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Should i dob in a dealer who i know is destroying a life?

Who are you to call the police on anyone? That's a really pitiful attempt at intervention in this situation. The girl takes drugs because she chooses to, and throwing her father under the bus just shows that you don't give a damn about the lives of other people unless it suits your myopic interests.
 
this thread is now in TDS so the tone needs to change and respect to all posters needs to be given.

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I'm thinking that this particular post is sufficient as a Warning for those posting. Things go pear shaped rather quickly when children are involved or police are mentioned. Let's keep it civil and consider variables and options before posting. Personally, I'm going to go straight to Infractions if this thread isn't treated in a proper TDS fashion

AllHopeIsGone, I'm sorry that you are yet another individual affected by addiction. Addiction affects everyone the addict comes in contact with and those closest to us are usually those who we hurt and take advantage of first. Its a sad but realistic common denominator.

Unfortunately, it sounds like she simply does not want to stop. In these instances there is nothing anyone or anything can do to force her to stop. We tend to have a high tolerance for pain and, additionally, we become accustomed to the pain we are already experiencing and consider it 'normal'.

I understand your frustration but the only real thing that you can do is what's best for you and her child. Your wife has made her decision and it is entirely hers to make. Yes, its probably one of the worst decisions to make but it has already been made and now the only thing you can do is manage the consequences that you have control over yourself.

The dealer isn't the issue. Take him out of the picture and we just move on to the next one that has product available.

For me, drugs were more important than anything else (family, girlfriends, sex, food, bathing, my dog, etc). I wanted to believe that everything else had a certain priority but it didn't. Your wife sounds very similar and, if she's like me, she just doesn't know it yet.

When I got clean from the shit, I learned some things about myself and some similarities I had with other addicts. One of those things was the realization that drug use/abuse were simply a manifestation of underlying issues. i had always been an addict even before being introduced to drugs. When i stopped using, my addiction took other forms (sex, exercise, shopping, food, fantasy, etc)

These are all things you need to be mindful of.

You can't change your wife and I'm sorry for this. You can change the way you respond to the way your wife is behaving. Step back, honestly assess the relationship (what have you asked for/what do you want/what do you have), take a look at any part you have played and take care of YOU. Your wife is too wrapped up in her own self-centeredness to speak to in an honest and open-minded fashion.

TL;DR take care of you and don't involve the authorities
 
of course that's not the way to deal with it.
I had reasons 10 times worst to dob in an ex friend of mine and I didn't.

like said before, find another solution. doing something that really add something in her life is moe properly.
 
There's no benefit to calling the police; it will only cause everyone more problems, esp any kids involved. Also, your wife is an adult - if she wants a drug, she will get it from someone else.

Since this is just weed and not heroin or meth or something, perhaps you should be more tolerant of her cannabis usage. Reacting in the way that you are is only going to drive her away from you and cause her to use drugs more. Cannabis use is fairly harmless and she may be using it to treat depression/anxiety/whatever. Before you do anything else, you should try changing your attitude towards her and be more tolerant and accepting; I imagine your attitude towards her cannabis use has a far greater effect on your relationship than the actual cannabis usage.
 
Personally I wouldn't call the cops. He isn't necessarily being helpful by providing substances to her but she's the one deciding to use them despite their detrimental effect. The father isn't the source of the issue; it her decision to continue using a substance even though it is causing problems. The father could disappear and she could potentially find another source the same day.
 
No, that is a horrible idea, and here is why.

Number one. Half of all marriages end in divorce. Just because drugs are in the picture doesn't mean that the drug dealer is irreparably fucking up someone's life because someone happens to go through a divorce.

Number two. If someone is legitimately taking advantage of their own child using a drug, I'd fail to see how as the person is now an adult and can make decisions for themselves. Cannabis has medicinal properties, it is likely she doesn't want to quit using it as there is probably some degree of benefit there.

Number three. Let's assume she had gotten clean from cannabis, what's to say she'd stay with her ex-husband? Once you've had one divorce, you're at a statistically higher probability of having another divorce.

Last but not least, there's nothing wrong with going through a divorce, that's not actually ruining anyone's lives at all, and if anything, might be the beginning of a better life for those involved.
 
dube, myob for real. as sad as the whole thing probably is, why do you feel the need to just waltz into people's lives trying to 'fix' everything? the only person i can see suffering is the child and that's unfair but everyone else that's there are adults and are fully able to make adult decisions however destructive or immature they may be. unless it's directly interfering with your life i don't at all see a point in bringing unnecessary legal problems into lives that are not yours.
 
IMHO, when children are involved (whom cannot choose the household they live in, especially at five years of age), law enforcement should be involved, because drug dealing, weed or
otherwise, creates a dangerous environment for a child.

OP, you really need to examine your motives here because you will not be able to undo what
you are considering.
 
did your relationships fall apart because of pot, or did your relationship fall apart and you want to blame pot instead of the two humans involved?
 
