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Sigh .. Quitting, Act II

SunSpot

SunSpot

Bluelighter
Joined
May 14, 2016
Messages
161
Location
The Desert
Hi everyone,

Hope you're well. Listen to this: As some of you may know, after my hike Sunday my WD from opium really dialed down: except a bit of tiredness and strong insomnia most symptoms are below the pain threshold now. So today I get it into my head that it's a perfect time to Quit Vaping. I've packed everything up and will take it to a vape shop tomorrow (they buy used stuff). As reward I let myself have a bit extra kratom, there are only 35g left now.

I used to love vaping (I'm using the past tense now although I just vaped 3 hours ago. Writing like this helps me put up some distance, sorry if it's annoying). I was really into it, and did it constantly, with strong 24mg juices. MBV (some of you may know) had such awesome juices. But the reasons to stop are very clear: My wife wants another child, and I appear to be temp. infertile now after all that drug use. I like to think it was opium's fault by pressing down the testosterone, but it could just as easily have been nicotine. There's a rat study in which 1mg/kg/day nic in male rats led to them having ZERO offspring. I easily vaped 3ml of 24mg juice in a day, so I was in that ballpark. Thankfully it's 100% reversible.

It's funny, I feel like celebrating myself for not wanting to vape, so I feel like a good vape. If my brain were a computer it would crash now...

Anyways, just like with the Opium, I've never before quit nicotine (been vaping for about 3 years, never smoked). Even had a little spray-inhaler (if you're from EU you know what I mean, those tiny freshen-your-breath things) with Mint-juice for taking when vaping wouldn't do (used this for traveling). So what should I expect now that I've stopped? I purposefully haven't googled it, but still I would appreciate to hear of your experiences.

Final thought: I'll really miss vaping .. It kept me thin and the vapor tasted so great, and it had zero effect on my athletic ability, unlike weed in college or being overweight. But for now I'll quit until the wife is happy. It's weird, out of all the stupid stuff I took/take, she only objects to vaping, the most harmless thing of all ..
 
The nicotine, no question what-so-ever. I found another juice bottle an hour ago and It was hard not to just eat a few drops, gave it to the wife who in a change of plan then also took my bag of supplies away from me. She said She'll hide it so no excuse to go to the vape shop tomorrow.

Toothpaste, do you vape? Or am i confusing you with wow0mg. Damn i miss them
 
Yup, well I used to. I have gone back to smoking :\

Still have my electric angel, snow wolf snd tugboats though, along with all my favorite juices. I figure I will rebuild the coils and get back into it when I move into ZCLA and can not longer smoke inside. Yeah, I am bad, I know. . .
 
Seriously you are .. Don't go putting those cancer sticks inside you! Vape something satisfying, like menthol from MBV. Vaping is so much better for the body (I imagine, having never smoked).

But this quitting thing is making me _testy_ .. just yelled at maria, our household help, for coming early. I must be off my rocker. I feel like punching something. It'll be a fight to be civil today
 
Tapering with e-juices should be easy. I have changed into 3mg/ml if it is available and 6mg/ml if not and did this just by dropping one level down each time I ordered more stuff and e-juices last as long as before and didn't even noticed the drop in nicotine levels. With cigarettes I couldn't ever smoke less than a 20 per day or switch to milder versions without smoking more than pack a day.

I usually smoke one tank (4.5ml) a day and maybe a ml or two with RDA when I feel like tinkering with coils or want to test new liquids.

TPD, you really sound like a mech mod and RDA guy.
 
Hell yeah, I love my stainless steal V2cTugboat RDA on my Electric Angel. It is the perfect mod for me. I think I am going to start using it again today, thank you all for the support. I will certainly need a lot of it. I should make a thread for it.
 
Mr Root I admire anyone who can do a taper with vaping. Me, I need CT. But I already caved, my wife 'hid' my gear on top of the fridge!!!! :( :( :( So now I took it with me to the office, and like a fiend assembled a quick RDA w/ the only charged battery i had, one of those ancient thin ones (I'm keeping the 18650 batts for flashlights and projects). I'm trying not to enjoy it too much, in 2 hours I'll go the vape shop and get rid of everything But oohh, the Desert Rain flavor from Mount Baker is really nice .. A bit like berry yogurt, super smooth with the tiniest bit of bite.

