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Deep Sick of it all.

Its fine if you think im narcissist
cause you dont understand im autistic
its also easier for me
cause my empathy was turned against me

cause i cant fully escape my programming
thats the thing with autism
it leaves me battling with people
on who the fuck is right

its funny cause even i know its useless
still i sometimes feel alot anger
cause my brain was on the next level
so i had to kill it obviously
 
Theres this one thing they call
shared psychosis and its quite
the trip. It feels like your personas
might mirror each other or
something like that.
I cant really explain it well.
Ive had a few soulmate like people
in real life. With whom you seem to
be on the level. With good and the bad.
Its really weird. For me words are powerful
and for some of my friends too.
But now I know my worth better.
I can admit it. Im that strong.
Cause you see I survive. Im a veteran of many battles.
The army too. Of sadistic upbringing. Tho it wasnt that simple.
Im to blame too. You see I killed my grandpa also.
Came back from a drug night to his deathbed.
Talked to him. He cried and died. Truth can kill people.
Its literally that strong. So yes I too might be better of lying.
I still want acid. Even more I need it. I need to recalibrate my brain.
Its horribly in sync. With everything. It just fucking is.
Like there was so much potential. A burning star.
Cause when I choose I do. When I use I lose.
But everyone who knows me would be better of without me.
It just a fact. So I stopped chasing after nurses.
I need a cold woman. Who treats me like shit.
So I can get back to her in bed. Doesnt it sound simple haha.
I wish it also was. But my ptsds complex.
And life too. Also people. Cause they mostly are weird.
They just do. I, sadly, do things this way.
I believe in unnatural naturalism. In a selective non selectiveness.
In being with being but not too much. Not in acting.
Being. Having 1 hour erections. Then jizzing. Then laughing.
You see, thats more normal to me than not.
So yeah. Life is good. I said that cause words are powerful.
Obviously. When I write things out. Some of them end up happening.
So I truly believe I will get better. Even in the face of not being happy.
Tho Im more happy than you might think. Even more happy than I ever believed.
Mostly cause I choose to be happy. Also want to be happy.
Thats maybe why I attract people. Of all kind. Killers, anarchists, schizos, manics,
autistics, complexes, shamans, brewers, growers, fighters, lovers, believers,
liers, cunts. Mostly survivors. Like me.
 
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Where the fuck is the postman I need my drugs
Im highly sensitive so life fucking sucks
Cause I can feel your pain and it gives me pain
It also gives me meaning to help people not feel pain
Its really not even what I should do
But you see when people feel good then I do too
 
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Thanks dude. You said that writing might help and you were definitely right. Most of my stuff is disturbed as fuck but it still feels good to let it out.
 
your stuff is actually more neutral/uplifting and i get good feels reading it, like I like it for that

just like any work of art like a rembrant or monet or manet or BANKSY eventually there's going to be 20,000 conflicting opinions on high-culture stuff, but I must say I feel inspired by what you write and don't feel "darkness" in it. :)

I think it's cool that one piece of writing can affect you one way and someone else totally different; the power of words are amazing.
 
Haha lol. Might be that I just go hard mode in my raps.

Yeah words are powerful. I just recently understood it better.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Strong words about impermanence and absurdism. Lots of respect.
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I feel you. I think Im just now starting to see that there will always be emptiness and it really cant even be filled. Like its natural feeling for humans and its better to just be accepted.

Wild. I was somewhat sure that no one would get it. But it really doesnt surprise me that you do tho. I feel like I can still learn to write even better. I didnt write pretty much anything for years, so it feels like a new territory again.
 
schizopath said:
Thanks. I feel that being incompletess shouldnt be seen as negative. Like I feel theres some things to learn from it and possibly change you know.
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It's actually described as a positive thing in many of the lines I wrote. You have to imagine that "incomplete" means there is still time to do things. There is still a tomorrow. You are still alive.

Quite literally if a human being were "completed" that would probably best translate to "dead" or "deceased".

The fact I have time on my hands and abhor it is a mystery to me and it is something I continually explore as much as humanly possible.
 
Im the kind of man who likes having a lovebite on his cock
used to think im vampire but maybe i just like vampires
Its me mr useless walking naked around my house
bed is for happy people so i sleep on the couch
 
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Embracing the absurd can allow one to find joy and meaning in one's own life, but the only "resolution" is in eventual annihilation by death.
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Deep.

Spend the years of learning squandering
Courage for the years of wandering
Through a world politely turning
From the loutishness of learning
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Embracing the absurd can allow one to find joy and meaning in one's own life, but the only "resolution" is in eventual annihilation by death.


wow, who wrote that, its great !
i need energy to stay awake for a birthday party.
sugar, red bull, and to celebrate !
 
Camus_Monument_in_Villeblevin_France_17-august-2003.1.JPG


just a car crash away
 
schizopath said:
Edgy part 1/*

I was born to one of "those" families do you get me?
Since I was raised properly I ll let you test me
Normal people seem so fake since I cant relate
I ll be the bully then you be the bully cause with psychopaths everythings a test
Just call me the bad guy and leave out all the rest

School and home life only mostly sucked
Used to lie about people that I had fucked
Cause I still lie and my life is a lie
Iq 135 as kid got me factual to be
But I had to kill my potential for stuttering

It was all or nothing Im bad with middle ground
Conspiracies and murdercases are what I did found
They made me feel something cause they made me feel horrible
And normal people always awake my fucking boredom

Since I stuttered badly as a child
Learned to relate to people so it made me kind
When in reality felt too little or too much
I only like damaged goods life for me is such

Never think I will kill you lol shut down the tv
Though if you hurt my family then you I will eat
Would only kill myself or the worst psychopaths
rothschilds and others who learned no morality

There is no me and there never was
Drugs make me feel something now most of them just suck
I need new hobbies like helping more people
Since I was always the shepard I wanna lead the sheeple
Even feel like raping few, but remember I was raised properly

Most of my friends are also somewhat psychopathic
I was the worst and thats still my tactic
depraved but well behaved you can wrap me up in plastic
Cause when I watch Mindhunter I can see through their tactics

Always loved intelligent also the feel kinda people
They make me feel normal or atleast seem like one
Who actually is not even a human and wears a skin suit
That why I like tattoos they cover my holes

Style and substance go hand in hand
Im a one man musician Im a one man band
Im too fucking narcissistic cause I cant act
unless Im being weird Im good doing that

Believe if you will but I do feel love
its twisted and shameful used to hate it so much
cause it always had the feel of ownership
Theres five companies in my family, but they do what they learned
They are good, funny and smart even if they are fake

Wanna try something new ever heard of overdose pact
when one of us gone theres no coming back
Never needed to get addicted to needles and I must say that
You could been so much worse and Im sorry I hated you dad
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I rapped this in my head and it was?
 
Got a new haircut and went to the shop
the same shoplady still clearly likes me
but all I did was nod, not, got the courage to exchange
some courtesies, wanted to ask her out but nevertheless did better
than I hoped. Im worth it.
 
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All of the villagers dont like it when I just smile
And Hylight idk what you look so its not 100% fine
Im out of touch but never again out of time
Cause thinking positively has a cleaning effect on mind
 
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