All in going to say here that hasn't already been said is that the laws of physics state that every action has a equal and opposite reaction and it applies to people as well. Might wanna think about that before ya drop the dime on someone :\
 
One of the reasons she is so antisocial and withdrawn is possibly because of how people are treating her about her pot use. For many years I was in a similar place - addicted to pot and having social problems, pretty much because my family despises the stuff, but also because isolation from society is kind of inherent in smoking the stuff all day. You just can't relate to sober people as well because you come to feel that you know better than them, which is partly true, because cannabis expands the mind. And since nothing in society is actually "real", then who is to say what is truly the right thing to do? Why not be blissed out and stoned all the time and stop getting all worked up about all this competitive making-myself-better crap? When my cannabis use wrongfully stole something from my life (a job or a relationship), I would become upset at how society has alienated users of this plant. Because I had been persecuted for smoking, I would choose to smoke it even more. Smoking pot isn't even a big deal, everyone just needs to chill out about it and embrace how curious people alter their consciousness for purposes of self discovery. She is probably uncompetitive and quiet, that's pretty typical for a chronic smoker. She is also possibly very lonely. Because people got upset with me about my pot use, I just felt more alienated because those people who weren't ever potheads themselves can never understand what it's like to be one, and arn't to be trusted by a paranoid smoker.

Sure, overuse of pot can cause antisocialism, anger, confusion, paranoia and the like and it sounds like she might be better off without it. However, I do not think that her problems are entirely related to pot in the first place. Mine definately weren't, and most people can smoke daily and are totally cool with it. I wouldn't expect her to quit and suddenly be problem free. I would really just lay off her for smoking pot because there is nothing worse than being a pothead and getting shit for it. It's bullshit - I got an engineering science degree and I was stoned for exams and everything, I work out daily and am in incredible shape, I am highly intelligent, a lot of people love me and I keep myself busy with all sorts of activities - I am like, a really nice compassionate successful person, and I have been stoned out of my fucking mind pretty much every minute of my life for the past 5 years up until I quit 2 months ago, which probably isn't going to be permanent. And yet, all I get is chronic worrying from my family over an alliance I have formed with this plant. I have had to hide my true identity from my family because they are horrified by drug use, which is really unfair to me and my family. And I don't even have a drug problem.
 
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I sort of unsure from this discussion as to whether you are actually the husband, or if the husband if a friend of yours, so I'm just going to assume that you are the husband and if I'm wrong, my advice applies just the same. The only difference is that as a friend all you can do is give your advice and feelings on the subject, whereas if you are actually the husband you can take action yourself.

First thing you need to do is objectively decide just how damaging this behavior really is? Marijuana usually causes an extreme reaction on both sides, those who are for it will argue to the end for how beneficial marijuana use can be, how it is just a harmless plant, how addiction is simply impossible, and all that is good marijuana can only make better. Those who are against it can see nothing beneficial about the plant, argue that it is a dangerous narcotic that is destroying our youth, and the use of this plant should be punishable by years in prison, because after all, giving someone this drug is akin to destroying their life. The truth, as it so often does, lies in between these two extremes. Maybe some compromise can be made, being a good parent and a responsible user of marijuana is not mutually exclusive. The thing you need to decide is how much of this is your objection to the use of marijuana, and how much is caused by her irresponsible use of the drug. From your description it doesn't sound like she is simply smoking a few joints while the kids are away to relax. Maybe by realistically talking to her about her use you could come to some kind of consensus that maybe she is smoking to much marijuana, and it's okay if she smoke occasionally while free from her parental responsibilities, but she needs to put some effort in to being a member of the family and taking care of the children. Taking an extreme action like putting her father in jail, and telling her that her use absolutely needs to stop and there is no other way things will work out will only cause her to withdraw more. Captain Heroin is right, maybe her current behavior is more a result of the way she is being ostracized for being a marijuana user rather than the effects of the drugs themselves. Maybe she is having personal issues completely unrelated to her marijuana use, or perhaps she is self-medicating some other problems. Only calm, rational discussion can reveal these issues, and taking heavy handed actions will do nothing other than hurt.

If this issue is unresolvable, if you can't be with someone who smokes marijuana, and she absolutely refuses to stop, then you need to make an ultimatum. You need to say, "This is not the sort of environment I want my kids to live in, and I am leaving and taking them with me so they can be in a safe place". If this is what needs to be done, a judge can determine whether or not she is an unfit parent, but you really need to look at the situation and determine whether or not this is the right action to take. Are the children in danger? Are the being neglected, perhaps even abused? Things to think about are whether or not she is driving with the children while intoxicated, are the kids being exposed to drugs or drug paraphernalia, is she neglecting her parental responsibilities because she is too busy getting high, is she unable to afford basic necessities for the children because her money is being used for drugs? If that's the the case, then her marijuana use may be a personal lifestyle you disagree with, but it may not be the kind of issue that you need to take someone's children away for. If the children are unaffected, then you might need to re-evaluate your relationship with her personally, but it is no reason to separate children from their mother.

