• 🇳🇿 🇲🇲 🇯🇵 🇨🇳 🇦🇺 🇦🇶 🇮🇳
    Australian & Asian
    Drug Discussion

    Welcome Guest!
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
  • AADD Moderators: andyturbo

Sick, Twisted & Wrong Jokes - Part II

Status
Not open for further replies.
A German Shepard and a Rottweiler are sitting in neighbouring cages at the vets,

German Shepard - “So what are you in for?”

Rottweiler - “My master left me in the house all day alone and I got a bit bored, so I chewed up all the furniture, come the evening the kids got home from school, and me being a Rottweiler I ate them, so I’m in to get put down. What about you?”

German Shepard - “Well a pretty similar thing happened to me, I was also left by my master all day. My mistress came home from her aerobics class in the afternoon and jumped straight into the shower. When she came out she dropped her towel and bent over to pick it up, me being a German Shepard and hung like a mule I got stuck straight in to her”

Rottweiler - “So your in here to be put down too?”

German Shepard - “No, I’m in here to get my nails cut”
 
Pop Popavich said:
The Billabong Surf Classic was won in a controversial manner this week by an Indonesian on a wardrobe.


Q) Why are there so many sharks stricken with Diarrhea?

A) They've been eating Thai all week.


They don't sell dishwashers in Indonesia any more. They've started washing up on the beach instead.
Click to expand...


grrr!!!

i was gonna post those....

steal my thunder beeeatch.....

thats the last time i waste valuable work time & sms costs to amuse you.. :p
 
Here's a few you should like girls.

Q. Why do women have breasts?
A. So men will talk to them.

Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can't stand to see a man have a good time.

Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A. Divorced.

Q. Why do men break wind more than women?
A. Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.

Q. How do you fix a woman's watch?
A. You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Q: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

Q: Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Marriedwomen come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge


Beech out
 
Q: What's the best thing about being a pedophile?
A: Your dick always looks big in small hands!

A little girl walks up to her dad and asks her dad if she can have $50. Her dad replies yeah sure but you know what you have to do. She nods her head and her dad proceeds to unzip his pants and flop out his dick but just as she's about to put his dick in her mouth she says to her dad, dad your dick smells like shit. Yeah I know her dad replies your brother wanted $50 too.

I have many other tasteless jokes but I think I'll leave it there.

=D
 
two surfers sitting on a beach in thailand and see a tsunarmi wave heading for them one turns to the other and sez
"surfs up man"

(waits for the tones of hate mail that will follow this post)
 
i'm pretty sick, twisted and wrong and I don't get that joke either Magpi. Can someone explain it?

Seems most of Bluelight have run out of jokes or at least run out of sick jokes. I certainly hope i am not the only degenerate left on Bluelight.



Beech out
 
you always seem to amaze me at the quality of your sick jokes beech;

Q:Why are so many sharks in the Indian Ocean stricken with diarrhea?

A:They've been eating Thai food all week.
 
Q: Did you hear about the Asian quake?
A: It's pretty similar to the original Quake, except there are some new enemies, 4 different views and more secret levels.

Q: what is the main sport in Indonesia?
A: Body-surfing

Q: How do you spot an Indonesian Whore?
A: She's the one in the fishnets

Q: Did you hear about the indonesian fishing contest on Christmas day?
A: One of the guys thought he caught a big one, but it ended up being a thai.

Q:Have you heard of the latest dieting craze sweeping asia?
A: SwimFast

Q: How do you stop a tsunami?
A: You throw 160,000 asians infront of it

Q:What do South Asians and fish have in common?
A: both have homes that are underwater

Q: How do you find a prostitute in Sri Lanka?
A: With a fishing net
 
A girl and her mum were taking a walk thru the park one day when they saw a young couple having sex, the little girl said to her mum "mum what are they doing?" mum said "they're baking a cake, darling". The next day the little girl and her mum went to the zoo, they were walking past the monkey enclosure where they saw two monkeys having sex, the little girl said to her mum "mum what are they doing?" Mum said "they're baking a cake, darling". Next morning they were eating breakfast when the little girl asked her mum "mum, you and dad were baking a cake on the couch last night weren't you?" mum, shocked asked "how do you know that darling?" little girl says "coz i licked the icing off the pillow..
 
What do Freddie Mercury and Ayrton Senna have in common?
They both died with blood on their helmets.

What is George Michael like a pair of wellington boots?
They both get sucked off in bogs.

Paul McCartney bought his new wife a plane for Christmas last year, but she says she's going to continue using Nads on her other leg.

What does Michael Jackson pass round at dinner parties?
Under Eights.

One of the handles fell off the coffin at Ayrton Senna's funeral. It took them 3.27 seconds to put a new one on.
 
Last edited:
Q: How did they know princess diana's driver had dandruff?
A: They found his head and shoulders in the glove box.

=D
 
Q? what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A! nothing shes already been told twice..

Q? how many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A! none let the bitch cook in the dark..

Q? how did the woman crash the car?
A! thats not the point what the fuck was she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
 
Q: Whats the first thing a woman should do when she gets out of the Battered Wives shelter?

A: The dishes, if she knows whats good for her!
 
YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF ....

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all, watch this!"

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law against it.

You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top