since suggested I get the app for that reason. then she goes on to insult my integrity saying I'm hiding shit from her (I'm not) and a few other ego damaging thing. I felt my mindset go back to the old me really quickly. the hatred burning, wanting to cause pain and lash out. I had a difficult time keeping it under control. I managed though.
 
RedLeader said:
To those of you 12 steppers, do you tell your sponsors about BL?
Click to expand...

I don't have any interest in the other bluelight forums anymore...I'm sure he would like the fact that I'm trying to do some 12th step work here.

My goal with my sponsor is complete transparency. With the 5th step I told him my darkest, most shameful secrets. He didn't even flinch and now I don't have to walk around with that stuff anymore. Now if I feel like there is something I need to get real about, compared to a 5th step, its easy to bring up other life events.
 
Woah page 5, I've been missing out huh. I really want to start working on my steps. I am stuck on the transition from step 4 to step 5. Admitting all of my wrong doings 8( how could I ever.

Anyways lots of love to my SL buds <3.
 
^^its really not so bad. I mean, just think of what our sponsors have heard before. not much can really shake em. at least not mine anyway lol. can always do it with someone else as it's not mandatory for it to be your sponsor such as a priest or counselor where confidentiality is kept by law. or find the biggest, baddest Guy with clean time who spent like 10 years in prison and talk to him/her. obviously it wont faze them.
 
I guess that's an idea actually. I was thinking I would have to admit it to a friend or someone I knew on a close personal level. That is actually really reasonable. Thanks for the advice I think I'll start writing it down (that's not the problem) admitting it is.
 
stardust.hero said:
I guess that's an idea actually. I was thinking I would have to admit it to a friend or someone I knew on a close personal level. That is actually really reasonable. Thanks for the advice I think I'll start writing it down (that's not the problem) admitting it is.
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It's for you. Doesn't matter who you tell it to. The important thing is getting it off your chest. Releasing it. It's a huge relief.

15 months clean today!!
 
Congrats SS. that's fantastic. working on that 18 months eh.

and CH, you going cold Turkey or tapering still? best of luck to you man. I came off of 7 months of bupe before and it sucked. but I know you got this.
 
Thanks guys.

Well I had a rough day at work. ROUGH. I have a big night ahead. An interview at a well known restaurant and also a producers showcase show featuring all the local underground hiphop producers throwin down beats live.

I dunno if anyone is familiar with "Opio" but hes in the hieroglyphics crew and was in souls of mischief. He's coming all the way from cali.

Anyway, I went into the bathroom and prayed a little. It's called "restarting your day". Sometimes it necessary.
 
best of luck to you SS. I feel you on the restarting your day. sometimes its necessary to put some shit behind you and carry on
 
Wow. Just wow. Today was a very spiritual day. Went to my moms house and we watched old home videos from my 4th birthday. Words cannot describe.

The innocence.. The happiness... It was like Something from a movie. I gave her the butterfly painting and she loved it.

I went to me grandmas house and drive home in the car.

As I was arriving back in the city, I saw the sunset over the skyline, the music was goin, and I had an intense spiritual moment. I felt like I was rolling. But that's just it, it's so much better. More real. I'm finally connected. It's all making sense now.

This is what it's all about...

Here's a pic we found in the photo album of my dad and I.

NSFW:
imagevxjb.jpg
 
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