All in all, I think you came to the right place to ask this question. As a non-drug user it might be hard for you to look at this from a marijuana smokers point of view. If she is a responsible user, and it is totally possible to use drugs responsibly, contrary to what anti-drug activists might tell you, then perhaps you might need to point the finger inwards, and ask yourself, "why is this such a problem to me, if it is really causing nobody harm?" There is nothing inherently wrong with smoking pot, and a responsible marijuana user is no less of a person than someone who doesn't use, and is perfectly capable of being a great parent. It's when the use is irresponsible and children and loved ones are being affected as a direct consequence of the use that you need to be concerned and some action needs to be taken. Your problem is between you and her in this situation, there is no reason to call the police on her father. All you will do is ruin his life (whether he deserves it or not), she will find her marijuana elsewhere, and it will cause many more problems between the two of you. This is her father we are talking about, and whether or not you agree with what he does, he is family. I don't know about you, but where I come from we help one another, we don't hurt them.
 
OP, I'm not going to blame you for asking the question. Up until a few years ago, I'd never tried drugs. I smoked pot at a concert once in my life. Other than that, no controlled substances what so ever.. I had a gastric bypass operation three years ago, or almost three. Even though I lost a ton of weight and have maintained. It caused my whole point of view to change. I needed to take something for various side effects and residual pain. I had no insurance. I So I did what I had to do. So I started certain sbstance on my own.

Anyway, before I started on my own road to addiction, if I would hear about people that took drugs like cocaine or heroin and if it turned out people were helping them to get it, I would be disgusted. I was like you, I didn't understand how people could enable these addicts.I remember the story of the son of the lead singer of the band Three Dog Night on the show Intervention. He was grown by this time, but he was born addicted to heroin because his mom took it when she was pregnant with him. Anyway when he grew up, he started taking it on his own and became an addict.
His father and the rest of the family was desperate to get him off of it. However his mother, felt so guilty about putting that stuff in her body when she was pregnant, that she'd go an help him cop the drugs he wanted or when he couldn't get them on his own. When I heard about, I thought how awful that was, that she' helped her son these terrible addictive drugs. But later when I had the problem with similar substance, not heroin, but related drugs, I knew how greatful I would have been for someone to help me. I guess being a former addict herself, she knew that he would pretty much do whatever he needed to get the drugs including go to bad neighborhoods, do whatever the dealers wanted, pay any amount of money. So despite the danger of the heroin, she was scared if she didnt help him get it, he'd wind up found shot to death and robbed and robbed in some bad neighorhood.

Anyway, like I said you will do her NO good at all to report her . How do you even know she's takes it? Did you see her taking it, did she tell you, did her husband tell you or are you the husband.

Its good that you are concerned, but reporting this will not help her unless she wants to get help. So that's why that why most of us would nt be considered harm reduction. You came her to ask adivice from people who have experienced it, so please listen to our advice. Do not report her. If you are a friend and you are for her, just be there for her. Call her frequently make sure she's ok, and support her when and if she eventually tries to stop. If you are physically around her, give her lots of hugs, make sure she feels warm and cared for.

Sorry, I know this was a long post. I seem to not be able to know how to make things brief, so anyway I hope this helps.

Then when I started on my own path down the road to addiction.I realized that if someone would try and take them away before I was ready to stop, it could cause such, scary, horrible symptoms. It feels like you're dying...withdrawal is the worst ordeal you can go for. Techcially pot is not physically addictive, but she may have a pychological addiction or may be taking other drugs. So anyway to answer your question. If you report her or the dealer, it will not help her. They may force her into treatment, but she's just going to resent it and it will probably make her stubborn and upset enough that she'll have even more trouble getting off of the drugs.

So, I'm not going to call you a scumbag like someone else did, because you're not trying to hurt her. I know you're trying to help. You're not bad, you're just a little naive because you have never been through this personally. But I will tell you you absolutely cannot help someone that does not want to be treated. I guarantee this course of action will not get her off what she is taking. If you get her kids taken away, she may hate you.
And I know you say its ruining her marriage, but who knows, maybe she's got anger issues, emotional problems and this may actually help her relax. If you're like I was and you never take drugs, it probably seem like poison, but MJ is natural, techically you dont get physically addicted to it te way you get addicted to opiods, but it can cause a very strong psychological addiction.

Anyway, Please follow the advice of most of the posters her. Please, plese do not report her, her doctor, dealer or anyone you know is involved in her drugs..

Pot is a schedule one controlled substance, so she could get in alot of trouble and lose her children and you might ruin her life.
 
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