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should the first time be special?

  • Thread starter Thread starter decisionsdecisions
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decisionsdecisions

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Hey guys, well I am a female virgin. I'm 18 yrs old. I've had a few opportunities to lose my virginity, but they have always been with people who I would never see again, or people I don't particularly like more than a friend, so i've always declined. The result is that I am very inexperienced with anything sexual, and every other person my age that I know has had sex with at least 1 or 2 people (and usually more).

I used to be really embarrassed about being a virgin, but recently I've come to peace with the idea. Because I realised that the underlying reason I was so keen to lose my virginity was because it's what society expects of me. If I lived in a society where nobody lost their virginity until they were, say, 25, I wouldn't feel weird about being a virgin at all.

That said, however, as you guys can imagine, I am getting to the point where I would like to lose my virginity for multiple reasons. However whenever the opportunity comes up I keep saying no no no because i'm forever waiting for somebody "special". By special, I just mean somebody who I'm in a relationship with. Or somebody I really like. However I've never been in a relationship, so if I keep waiting for that I could we waiting for years!

Pretty soon I'm visiting home for a week, and I have a friend up there, "G". Me and G used to canoodle a bit, i.e kissing, occasionally oral sex, etc. I have a feeling that when I go up there and stay the night, I might have an opportunity to have sex with him. However, he is not somebody "special". I am not physically attracted to him, I only like him as a friend, and because he lives far away I probably won't see him again for ages.

One side of me is thinking, "oh come on, its just sex, just get it over and done with, at least you trust him and know he's not a dickhead" but the other side of me is thinking that, when I do meet somebody special, I will regret having lost my virginity to somebody like G- somebody I don't like at all (not more than a friend anyway). I will have wanted to wait. Also I may feel bad about myself having given myself away to somebody I don't particularly care about, just because I didn't want to be a virgin anymore.

So, what do you guys think? Is sex really not a big thing, and it really doesnt matter who you lose your virginity to? Or should the first time be "special", with somebody you really like and care about?
 
ANON to SLR


And for my opinion, most everyone remembers their first time. So I'd ask you if you want to look back and smile, or look back and shrug? Or not look back at all which is still an option.
 
wizekrak said:
Never settle
Click to expand...

QFT


I am happy I can look back and smile on my first time, as opposed to others who shrug, and others (sadly a few women in my life) who'd prefer not to think about it.

If it feels right, do it. If it's a special friend that you can cherish such a moment with then it will feel right. If not, then it won't.
 
I personally waited till I was in a relationship with someone that I cared about at the time...it helps take away some of the akwardness/self-consciousness that you might feel with somebody you don't really know/care about.

I have friends who had "meaningless" sex for their first times and they aren't broken up about it...it's fun...you can learn how to do it so you're prepared when you do meet somebody special...

just make sure YOU are comfortable and for god's sakes slap some casing on that sausage.
 
i find that the longer you wait in this day and age you seem far more distant and abnormal, which leads to insecurity and fear of sex.
 
^Exactly, and the likely scenario is, it'll be extremely anti-climactic. Concentrate more on the relationship and good sex will come eventually...like in your mid-20's.
 
9mmCensor said:
i find that the longer you wait in this day and age you seem far more distant and abnormal, which leads to insecurity and fear of sex.
Click to expand...

Really? I think I've got a much healthier attitude towards sex than some of my friends who just got it over and done with in their mid - late teens. I was 22 when I lost my virginity. It was my first relationship (and the first weekend we'd spent together after several months building up a friendship mainly online). I had a few opportunities before that, but didn't really want it to be with someone when I was drunk or just had no respect for.

I'm glad I waited for someone who mattered to me. I wasn't in love or anything, but it was special in its own way and being comfortable with someone I think helps a lot when it comes to your first sexual experience. It's not the hugest thing in the world, but I think it is nice to have good memories of the person you lose your virginity to.

:)
 
I guess I just don't understand what the deal is with losing your virginity to someone "special." I didn't need to wait to learn to ride a bike until I found the perfect one. I didn't wait to learn to swim until I found the ideal pool, and I didn't have to wait to try sushi until I found the Chinese restaurant of my dreams. Sex is fun. People should be doing it as often as possible.
 
I don't think it has to necessarily be special maybe just not regretable and with someone you trust.

I'l never regret mine although it's not special to me anymore.
I was young and probably thinking it was special when it wasn't lol. That was 5 years ago and my relationship with the person's changed. Il remember my first love forever, il forget the first time i had sex
 
You've waited this long for a reason, only you can decide if you want to continue waiting. Is there a benefit to waiting/losing it now? Which is more important to you?
 
I waited. I was 18, and ended up having a drunken one night stand. In the last four years, I've slept with an inordinate amount of girls, some special, some not so.

I personally don't really regret just getting it over with, because I've still been able to enjoy sex with people I truly love since then, and it's been special. The decision is yours, but remember, the first time isn't necessarily the most important.

The first time with someone you love will outweigh any others.
 
for me losing my virginity wasn't my choice. so i try not to remember it or think back on it.

i count my first time as the first time that i had sex with my boyfriend as this was the first time that i had chosen to do it.
it was truly special, and definately a fond memory- i'm glad that i waited till i met him because no matter what happens in our relationship, i know that i will always be glad that my first time was with him.
 
I say wait.

I mean you don't want to look back upon your life and not remember your first time or not really care about the guy you had it with. Have it with someone who you care about and who cares about you the experience will be 100 times better that way.
 
It is just sex! I think you need to think of it as that just sex in the end it probably won't be good and it might hurt but its a starting point and it will help you realise what you do and don't like about sex, opposite sex etc

I don't regret my first time anymore but there was a time when I would have wished for an opportunity to have done it with someone I trusted and knew. My first time was with someone I didn't know and I was high and drunk so yeh wasn't the greatest experience. So I hope that you have better luck then me!

Also I think that no matter what age you are (as long as you are of the legal age) good sex is always attainable I am 18 and I think that I have the best sex possible with my current boyfriend! :D
 
I think that you should trust yourself and your instincts. The yardstick, IMO, should be:

1. do you feel that you are ready, now, to take that step.
2. do you have someone who you believe is worth taking that step with. Do you like and admire that person and feel comfortable with them.
3. do you feel that if you wait much longer it will begin to disadvantage you - will you become overly self-conscious and make a bigger deal of sex itself than you need to.

If your answers to each of the above were all yes, then I think you should go ahead and satisfy your curiosity.

If you are not sure that now is the time, then don't worry about it. Leave it for a bit longer and concentrate on exploring other aspects of yourself and life. Your body and your mind are yours and your decisions about them should be based on your own values.
 
I'd say wait. You don't want to look back and think you had sex with someone you didn't really like just for the sakes of losing your virginity, well at least I wouldn't.

Don't build it up too much either. Some of the worst sex I've ever had was my first few times, it was very anticlimactic to say the least. You'll find someone you like and trust soon enough, imo it would be worth waiting for.
 
My first time wasn't with someone who I deeply loved or even saw myself in a long term relationship with. We only dated for 2 weeks in total. But the first time was incredibly romantic and special.

My advice: picture yourself in 10 years time. Do you want to be regretting your first experience or do you want a little smile to start because it was something that had a little bit of meaning behind it?
 
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