Btw MBV always sends out 15mls of 0 nic samples, anyone else get these and use them for cooking? The blueberry pudding was great, it was funny our guest kept looking for the blueberries, they were convinced there had to be fresh berries in there somewhere .. ;)
 
I should add I'm feeling very peeved by my wife, not to complain but as they say, "Rache ist Blutwurst" (weird German saying I remember, 'revenge is a blood sausage'). She's doing a sugar fast herself, trying to get in shape. How much negative karma if I pepper the house with sweets??? Probably a stupid idea, the kids would eat most of it and I'd just end up wolfing down the rest. I'm not safe around sweets at the best of times. But maybe I'll order a 'romantic' nougat and fudge sampler just for her, as a thank you for supporting my attempt to quit. Then again sensitivity to others is NOT her strong suit, she probably didn't mean anything by it. I'll flip a coin
 
Try and just focus on being kind and gentle with yourself. Do you, focus on yourself and your needs and wants, not your wifes. That is the best way to help her or be a good partner right now. Or at least that would be what I would try and do if I loved my partner, otherwisr it would be a pretty fucked up relationship. Be good man, you are so much better than that petty passive aggressive childish behabior you mentioned.
 
It is not the most innocent of relationships, i mean i like her and she me, but its more along the spirit of an indian, arranged marriage. That's how ive accepted it for the kids sake. This came about after i couldn't deal with some of the things she does when depressed (she will not admit to her condition even when she spends 14 hours in bed and the day loafing about, unable to care for the kits.) In fact this may have been a major factor of my use, there was another near drowning just two months ago when she had the kids. She does things like this too often, and warming her of bad behaviour is useless. I understand why she wouldn't want me to stop on a subconscious level, it made me docile.

So yeah i won't do the sweets thing, you're right it's childish. I should be happy with what she has to offer, accept again her lack of empathy and get the rest i need elsewhere. But you'd think after a full decade I'd be used to it..
 
Yeah, if you just do you, you will be much healthier and happier in your day to day life. It may be difficult or feel fake at first, but over time, trust me it will work. Just focus on doing the little stuff as best you can, not the big huge tasks. Huge tasks are made up of smaller tasks, after all. You got this though, you can become the man you want to be, I have no doubt about that.
 
Thanks tpd, that's exactly how I'm doing it. Found this wonderful 'instruction manual' on some other sober living forum (or was it here?), called A WHIP, for Acceptance, willpower, uuhh .. hard work, industry and persistence. Got everything laid out i need to do and I won't be angry at myself if I fail at first.

Too bad the obstacles facing me are of a 'sales job' nature, which I hate (though I'm good at it). I almost enjoy public speaking (you can tell by my verbosity), but HATE making videos and loathe p2p fundraising. Oh well.
 
Thanks, it's been 24h now when ignoring the one slip up. Feel jetlagged but not too bad. Had an hour of sleep just now, that's just mela destroying muy 24h cycle. I'm remembering why i staid away from it all those years.

The cravings aren't too bad,my brain feels too stupified to make the connection. But my bp dropped, which is good news imo. Will take kids to park now with neighbor, he vapes i want to see what he thinks
 
My neighbor is cute, he spouted stuff like"theyll have to kill me before i give up vaping .." not really helpful though. But aside the occasional craving (pretty much every 15 minutes as that's how often i used to vape) this is real easy.

It's making me real angry though, which are unusual sensations for me. But i recognize it now so no one gets yelled at anymore, unlike maria yday. But there's this powerful urge to punch something, it's a great reason to go in the gym.
 
FYI. . .
Dangers of Venting
Quote Originally Posted by Thich Nhat Hanh, Anger
There are therapists who advise us to express our anger in order to feel better. They suggest we say or do things to let our anger out, like taking a stick and hitting a tired, or slamming the door with all your might. They also suggest hitting a pillow. These therapists belive that this is the way to remove the energy of anger in us. They call it “venting.”

When you have smoke in your room, you want to ventilate the room so the smoke can escape. Anger is a kind of smoke, an energy that makes you suffer. When the smoke of anger comes up, you want to open a door and turn on the fan, so the anger will go out. So you ventilate by hitting a stone or a tree with a stick, or by pounding on your pillow. I have seen many people practice like that. Actually they do get some temporary relief. But the side effects of venting are very harmful. They will make you suffer much more.

Anger needs energy to manifest. When you try to vent it by using all your might to hit something or pound your pillow, half an hour later, you will be exhausted. Because you are exhausted, you will have no energy left to feed your anger. You may think that anger is no longer there, but that’s not true; you are simply too tired to be angry.

It is the roots of anger in you that produce anger. The roots of anger lie in ignorance, wrong perceptions, in lack of understanding and compassion. When you vent your anger, you simply open the energy that is feeding your anger. The roots of anger are always there, and by expressing your anger like that, you are strengthening the roots of anger in yourself. That is the danger of venting.

There was an article in The New York Times, March 9, 1999, on anger, titled “Letting Out Aggression Is Called Bad Advice.” According to this article, a lot of research has been done by social psychologists, and they concluded that trying to express your anger and your aggression by hitting a pillow and the like won’t help at all. In fact, it will make the situation worse.

While you pound your pillow, you are not calming or reducing your anger – you are rehearing it. If you practice hitting the pillow every day, then the seed of anger in you will grow every day. And someday, when you meet the person who made you angry, you may practice what you have learned. You will just hit the other person and end up in jail. That is why handing your aggression by hitting a pillow, or venting, is not helpful at all. It is dangerous. It is not truly ventilating the energy of anger since anger is not getting out of your system.

Venting your anger is a practice based on ignorance. When you imagine the object of your hate as a pillow, hitting the object of your hate, you rehearse your ignorance and anger. Instead of lessening your violence and anger, you become more violent and angry.

A number of therapists have confirmed that the practice of venting anger is dangerous. They told me that they stopped advising their clients to do it. After their clients vent by hitting pillows, they are tired, and so they think they feel better. But after they rest and have some food, if someone comes and waters the seed of anger in them, they become even angrier than before. They have fed the roots of their anger by rehearsing it.
 
SunSpot said:
My neighbor is cute, he spouted stuff like"theyll have to kill me before i give up vaping .." not really helpful though. But aside the occasional craving (pretty much every 15 minutes as that's how often i used to vape) this is real easy.

It's making me real angry though, which are unusual sensations for me. But i recognize it now so no one gets yelled at anymore, unlike maria yday. But there's this powerful urge to punch something, it's a great reason to go in the gym.
Click to expand...

lol, that reminds me of a Children's Hospital episode, where Chief is like "they'll have to pry my gun from my cold dead hands!".

Really good to hear you're doing well! Cravings that often have to be tough, I remember what that's like. Lots of <3, stay strong!
 
Thanks everyone! The cravings are really not that bad, it's weird. I think it's because my brain is just totally mentally fogged .. Meaning my reward circuits are too f*** up to even make a proper craving. Poor cute little misguided neurons;)

Only when I sit down like now are any cravings noticeable, but there's no nicotine around anywhere. I have however promised myself to start again when the family planning situation allows. But if I really vape again, I'd be doing it far less. Even if I relapse now I'll have learned something.

Btw toothpastedog, if you knew me IRL you'd conclude that I'm a pretty mellow guy with most things. Never get road rage, I'm respectful, tolerant friendly all the good stuff. But this feeling of anger or excitability was shockingly intense, it made me so jumpy, it needed an outlet. I never did go the gym as my right arm started hurting like hell, So I had lots of fun decluttering some empty boxes in the garage .. meaning I stomped them good:)

Stupid arm btw, it's so painful kratom and ibu don't help one bit. Here's what I think happened: I tossed n turned last night after 4am, and my pillow was too tall. Woke with stiff neck and slight arm pain. Everything almost went away, then this morning I wake with at least 7/10 pain from inside my right shoulder to the tip of my pinky. Took some googling to find out I must've squeezed some nerve where it exits the spine in the neck area. Massage didn't help, warm shower didn't help, vicks vaporub no good either, I even put the arm in a sling. No good. It's weird though, I can put weight on the arm. Just not look right or bend down, that gives me stars:( It'll probably be gone in a few days, and it's a very handy distraction itm ..
 
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